Advice Please

[JD4Christ]

Hello guys!

I am in need of some advice regarding my weakness with same sex attraction. So I have all my life basically dealt with this and I have never lost my faith in Jesus because I know how much he has sacrificed for me and accepted me even with my big failures in life towards that same sin. I cannot count the numbers of times I've messed up mostly with gay porn and sometimes but in more rare occasions, dealing with other gay guys secretly, although the Holy Spirit has never let me go too far with it... I am today 24 years old, still a believer in Christ and go to church and commute with all my partners in faith, even a leader in some small groups. But lately I've had this uncomfortable feeling inside because of a situation that is not easy for me...

So I have been always encouraged by my leaders and family that know about my background in homosexuality, not to reveal my struggles to the whole crowd of believers but only to close friends that are christian and that may help me grow. And recently I have met this guy who was a missionary and I helped translate for him for like 2 weeks here in Dominican. He left and I was trying to be really careful not to develop any feelings for this guy that was very outgoing and always expressed how much he appreciated my new friendship. He doesn't seem to have the same weakness as me, still I don't know, but since he left he has been talking to me a lot and he is very freindly and present at all times. He appreciates a lot my friendship and counseling in his life but I'm a little scared for me cause I feel like I'm getting strongly attracted to him and sometimes I find myself trying to not let my mind wonder about us together as something else than just brothers in Christ. He is a little younger than me and as he is not yet that much of a really close friend of mine, I dont want to just go and tell him yet about me. But its been so painful having to talk to him almost daily and hide away these feelings, and I wish sometimes I could just stop talking to him altogether, but that wouldn't make sens for him and I could cause a deeper problem in our relationship as friends and brothers in Christ.... I have been praying hard and crying in the presence of God for him to give me strengh and direction in this painful and complex case... My worst fear is that my new friend and brother in Christ may become in my mind a new distraction or even idol before Jesus because of the emotions he evokes in me from time to time when I think or talk to him or even fantasize about him...

I would love though to get your opinion on how to treat my brother in Christ. Do you think if this goes on and we speak as frecuently I should tell him about me so that we take measures to protect my heart or at least so he knows about my situation? Or another suggestion you may have?

 

[Ken Behrens]

You are in the same situation as the married pastor attracted to his secretary. It is no sin to have been born with an appreciation for the male body. That is not sex, it is confusion. It is the sexual act itself, and the relationships leading to it and protecting it, condemned by the Bible. Since you are the older, the responsibility falls on you. Take the same precautions that the married pastor would take with his secretary, and do not let yourself be alone with him. You are not required to tell him about your feelings, but if you feel you must tell him to maintain the distance, you may do so. Simply tell him that God has you in a place where you are uncertain of your sexual response, and you would prefer to play it safe.

 

[JD4Christ]

You are in the same situation as the married pastor attracted to his secretary. It is no sin to have been born with an appreciation for the male body. That is not sex, it is confusion. It is the sexual act itself, and the relationships leading to it and protecting it, condemned by the Bible. Since you are the older, the responsibility falls on you. Take the same precautions that the married pastor would take with his secretary, and do not let yourself be alone with him. You are not required to tell him about your feelings, but if you feel you must tell him to maintain the distance, you may do so. Simply tell him that God has you in a place where you are uncertain of your sexual response, and you would prefer to play it safe.

This has been very helpful and enlightening Ken! I pray for blessings over you for taking the time to read my thread and writing this helpful advice! Really, thank you! I have indeed trying to keep distance between me and my friend, I realize by what you are saying that I do have a bigger responsability to watch over our relationship to be kept away from any sexually inmoral act. Thank God we are lately very distanced physically, for he lives in the states and I live here in DR. I guess that these feelings will start fading away when I keep my mind set on Jesus and stop making him a priority in my mind... It has happened before and I think that is the main struggle in these types of cases. Not let my imagination go too far that it manipulates my feelings towards male friends.

God bless you brother!

 

[deshawncdap]

Hello guys!

I am in need of some advice regarding my weakness with same sex attraction. So I have all my life basically dealt with this and I have never lost my faith in Jesus because I know how much he has sacrificed for me and accepted me even with my big failures in life towards that same sin. I cannot count the numbers of times I've messed up mostly with gay porn and sometimes but in more rare occasions, dealing with other gay guys secretly, although the Holy Spirit has never let me go too far with it... I am today 24 years old, still a believer in Christ and go to church and commute with all my partners in faith, even a leader in some small groups. But lately I've had this uncomfortable feeling inside because of a situation that is not easy for me...

So I have been always encouraged by my leaders and family that know about my background in homosexuality, not to reveal my struggles to the whole crowd of believers but only to close friends that are christian and that may help me grow. And recently I have met this guy who was a missionary and I helped translate for him for like 2 weeks here in Dominican. He left and I was trying to be really careful not to develop any feelings for this guy that was very outgoing and always expressed how much he appreciated my new friendship. He doesn't seem to have the same weakness as me, still I don't know, but since he left he has been talking to me a lot and he is very freindly and present at all times. He appreciates a lot my friendship and counseling in his life but I'm a little scared for me cause I feel like I'm getting strongly attracted to him and sometimes I find myself trying to not let my mind wonder about us together as something else than just brothers in Christ. He is a little younger than me and as he is not yet that much of a really close friend of mine, I dont want to just go and tell him yet about me. But its been so painful having to talk to him almost daily and hide away these feelings, and I wish sometimes I could just stop talking to him altogether, but that wouldn't make sens for him and I could cause a deeper problem in our relationship as friends and brothers in Christ.... I have been praying hard and crying in the presence of God for him to give me strengh and direction in this painful and complex case... My worst fear is that my new friend and brother in Christ may become in my mind a new distraction or even idol before Jesus because of the emotions he evokes in me from time to time when I think or talk to him or even fantasize about him...

I would love though to get your opinion on how to treat my brother in Christ. Do you think if this goes on and we speak as frecuently I should tell him about me so that we take measures to protect my heart or at least so he knows about my situation? Or another suggestion you may have?

Hey JD,

I'm not sure if you're still following this or not after these few months but I have some ideas since I can definitely relate.

On a sexual side of things, you know not to pursue him. I have people in my life now that I randomly get messages from because they're just kind and friendly, but even face to face, the kindness is sometimes mistaken for flirtatious behaviors. When that happens, believer or not, I try to do two things. Whether they're a believer or not, I try to see them for how God created them, and seeing them through His eyes alleviates my struggle. The other is asking friends for positive attributes about them and finding out if they are a believer if I don't know them well. Either way, emotional dependency and lust are bad towards anyone.

Also, I agree with most of Ken's points except one. It was my previous statement. Though we can appreciate people and think they have nice hair or a nice persona, we can still be emotionally attached to that person from our desires. Romantic attractions tie to the emotion, and though the attraction and emotion itself is not the sin, be wary of you do open up to him not to become emotionally dependent and see him as an idol. I know you mentioned seeing if him as an idol was a concern. Distance yourself and guard your heart and mind. Pray for peace as well as discernment. Hope this helps.