Advice please!

[Born Sinner]

I am a 34 yr. old single Daddy. My daughter is 5 yrs. old. The LORD has brought her through heart surgery, 2 brain surgeries, healed her of siezures, cerebral palsey, etc.. I raise her alone (and with the guidance of GOD) being that her Mother has left her and moved 5 states away.
I am saved and have chosen to walk, in obediance, with GOD. The rest of my family has not.
1 month ago the LORD has lead me to witness to my Mother and she then got saved. PRAISE GOD !!!!!
What I have been praying about is this ......... I have a sister who still lives DEEPLY in the world (smokeing marijuana, wearing clothing with curseing and sexual innuendos, curseing out loud, and even refuseing to acknowledge GOD). This sister is very angry and depressed. My Mother has a soft spot for this sister. She has admitted to being so angry with me that she "doesn't even want to hear my voice". Im not the only one that she is mad at like this.
She wont come to see Serenity (my daughter) or even call her because she is so angry at me because of disagreements we have had over 15 yrs ago. I really dont even know what exactly! Instead, she will wait untill we visit my Mother and then call and ask my mother to put Serenity on the phone. She will also wait untill I might run to the store or something leaving Serenity with my Mother for 10 - 15 minutes and then run over to talk to her makeing sure she runs back out before I return. My sister is 39 yrs old.
This is not sitting right on my heart. You can imagine how tough this is for me. I have been deeply praying about what to do about this. IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT. I feel as if I am being completely stepped over as she just keeps going around me to get to my daughter. I have been raising Serenity since she was 2 to walk in the presence of the LORD. She is the most high-spirited, loveing, excited 5 yr old you will ever meet. She is truley my role model! HOW WILL THIS AFFECT MY DAUGHTER TO KNOW THAT HER AUNT IS SO ANGRY AT HER DADDY. I bet not good! I truley love my sister and pray for her salvation and softened heart every day. SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME ............ SHOULD I GO WITH MY HEART OR LET THIS CONTINUE. MAYBE THE LORDS ANSWER WILL COME THROUGH YOU! I LOVE YOU ALL AND GOD BLESS!

 

[PolarBear3]

That's a hard situation and not one that I've dealt with in my own life, but I feel for you. My sister and I don't have the best relationship either and I wish I knew how to improve it, but we do talk once in a while and our kids sometimes help us bridge the divide between us.

Anyway, it sounds like your sister wants to be involved in Serenity's life and you may want to encourage your sister to do that despite her anger, depression, marijuana use, etc. As long as your sister isn't saying bad things about you to your daughter or smoking or cursing in front of her then maybe schedule some time for your sister and daughter to spend some time together - instead of 15 minutes while you go to the store, be gone for an hour. That time together could be healing for your sister and it could give your daughter a good chance to bond with her aunt. Since your sister isn't talking to you, this would need to be coordinated through your mom, and while that's not ideal, it sounds like your mom might be willing to do that.

Also, since your sister isn't talking to you, can you write her a note or send her an email asking her if she thinks you need to apologize to her for something? If you can find out from her why she's so angry with you, then you can start to address it. If there's some way you can reach out to her (without preaching to her) just to let her know you want things to be different, that could mean a lot. If she's not willing to tell you anything, at least you've opened the door by letting her know that you're ready to listen.

If Serenity says something to you because she's picked up on your sister's anger or she starts asking why you don't talk to your sister, I think answering honestly without giving a lot of details is the way to go. Like "I wish my sister and I got along better" or "I love my sister and she loves you very much" or "your aunt is having difficult time" - stuff like that. I mean, people don't always get along and I think it's okay for kids to know that (as children of divorced parents they already know that their parents didn't get along). But if your sister starts saying bad things about you in front of your daughter, then that's not acceptable and you'll need to do something about that.

I hope some of this helps.

 

[bugaboo]

You need to talk to your mother about how you would like to handle the situation with your sister, as she's the one one facilitating her access to your daughter. It's your child and you have the final authority over who can see her.

Hopefully your sister can be trusted to be a good role model in your daughter's presence, and if that is the case I would suggest, like the previous poster to try to work something out between the two of you.

 

[TexasSky]

As your daughter grows, if she has a loving relationship with her father, she will be more influenced by you than by your sister. You can talk to her, lovingly, about the issue when she is older. "Your Aunt is very angry with me, and I honestly don't know why. I love her, but I don't agree with many things she does. That may be why she is angry with me. Some people think if you don't like how they hurt themselves, you don't like them."

I would, though, tell your mother that you feel uncomfortable with how your sister is handling the situation.