Advice please......

[Tawny]

My little girl (5) came downstairs on Saturday looking very sheepish. She had decided to go in my needleowrk box and get my scissors and cut her hair.

Her now beutiful shoulder length blonde hair has now been tidied up to just below earlength.

I was very calm about it and didn't scream and shout at her but she knows how upset I am, she is very sorry and we had tears as her hair was being tidied up.

The advice I want is this. She did this out of plain disobedience, she knows she is allowed scissors as long as they are her small ones for cutting paper. we have talked in the past about how we must never touch things in my basket as they may hurt her. How can I make sure she does not do this again or anything like it for that matter.

Thanks in advance

Nicky

 

[Jenna]

In what ways do you normally handle disobedience? What types of discipline have an impact on her?

I would say though, that maybe the scissors should be put up and out of reach for her since you cannot trust her to leave them alone.

 

[Tawny]

Have alrteady done that. Usually she is very good, when she was younger, i used to make her sit on the 'naughty step' at the foot of the stairs,but now she is a bit older we have a good conduct chart, when she gets so many marks she gets a treat.

If she is really really bad she has a smack.

I was just gobsmacked at this, and just froze in amazement. I know I can't punish her further now as this happened two days ago and I could not bear it when my mother would harp on about my wrongdoings for days! I just don't know how I will react if she does something like this again.

 

[LynnMcG]

This is a tough one. My daughter cut her own hair about 3 months ago (she was also 5 at the time). The first thing I did was ask her what she thought of it. Since she's permitted to use her own scissors to cut paper, I assume she did this because she was curious to see how it felt to cut her hair and to see if she actually could. She said she thought it just needed to be cut, that it was too long. Which was funny, because we had an appointment to get her hair cut the very next day. I also, didn't yell, but she knew I was upset. We took her scissors away from her for a week. It deffinately had an impact because each day that week she would sit down to color and would ask how many more days until she could have her scissors back "that you took away when I cut my own hair."

At some point, I imagine you'll look back at this and smile. It's only hair. It will grow back. And she'll be reminded of what she did everyday until it does grow back. Take the scissors away for however long you think is right. But I bet it'll never happen again.

 

[selune]

Oh we went through this twice with our oldest when she was about 5. She completely lost the use of scissors unless she was being supervised for a long while. The second time she added in a lie that a classmate had done it. She earned early bedtime for 2 weeks and no scissors and she had to apologize to her friend for making us think he was the one who cut her hair. Now with 4 kids, all scissors are kept up high and the kids can ask when they need to use them. This is a safety issue for the baby and it keeps the scissors away when the kids may get bored and feel experimental. I'd keep your sewing basket put away where she can't mess with things--a high shelf or closet or something. Or if keeping the whole basket away is too much trouble, take out the sharp things. Best wishes.

 

[Tawny]

Sounds like a good idea to me. Thanks. She loves to paint and colour and cut her paper into shapes. I will just say no when she asks for scissors for a while. I know she was mortified this morning because I told her that her hair is too short to go in pigtails. So hopefully it will have shrunk in!

What I want to know is who took my lovely obedient 4 year old and replaced her with the minx I have now!

 

[Melbelle]

Well, she is a child and childeren are very suspecious creatures heh, Seth just learned what Hot is, we where at a birthday party and they had candels lit up around the room and Seth desided to grab one and he was screaming and it was stuck to his hand, Jennifer (My bestfriend) Knocked it off him, and I pilled all the wax off, I kissed his hand and said "Ya know what hot is now huh" lol... I think the best thing to do is tell her if she does get in your baskit again she will be punshid. And if she does get in there, if you believe in spanking then spank her hind end, if you don't then ground her to her room and take all her toys away for a few hours or days whatever you think the punishment should be. Or just like someone else mentioned tell her she cannot play with her paints and stuff for a week or 2 days whatever you think the punishment should be. I honestly believe that when punishing the punishment should be something that goes in good with the crime...God luck just don't get discourged, she is still your baby girl and is just growing up.

 

[Katydid]

OK maybe I am crazy, BUT....how many times have you gone to the hair dresser to get a change, any change to your hair? How many times have any of us picked a different color dye to get a change. I know that this is not OK for a child to do, but I also say that perhaps you should allow her to have some say in hair styles, not to the extent of coloring or anything, but you know, let her play, just like we do.

As far as discipline, no scissors for a while sounds good, but also, keep the dangerous ones out of reach. I have three children, and there is no possible way for me to watch all three ALL the time, I have learned that prevention is so much better. Temptation is out of the way and my house stays (fairly, usually, and loudly) peaceful.

 

[BeanMak]

The third time my oldest cut his own hair, we shaved his head into a crew cut

 

[Tawny]

Can't really do that with a little girl though.

I like the idea of letting her have a say, tonight she apologised again so I think the message has got through.

Thanks for all your help, I really do appreciate it.

Nicky

 

[erin74]

How can I make sure she does not do this again or anything like it for that matter.

hmm - how do you feel about a padded cell and a straightjacket?

Besides that it sounds to me like you are doing pretty good job. I have no idea what it is like, cause mine are still a bit younger than that. So when you work out the secret let me know so I don't have to go through your turmoil!

Erin

 

[OracleX]

Personally I am not sure there really needs to be much more done than you did initially. She was very upset about what happened too. Our daughter has done the same thing but luckly she only cut a little bit off her hair. I really can't notice it but of course my wife does. The thing is with little girls is that most of them want to look beautiful. Our daughter loves to dress and be as pretty as she can be. When she cut her hair she was very up set to because she thought that she wouldn't be pretty. She now very clearly understands the consquences to her actions like this. Same thing happened with her markers. She one day colored on her face with a green marker. I was upset with her and told her how silly she looked. Once she looked in the mirror she was very upset about it too. She went to bed with her face like that. We washed her hands just because she tends to suck her thumb a bit still and didn't want her sucking on marker. I basically told her that if she was going to do this then she was going to stay like that for a bit. She didn't like that at all. But she hasn't put marker on her face since. The other thing we did with both situations is that we took away her sissors and markers for two weeks.

One thing that I find very effective with our daughter is throwing out what she misbehaves with. She once used the chock for her chock board on just about everything in her play room. There wasn't much left but we made her throw out her chock. Lots of tears. She did not want to throw out her chock to which we replied we didn't want her drawing on everything with it. Since it wasn't the first time she did this we followed through with it and she threw out her chock. Only once since then has she used chock on something she was not suppose to and she threw out the piece of chock that she used.

The biggest thing is that if you say that it will be thrown out, then follow through with it. It is also, in my experience to have your child throw it in the garbage. It leaves a little more of a impact on their memory. The other bonus to this is that eventually our daughter wanted chock again and it could be then used as a reward. Plus she paid for it out of her allowance.

When it is time to clean up her play room now she usually listens very well because she knows what the alternative is. She would rather clean up her play room than me

 

[OracleX]

hmm - how do you feel about a padded cell and a straightjacket?

Besides that it sounds to me like you are doing pretty good job. I have no idea what it is like, cause mine are still a bit younger than that. So when you work out the secret let me know so I don't have to go through your turmoil!

Erin

LOL there is no way I am giving up my padded cell and straightjacket. My daughter can use the corner but I need my padded room after some days

 

[cavymom]

Ha ha, this reminds me of my sister.

My sister was watching my mom put on make-up one day and saw how she carefully curled her eyelashes to look real pretty. After seeing how pretty mommy looked my sister decided she would look pretty too. She curled her eyelashes and then proudly showed everyone how beautiful she looked.

Unfortunately she used the scissors and not the eyelash curlers. Her eyelashes never did recover from the shock.

Imagine how close those scissors came to her precious little eyes, one slip and she could have lost her sight. Cutting hair is one thing but a small child handing very dangerous scissors that could cause life altering damage is another. Serious huh?

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

Sounds like your daughter is sorry for what she did and understands that it was not a good idea. % year olds can be pretyy independant. My son is almost 6, and he knows everything, apparently.