Advice or "just' prayers for the tasks we struggle with

[ex-pat]

I've been thinking that we all have tasks we intensely dislike as part of our daily contributions to our marriages.

For instance, it bothers me that I dislike gardening so much that even though I'm home all day, I don't make anywhere NEAR the effort I should to help DH with the gardening. Part is physical, but it's mainly emotional. I feel guilty because I think I should help him more, so I end up not liking the gardening chores even more because I feel all squirmy-FAIL-y when he talks about the things he hasn't got time to do.

I KNOW that if I make an effort to get out there and start winterizing the three main flower beds, it will be vastly appreciated, and be a true blessing to my husband, but I can't seem to manage. (partly this is health-related...I take some meds that make me dizzy if I bend down a lot, and bending down a lot is what one must do to weed, clip, and winterize.)

What advice (other than, "just go do it") can you offer for those who hate to garden, but really feel they out to?

And, prayers, please, for me as I go out there now and try to do my best to get at least one bed ready for winter. Pray for my physical health, and for my spiritual health, that I may find myself willing to do cheerfully that which would bless us both.

What are some of your own dislikes? And how did you overcome them? Or do you still want prayer for them?

 

[Niffer]

It sounds so silly, but I HATED setting the table, I don't know why, I just really found it tedious and a pain to get it all ready.
The only way I overcame it was by deciding not to hate it, I had to decide it wouldn't bother me, and everytime I set a place setting I prayed for the person who would be sitting there.

That helped a bit!

I hope you can learn to enjoy gardening, and maybe just count your blessings as your out there...eg. 'thanks for the land my house is on', 'thanks that I even have the space to have a garden' 'thanks for the flowers/fruits of my garden'....


- Niffer

 

[FaithPrevails]

I've been thinking that we all have tasks we intensely dislike as part of our daily contributions to our marriages.

For instance, it bothers me that I dislike gardening so much that even though I'm home all day, I don't make anywhere NEAR the effort I should to help DH with the gardening. Part is physical, but it's mainly emotional. I feel guilty because I think I should help him more, so I end up not liking the gardening chores even more because I feel all squirmy-FAIL-y when he talks about the things he hasn't got time to do.

I KNOW that if I make an effort to get out there and start winterizing the three main flower beds, it will be vastly appreciated, and be a true blessing to my husband, but I can't seem to manage. (partly this is health-related...I take some meds that make me dizzy if I bend down a lot, and bending down a lot is what one must do to weed, clip, and winterize.)

What advice (other than, "just go do it") can you offer for those who hate to garden, but really feel they out to?

And, prayers, please, for me as I go out there now and try to do my best to get at least one bed ready for winter. Pray for my physical health, and for my spiritual health, that I may find myself willing to do cheerfully that which would bless us both.

What are some of your own dislikes? And how did you overcome them? Or do you still want prayer for them?

Can you use a kneeling pad or sit on a small stool to ease the dizziness? for you!

There isn't much I don't mind doing, but there are things I know hubby loathes doing, so I try not to burden him with those tasks. For instance, I think he has cleaned our bathroom once in the last 3-ish years. lol

I prefer for him to take care of the outside things and any home repairs, but I'm always willing to step up and help out when it is something I am capable of handling.

I think part of the reason I am that way is b/c I was single for most of my twenties and part of my 30s. So, if I didn't do things there was no one else there to pick up my slack. I just got used to doing it all.

 

[dallasapple]

For things I hate..I just keep telling myself its only for a time..seriously everything is temporary..Sometimes the "guilt' is far worse than just getting it over with anyway.But also along the lines of things that I litterally loathe?I consider does this even NEED to be done?Why put your self through it?If it is something you can not avoid..Im with Niffer..try to start being thankful for the 'basics" like Im alive..LOL!!Seriously no one is dying right now..(well not in my conscious someone I love)..I told my son the other day when he said ..he is starting to get depressed because of winter(runs in the family) that Im savign my depression for when someone dies..LOL!!

Im a "bah humbug" ..because Christmas is in the cold..and dark..So Im going to LIGHT the place up ..and FIND the Christams Carols I like..and roast chestunuts on an open fire in my HEAD!Even if it kills me!(which it wont and I have to remember that!)

Sorry if this sounds scrambled..but thats the best I have..

Praying for you to have the spirit of gardening! and if you like music?Wear headphones with your favorite music..that can help a lot for inspiration!

Dallas

 

[pdudgeon]

Dallas is right. take your music with you, and sing along. make it something upbeat and positive. when you're weeding try 'shooting hoops' with the weeds and see if you can toss all of them in the basket. try playing the drums sections of the song with your weeder and trowl. look as foolish as you want to, but have some fun!

Also take a timer with you. Whenever you're doing something you absolutely hate, try setting the timer and telling yourself 'i'm only doing this thing for X amount of time. and then go do something else you like.

Another way to do this is to set a goal and see how much you can do in X amount of time. it's called racing against the clock.

the basic idea of all of this is to take a chore that you hate doing, and make it something that challenges you, makes you laugh, and takes you out of yourself.

 

[Lilymay]

Tasks we intensely dislike...

I would have to say washing the dishes. I know, a bit dumb, but I really don't like doing the dishes. You would think after doing them for 20+ years I would have gotten to the point of it being ok..lol... but no, still really really dislike doing them.

Husband does not do dishes. The children don't do dishes, which I know is my fault because I never pushed them to do the dishes... I think because I dislike doing them soo much.

OH to have a dishwasher would be lovely!!!!

 

[ex-pat]

Well, I've been out there for 1.5 hours, and taking a break. Many thanks for the advice (unfortunately, taking music out to the front of the house isn't practical for me). Niffer, it helped to count my blessings...it really did. Faith, I use a kneeling thingy, and it does help (bad back, bad knees, bad attitude ). I, too lived alone for some time, but I had a MUCH tinier yard, and narrow flower beds, not these beautiful, big, huge flower beds that I keep saying are a blessing. (thanks again, Niffer). Dallas, many thanks for the prayers and advice. I know that if I really complain, my husband will add the front gardens to HIS already epic "to do" list, and I can't do that to him. I love him too much to whine about weeding. As you say, it's temporary. I really do want to complete the winterizing. pruning, mulching, etc. in the front, however, so in the spring we can concentrate on the side yard. I have great plans for the side yard...it's the upper part of our yard overlooking the river. I have great plans for the side yard....and greater plans for the back yard, involving terracing, retaining walls, old brick pathways, etc.

Our biggest problem is that the yard has effectively been torn up due to ongoing remodelling and hasn't been properly dealt with for 2-3 years in some spots, so it's more like trying to reclaim a small jungle ("What to do when Bluebells Turn Feral") than to do "normal" gardening.

pdudgeon, I should do that. I have determined that I can get one of the three beds done in another three hours, working non-stop.

 

[ex-pat]

YAY! Four hours of work later, and one of the three beds is all ready for winter! (Whether or not I can move tomorrow is another issue entirely.) Time for supper and a hot shower, then I curl up with a good book and imagine how pleased my DH will be when he comes home from work late tonight!

 

[FaithPrevails]

YAY! Four hours of work later, and one of the three beds is all ready for winter! (Whether or not I can move tomorrow is another issue entirely.) Time for supper and a hot shower, then I curl up with a good book and imagine how pleased my DH will be when he comes home from work late tonight!

Was he surprised to see the work you had done?

 

[ex-pat]

Was he surprised to see the work you had done?

Surprised, and very delighted.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Surprised, and very delighted.

Yay!!!

 

[Chaplain David]

I've been thinking that we all have tasks we intensely dislike as part of our daily contributions to our marriages.

For instance, it bothers me that I dislike gardening so much that even though I'm home all day, I don't make anywhere NEAR the effort I should to help DH with the gardening. Part is physical, ....(partly this is health-related...I take some meds that make me dizzy if I bend down a lot, and bending down a lot is what one must do to weed, clip, and winterize.)...

My response may not fit but I would not ask my wife to do something that made her sick or feel pain doing it. I would either do it myself or hire say, a young person or someone out of work that needed what little pay I could provide to get the work done.

 

[dallasapple]

My response may not fit but I would not ask my wife to do something that made her sick or feel pain doing it. I would either do it myself or hire say, a young person or someone out of work that needed what little pay I could provide to get the work done.

Good answer..

Dallas

 

[Sailor_A]

This was sound very trivial but I hate changing light bulbs. I have to stand on a chair and fiddle and it is just annoying. I prefer to leave it to my husband who is tall and can do it easily.

I'd say with gardening, if you make sure there are flowers you especially like or a patch of vegetables you know are useful you might feel more joy in going out. Also wear gloves! I used to hate gardening, I think because I hated the feel of dirt lol. Wearing cute gloves and wellies is reason for anyone to garden.

 

[ex-pat]

My response may not fit but I would not ask my wife to do something that made her sick or feel pain doing it. I would either do it myself or hire say, a young person or someone out of work that needed what little pay I could provide to get the work done.

Sacerdote, my husband doesn't ask me to do this, or anything else that is a problem for me. Gardening is, in fact, something he loves to do but hasn't the time to do. This year his work schedule changed due to needing to cover for an elderly man who was out with flu, and our trip to the States to attend a family wedding, so the prime time to winterize the garden was flying by....so I decided to try to do it, because it's something that can be overlooked until it's too late and the ground is freezing.

Also, we've been the route of hiring a struggling seminary student for the more serious work of tree pruning. This is simply winterizing three large flower beds.

My thread wasn't about trying to get out of work that is tedious, but how to make those chores easier on the heart, to be better all around for one's marriage.

 

[ex-pat]

This was sound very trivial but I hate changing light bulbs. I have to stand on a chair and fiddle and it is just annoying. I prefer to leave it to my husband who is tall and can do it easily.

I'd say with gardening, if you make sure there are flowers you especially like or a patch of vegetables you know are useful you might feel more joy in going out. Also wear gloves! I used to hate gardening, I think because I hated the feel of dirt lol. Wearing cute gloves and wellies is reason for anyone to garden.

LOL...that was my idea about gardening! I got my Hunter garden clogs, and my leather garden gloves, and said "OK, I'm ready".

And nothing is trivial, it's often the little things that cause irritation that we grumble about, and even a two-minute grumble is enough to negatively charge the atmosphere for a while. (My husband is a foot taller than I am, so he gets light bulbs, too!)

 

[Chaplain David]

I've been thinking that we all have tasks we intensely dislike as part of our daily contributions to our marriages.

For instance, it bothers me that I dislike gardening ...Part is physica...but I can't seem to manage. (partly this is health-related...I take some meds that make me dizzy if I bend down a lot, and bending down a lot...

Sacerdote, my husband doesn't ask me to do this, or anything else that is a problem for me. Gardening is, in fact, something he loves to do but hasn't the time to do. This year his work schedule changed due to needing to cover for an elderly man who was out with flu, and our trip to the States to attend a family wedding, so the prime time to winterize the garden was flying by....so I decided to try to do it, because it's something that can be overlooked until it's too late and the ground is freezing.

Also, we've been the route of hiring a struggling seminary student for the more serious work of tree pruning. This is simply winterizing three large flower beds.

My thread wasn't about trying to get out of work that is tedious, but how to make those chores easier on the heart, to be better all around for one's marriage.

If I saw or heard about my wife undertaking a chore around the house that caused her pain or a medical condition to get worse or act up I would either do it myself or hire someone to do it. The seminary student sounds good. Help like that would be prudent.

 

[Conservativation]

If I saw or heard about my wife undertaking a chore around the house that caused her pain or a medical condition to get worse or act up I would either do it myself or hire someone to do it. The seminary student sounds good. Help like that would be prudent.

Maybe ease up on the guy, she makes it clear he isnt asking her to do this

 

[Chaplain David]

Maybe ease up on the guy, she makes it clear he isnt asking her to do this

It is important to read what the poster writes, (in this case me), and try to envision what the words say rather than read into it something that isn't there. I am stating (and stated) what I would do and I do this when necessary.

 

[JRSut1000]

Lol, sometimes the only motivation is looking forward to the finished project. But I loved Dallas' idea of taking music with you. Of course, you can always just sing without music right? I don't like gardening, it's not my thing. My husband on the other hand loves it. Seriuosly, every Sunday he's out there doing yardwork it seems. I think the only way I tend to 'like' it is if I'm with my husband working together OR if it's a perfectly comfortable day. I love the smell of fall and spring and the feeling of the cool breath amidst the warmth.