Advice on my relationship

[Faithwoman12]

Hello
I am 21 and a college student . Last Easter I gave my life to Christ. It has been an aazing journey. My only problem is I have been with a GREAT man for 7 years (all through high school and college) He has treated me well , respects me, and I know he truely loves me, doesn't drink, is faithful in my relationship. but he isn't a christian. I don't think he realy knows what to believe. His mind set is that he will figure out how to get close to God by his own will.

I have suggested him coming to church ,Bible study, and praying but he may come to church once in a while. I have talked to hims plenty of times about how it bothers me he is not a christian man, but he just continues to tell me to have faith, and that if I left him was telling him to not have faith in God because to him I dont have faith that he will find Jesus.

Since we have dated so long I see in the next couple years he may propose.

It has just been tough ,but I know I trust need to trust in the Lord. I know the bible says to not be yoked with an unbeliever, but I have been with him for 7 years. God didnt leave me when I didn't believe in him.

I have started attending a realy awesome church that has realy been convicting me lately. I am scared that if I broke up with him that he would think that Im breaking up with him so I can be around other people.

I just want to ask al for your prayers and advice . I know what the bible says but my situation isn't as much black or white.

Thank you all! God bless!

 

[Mela Monkey]

Hello
I am 21 and a college student . Last Easter I gave my life to Christ. It has been an aazing journey. My only problem is I have been with a GREAT man for 7 years (all through high school and college) He has treated me well , respects me, and I know he truely loves me, doesn't drink, is faithful in my relationship. but he isn't a christian. I don't think he realy knows what to believe. His mind set is that he will figure out how to get close to God by his own will.

I have suggested him coming to church ,Bible study, and praying but he may come to church once in a while. I have talked to hims plenty of times about how it bothers me he is not a christian man, but he just continues to tell me to have faith, and that if I left him was telling him to not have faith in God because to him I dont have faith that he will find Jesus.

Since we have dated so long I see in the next couple years he may propose.

It has just been tough ,but I know I trust need to trust in the Lord. I know the bible says to not be yoked with an unbeliever, but I have been with him for 7 years. God didnt leave me when I didn't believe in him.

I have started attending a realy awesome church that has realy been convicting me lately. I am scared that if I broke up with him that he would think that Im breaking up with him so I can be around other people.

I just want to ask al for your prayers and advice . I know what the bible says but my situation isn't as much black or white.

Thank you all! God bless!

Though it's not always the easiest thing to do, I would do what you feel convicted to do. It it the Holy Spirit's way of telling you when something isn't good.

One illustration that has been told to me might be helpful for you.. Imagine a person standing on a table and another person is standing next to them, on the ground. If the two people hold hands and start to pull on each other, who had the better chance of winning? It is much easier for the person on the ground to pull the person from the table than it is for the person on the table to pull the person from the ground (sorry, kinda wordy ).

I hope you get what this means, but at the same time I won't say that there is no hope. I know a couple who are strong christians now, but it wasn't always that way. When they were dating, the girl was a christian and the guy wasn't. She did what she could to get him to go to church and he decided to go, but only to make her happy. Well, God eventually started moving in him and he is now a very strong christian.

So, while i do think your situation is a dangerous one, I won't say that it's impossible for things to work. Like I first said, I would follow your convictions. And pray pray pray. One cannot pray too much. ^^

hmm.. well, that is my advice! I hope you can get something out of it :]

 

[HarborOrange]

Hello
I am 21 and a college student . Last Easter I gave my life to Christ. It has been an aazing journey. My only problem is I have been with a GREAT man for 7 years (all through high school and college) He has treated me well , respects me, and I know he truely loves me, doesn't drink, is faithful in my relationship. but he isn't a christian. I don't think he realy knows what to believe. His mind set is that he will figure out how to get close to God by his own will.

I have suggested him coming to church ,Bible study, and praying but he may come to church once in a while. I have talked to hims plenty of times about how it bothers me he is not a christian man, but he just continues to tell me to have faith, and that if I left him was telling him to not have faith in God because to him I dont have faith that he will find Jesus.

Since we have dated so long I see in the next couple years he may propose.

It has just been tough ,but I know I trust need to trust in the Lord. I know the bible says to not be yoked with an unbeliever, but I have been with him for 7 years. God didnt leave me when I didn't believe in him.

I have started attending a realy awesome church that has realy been convicting me lately. I am scared that if I broke up with him that he would think that Im breaking up with him so I can be around other people.

I just want to ask al for your prayers and advice . I know what the bible says but my situation isn't as much black or white.

Thank you all! God bless!

Honestly, here's my two cents... advice that you might not like so much:

Basically, I used to be a standard Christian, I went to church every Sunday ( or Saturday, depending on what was easiest...), I went to Bible studies, went to youth group (a terrible waste of time.) and I listened to only Christian music like any "good" Christian wood.

However, I eventually found some truths hidden in the historical time-line of Christianity that I was not so keen on. I found that I no longer felt right pursuing the faith as I had, I realized that a lot of what the established church taught was nothing more than pastoral opinion, and I realized that there was far more to G-d than the confines of church led me to believe.

So, I left. I read the Bible for what it is, not for the snippets of verses that I had been taught in church for so long. I became to know G-d in my own way, and I know him far better now than I ever did. Not only that, but I actually can explain what I believe with the utmost confidence and intelligence to anyone who asks. I feel that my faith and overall understanding for the ways of our almighty Creator has grown at an unprecedented amount since I left the religious system and the church.

Okay, back story aside, here's what I believe you should do based on my experience:
Don't worry about it so much. Yes, the Scriptures do warn against marrying someone who is unequally yolked. Moshe (Moses) married Zilpah, and his sons were uncircumcised for some time. At a moment in the story of the Exodus, G-d warns that he will kill Moshe if his son remains uncircumcised. Zilpah, coming from a most likely Pagan background, most likely saw no fault in leaving her sons uncircumcised, but G-d definitely cared. So, G-d certainly does expect his followers to abide by his Law and Commands. So, be sure that, no matter what you decide with your boyfriend, you still stick to G-d's way. Now, I do not feel that you should force your boyfriend to attend church or Bible study. I do not feel that you should force him into the Christian mold either. We are all our own individual person, and we all work in different ways. If he needs to find G-d in his own way, let him do so... Just be sure that he does it through the Scriptures and no other source, be sure that he finds the right one- not Allah, not some unknown deity, only the one true YHWH. As long as he finds G-d, and he believes in the redemption of his son Yeshua the Messiah, he will be just fine. Do not make him go to church, do not make him attend Bible study or become a "Christian", as loose as that term of faith has become. Let him find G-d, for G-d will seek him out.

Also, urge him to read the Bible, talk to him about how you feel in regards to everything. Perhaps you two could simply set aside some time now and again to read the Scriptures chapter by chapter, just to digest and understand the story. Bible studies won't help him if he does not believe in the first place, he needs the whole story, not bits of it. Also, do not ( I repeat, do not) start at the New Testament. The Old Testament is, in fact, the New Testament in every way- the NT is nearly a fulfillment and cycling of the OT, they are not separate, they are one in the same. So, if you do indeed choose to read the Bible with your significant other, make sure you start with Genesis 1:1 and read all the way to the very end of Revelation. Do not skip around, for the Bible is continuous.

Basically, to sum up my ramblings, do not force him to conform to a set religion, they are necessarily the whole truth anyway. Just be sure that he knows G-d and all that encompasses the faith. Do not stress it, pray over it, help him along, and let him take it one step at a time. A little solidarity goes a long way in situations like this.


Sorry for the length of my post... but I hope this helps a slight bit. I hope all works out for you two.

 

[RobertMerton]

i would tell him gently these points

God means a great deal to you, and that you want your bf to know him too.
ask him firmly to come to church, to bible study, so that he may learn.

 

[twnsrkr]

Well, you really can't marry him if you're steadfast in your faith and he is an unbeliever. You really shouldn't even be in a relationship with him, but thats a different matter.

I do not typically advocate dating new believers that converted just for the sake of a relationship, because their faith is somewhat non-existent. So, he needs to make up his mind on his faith, then, depending on what he decides, you need to make a decision on who is more important you: him or God.

 

[AndrewZinc]

Of course only you can make decisions on this, but I agree with most of what has been said.

I would counsel you not to do anything rash, you are a fairly new Christian and he may yet decide to follow Christ, by the grace of God. That will be his decision and to put pressure on him would be wrong (though nothing wrong with encouragement).

You should think very hard about marriage before he is a Christian as that would be much more risky than your current relationship. You may also want to set boundaries, physically (as you start following what the Bible says) and emotionally, as ultimately he may decide to reject Christ.

I hope some of that helps. I'm surprised no girls have answered yet, as they might be able to relate better to your situation.

 

[tawnde]

Hello
I have talked to hims plenty of times about how it bothers me he is not a christian man, but he just continues to tell me to have faith, and that if I left him was telling him to not have faith in God because to him I dont have faith that he will find Jesus.

Your faith is in Jesus. We shouldn't put our faith in any human, even Christians.

He doesn't sound like he's all that interested in Jesus, sounds like he says what he thinks will keep you around.

 

[BlessedAndNotAshamed]

One illustration that has been told to me might be helpful for you.. Imagine a person standing on a table and another person is standing next to them, on the ground. If the two people hold hands and start to pull on each other, who had the better chance of winning? It is much easier for the person on the ground to pull the person from the table than it is for the person on the table to pull the person from the ground (sorry, kinda wordy ).:]

Exactly what I was going to say!!

If you really love this guy, then you want him to be a Christian more than you want him to be your boyfriend.

He can only do that himself, without any concept that it's for you, but for him. Does he have any Christian friends? Maybe you could find a Christian couple to help counsel you in this or to keep you accountable?

I have experience of this but unfortunately the guy didn't feel like he could give himself to Christ. It was awful, I really thought this guy was the "one", but I couldn't stay with someone who wasn't a Christian. Even though it was soooo tough to say goodbye!

 

[Chany]

Okay, I'm going to give a different answer. This man seems to want God, but cannot find Him. It would really help if we knew what exactly what is keeping him from Christ. There are many people on this site, around the internet, and probably in your local community who would be more than willing to answer his questions.

As Christians, we are called to be witnesses to Christ, so that others may learn about and follow Him. You seem to care about this man. You should probably take him to some well-respected apologist, whether online or in person, and have him discuss his problems with accepting Christ.