Advice on choosing-difficulties?

[SisterKatie]

Dear everyone.

I recently went to a psychotherapist to get help with a relationship that means so much to me, and that I really wish to save if at all possible.

The therapist said I don't suffer from borderliner-syndrom except for one distinct trait - namely my inability to make up my mind.
It has always been very difficult for me to decide things. Also to decide for people.. I have only been in very short stormy relationships that I abandoned. I have had a hard time falling for normal good men, but feel for exotic types, older guys, guys who needed saving.. and unattainable men like fantastic teachers or priests (never told them my fascination with them of course).

Then I met this man, who is incredible and who truly loves me, and I don't wanna loose him. But its like I have two voices in my head. One says to be with him, and the other is a very anxious feeling which tells me it will never work out. I am paralysed .. so afraid to make a mistake. It took me one whole year to break up because I had guilt feelings and insecurity feelings and was so darn ambivalent inside. I have hurt this man so much already.. and now we haven't been together for 3 months. I know he still loves me.. but if I don't act real soon, Ill loose him.

So I went to therapy but the therapeut said he couldn't help me.. I confused him.. And I'm not surprised. Because I confuse myself too. Anyhow, now my therapy money is gone.. used.

I dont wanna make this post too long, just ask if there is anyone here who eg. went to good therapy and was given some tools to deal with inability to decide important things (relationship related), what these were, and how to get rid of anxiety that has no name in this regard.

Any knowledge or advice is greatly appreciated. Ciao

 

[madison1101]

Have you tried Christian discipleship? Seek a mature Christian woman who will pray with you, and guide you in studying Scriptures, and teaching you to seek Godly wisdom.

My therapist helped me learn decision making skills as they relate to life decisions, but not with respect to men.

Pray and ask the Lord for your relationship with Him to be strengthened, and then ask for a discipler. God wants you to have a healthy relationship with Him, before you have a relationship with a man.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[SisterKatie]

Have you tried Christian discipleship? Seek a mature Christian woman who will pray with you, and guide you in studying Scriptures, and teaching you to seek Godly wisdom.

My therapist helped me learn decision making skills as they relate to life decisions, but not with respect to men.

Pray and ask the Lord for your relationship with Him to be strengthened, and then ask for a discipler. God wants you to have a healthy relationship with Him, before you have a relationship with a man.

Hugs,
Trish

Dear Trish.

Thanks for your kind words. I have noticed your empathetic responses to people here. God bless you for that.
I know I definately need to be more disciplined in my prayer life. I freely admit that I sometimes feel God takes care of me in many things, especially spiritually, and answer me directly in many ways, except from when it comes to this relationship, where I feel much silence from Him... Or maybe He is speaking but I am not willing to accept a 'no', but then again, I also asked Him to help me let go if it wasn't His will for us to be together.. and I haven't been able to let go yet.

I am really having a war in my head.. I can say, half the day I want this man and the other half I have anxious feelings of doubt.

Anyway. I have talked, and continue to talk to quite a few good Christian women. I live in a Christian community and the older women here share their stories and advices with me. They have much wisdom to share. My mother has also been of help in advising me. They all tell me to give it a second chance with the relationship, and see if I can be less scrupolous. But its hard. I am scared of hurting my ex boyfriend again.......