Advice needed

[SeekHimInEverything]

I am unequally yoked in a marriage. I became a Christian during the marriage. The problem is I have had prior suspicions of my husband having inappropriate texts with other women. Flirtatious in nature. I did confront, but he did not take responsibility for his actions. He laughed off the texts. Fast forward a year and one half.... I have had conversations with four individuals who have filled me in on his past actions on his prior marriages (unfaithfulness multiple times and abuse both physical and emotional). Three have stated they have heard he has been unfaithful to me a few years ago. Due to him not owning up to the message I came across prior, I am now considering a separation. I don't have reason to believe the individuals would be making up his unfaithfulness, but I am contemplating if separation is the best action to take. It's hard to make a decision based on others words. Also, I have a feeling when I leave he will end the marriage. It will make things difficult for me but not impossible to be on my own. I do have fears that I am trying to not let get in the way, but to trust in God instead to work out the details. I would love advice on how you might handle this situation. Separation, divorce or stay in situation because infidelity happened years ago. I am worried though this is a pattern in his behavior.

 

[Greengardener]

It is understood that I can only go on what I read and might have misread. But here's my opinion.

While many will recommend forgiving, my thought is that women are very vulnerable when a man is unfaithful, and a separation is warranted. Allowing God to work is always a good idea. Praying for your husband is appropriate. Forgiving him is something that you would do to free yourself, but I personally would have a hard time trusting someone who stepped over into infidelity, whether in intent or act, which is why I think swift separation is the right choice when infidelity has happened. I would consider that letting the man out of the contract would be more in line with what their behavior indicated they wanted. I'd try to avoid the drama part because when you consider it, if he's been flirting with others and you have reason to believe the testimony of others, it's very cut and dry that he has likely made a choice to walk in disdain of your agreement, and if you left and he ended the marriage, it wasn't high on his priority list. I'm no expert and this is just my opinion.

May you stay safe. May you see what is real and find strength as you walk through whatever this ends up being. May you find grace and peace as you trust the Eternal LORD to help you.

 

[Endeavourer]

The best forum for helping a spouse walk through the steps of whether to stay or go is marriagebuilders.com. There is also a lot of information there about how to save marriages due to infidelity, when to save them and when not to save them. Your husband appears to be a serial adulterer. My instinct is that after you go through a judicious process you'll find the marriage cannot be saved. Serial adulterers are simply not trustworthy and in order to ensure they are being faithful you almost have to be their jailer. It's a very difficult situation for a woman to endure, and for a man to put up with. The other option, though, is his continued cheating.

I'd urge you to post your story at marriagebuilders.com for step by step (free) advice on what to do next.

(((Hugs))
E.