Advice how to act when someone.....

[Mangatant]

Dear all,

I am happy I found this forum. It is really a place where you can find support, help and friends too.

I have a question here. Need some advice from you.

I have a girl living in our home. In fact it is my oldest daughets friend.
She was in hospital before she came here. But, I could not see this lovely girl, who we have known she was a little girl, sitting there suffering.

She is now going to a great school here where she can come and go as much as she has energy to. And she is doing it great.
But, she has her problem with hurting herself in different ways.
Tonight she was cutting her arms again. She had a horrible anguish.
She has some tablets to take. But they doesn´t seems to help.

I sat with her up to 03.30 when she slept at last.

My question, how to talk with her. I mean I find it best to not take so much notice of her cutting. And I tryed to make her relaxed and sleepy. Giving some attention, water, a warm blanket etc.

In a situatuon like this, is it better to be like that. Or how should I act ?

I am happy for any advice. I just feel I with help from God shall help this girl a bit on the way to a better health.
She is on her way to it !
But her self-injury problem is still there. And it is a long way still.
She is waiting for therapy here .

thanks and

God Bless you all

Love

 

[pockleberry]

I think it depends on how she feels about he self harm, for some people it is helpful for them to talk about why at that moment they want to hurt themselves as talking with another person can help them to see that they don't actually need to do it. However some people find it hard to talk about their self harm and so what you are doing sounds like a very good thing. I guess if you can you should ask her what she would find most helpful...

 

[texannurse]

Gosh, I would love to have someone just sit with me during the hard times! This girl is very blessed to have someone like you in her life. I think what you did is probably the best thing you could have done. I know for me, I was not able to even discuss SI or think about quitting until I was ready - not when my therapist or friends or whoever - but when I was ready.
Just give her space and love. If she cuts to release the pain, maybe she'll get to the point where she can release verbally rather than physically.

May God bless you and this girl!!!

 

[mamalonglegs]

The best thing to do is to put the responsibility of her stopping S.I. squarely on her shoulders. It has to be her decision. S.I. is a choice. She also needs to know that there are other choices. Tell her that you are available to talk with or do something fun with that would be distracting for her. Do not baby her nor approach her when she is in trouble.

However, make sure she knows that you are willing to help if she will come to you and ask for it.

She needs to learn how to ask for help herself. Babying her will only enable her and cause co-dependency at an emotional level and she will take you for quite the ride not intending to harm you or drain you. She just wants to be taken care of because she most likel never was cared for. But that will not help unless she learns to as for help and then ask for what she needs from you as to how you can help her best.

Again, be firm but loving and gentle. Tell her you when you can be available and how she can ask for help and that she needs to explain to you what kind of help she needs from you.

No more staying up late at night babying her. She must take care of herself. Tell her to come up with 30 Alternatives to S.I. That takes awhile to put together. But if she serious about wanting to become injury free she will work on it, respect your bounderies and learn to have the courage to ask for help when she needs it.

It might for you at first when you see her struggling and not reaching out. But you must wait for her to come to you. This is a very important step in the healing process of someone who is involved in S.I. I know this from experience and as tough as it was to make the transition to reach out on my own. It helped a great deal to show me that I actually can have power over myself and make decisions for myself to help myself become more healthy and learn that people care. All I have to do is take courage, step out of my comfort zone and ask.

mamalonglegs

 

[chloeobrien]

I am really glad you are there for her and want to help. I would suggest talking to her about it and ask her how she feels about her self-injury. If she feels like she needs to, to help her get through whatever is going on with her then don't try to get her to stop that will only make things worse. That is what happened with me and my mother when I was living at home all the time. Let her know you are there for her and want to be there to help her through these times but you are unsure of how to help at this time. Ask her if she enjoyed being comforted lastnight, I know I enjoy it (I'm going through recovery, but before I didn't want anyone to be close to me when I hurt myself). If she enjoys it then continue doing so, if not ask her if there is something else youc an do to help her out. Maybe ask her if she would like to see a therapist about it, but let her know she doesn't have to see one, that you're only offering it in trying to help. If she does then help her find a therapist she likes, because if she doesnt like em she wont talk and progress won't be made. If she doesn't ask her if she feels comfortable talkign to you about it or someone else around,a nd that you would like to be there and listen to her problems, or have someone she can talk to about things so she doesn't have to feel alone in this, because feeling alone can be a scarry thing, scarry enough to want to hurt self. Maybe show her this site, and see if she wants to come her to vent and talk with others who have the same problems, or have gone through it or know someone with the problem. It can help a lot. Ask if she would like to read about self-injury. Read about how others have recovered and that it is possible but it is a hard thing to do... a good book I highly recommend is "Bodily Harm" I don't know where you're from but I know where I am at we have a book store called Barnes and Nobles and I know they sell it there, its only like $12. You need to find out what she would like from you, and find out where she is in it all, if she wants to stop but doesn't feel ready to, feels ready to but doesn't know how to, or if she feels she needs to continue with this behavior once you find that out it will be a lot easier to help her. I wish you the best of luck and if you would like to PM me you can or if you want to e-mail or IM just PM me and ask. I'm pretty open about my self-injury and will talk about it with you if you would like to know about it. I also wrote a research paper on self-injury its not any mroe than 15 pages and it sums up all of what I as a self-injurer find as helpful resources to go to, and things I would like others around me to do to help me. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

wow... she is sooo sooo lucky to have you... i think just be there for her... i believe she will open up and talk to you wen she feels she is ready...

 

[berry2000]

Wow I agree with the others. I think this girl is so blessed to have someone who will sit with her through the hard times. People like that are few and far between. Don't push her to stop she may not be ready. On the other hand...helping her come up with a list of "other" things she can do to release the pent up emotion might be helpful...if she feels safe enough to talk....that's the key...she might not know how to talk yet.