Advice for those with BPD?

[Matariki]

My brain is an utter mess, I'm having trouble making sense of anything and I'm confused.

Recently life has been stressful for me, working with my psychiatrist I was diagnosed with multiple different disorders. My psychiatrist believes that 80% of the problems that I am dealing with are the result of abuse. BPD is one of them.

I often feel alone and isolated from everyone around me. I often feel that no one is interested in knowing me as an individual, yet alone cares. I wish I could feel secure, safe, loved and heard, but I don't feel any of that. People may see me, but they never hear me. I feel that I am demanding too much, and I find myself beating up on myself and becoming extremely defensive around people. I don't trust people, I feel shattered. I feel to earn the love and respect of others I have to climb up mount Everest, and when they do offer what I need, I have trouble accepting and believing in it. I'm not sure what it will take for me to believe in people again, I've been hurt to the point where I want very little to do with humanity. Half of me wants to end this, the other half wants to keep fighting, hoping and planning for a better tomorrow.

My emotions flick on and off like a light switch, go up and down like a roller coaster to the point where I feel sick, I want it to stop. One of my greatest fears is that through my pain I am hurting others around me. Its so frustrating that I get to the point where I bang my head against walls, concrete, poles etc. I'm sick of pinning my need for happiness on other people, its like I'm a vampire going around sucking the joy out of others.

Is hope really there, or is it a mere illusion? Are there really any logical reasons to keep pushing on through the nightmare of life? Why should I live for others, when I struggle finding reasons to live for me? Why is life important, why is my life important? I'm I really living life here in reality, or is just one bad dream? How do I escape this?!

I'm feeling really depressed over this at the moment. Ironically I'll probably feel happy tomorrow and then the cycle will happen all over again, like a repeating song.

 

[Matariki]

bump ^

 

[madison1101]

I will go into more detail later, but right now, I can tell you there is hope, if you are willing to do the footwork of therapy with a therapist experienced with BPD, preferably using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Also, get involved in a Bible Study at church, and ask someone to mentor you, disciple you, guide you in your walk with the Lord. Confide in this person about your insecurities and ask them to show you scriptures what assure you of God's eternal love.

 

[madison1101]

I remember feeling all of the feelings you described. I no longer feel that way. It took a long time in therapy, and being discipled by a good friend, for me to stop feeling like that.

I also have Bipolar Disorder, which is controlled by medication. When I do not take my meds as prescribed, I have a lot of problems.

BPD is a maladaptive patter of thinking, feeling and behaving. Therapy can help with this greatly. So can the discipleship relationship. My friend is really good at setting boundaries, and showed me completely unconditional love and acceptance. She knows everything there is to know about me, the good, the bad and the ugly.

Are you in therapy? Make sure the therapist is licensed, and experienced in working with BPD.

God bless.

Trish

 

[Hand_of_Grace]

I was diagnosed with BPD. the therapy options offered me werw medication, (pharmakiah) or hypnotism.

i said no thanks and due to the circumstances at the time, the powers that be tried to force it on me.

all this happened after i was saved, and i was on fire for the Lord.

the world thought there was something wrong with me.

 

[Matariki]

Are you in therapy? Make sure the therapist is licensed, and experienced in working with BPD.

I am working alongside with a counselor whom I've known for years. I haven't started therapy for BPD yet but I'm looking into it. At the moment the local mental health system is trying to find a psychiatrist for me to work with.

 

[blackwolf001]

I actually feel just like that right now. Where i live councilling services like i need are virtaully non existant .. they usually have a 12 month waiting list.. Got to love the government. I am steuggling right now .. i dont want to commit suicide but i do want to die I love so deeply that it pushes others away i am lost

 

[lakejs89]

Blackwoolf, I can relate to how you feel because I get over emotional due to my personality disorder. I am not saying that this is a fix for everything, but it does help me to get involved in a hobby, occupying my mind.
I particularly find that simply looking at pictures of places that are warm and friendly, such as family Christmas gatherings, are an effective way to relieve the stress of the painful feelings.
Also, remind yourself that you WILL be happy again sometime, because it is statistically impossible for you to always be sad.
That being said, I do understand the deep feeling of sadness associated with BPD.
Therapy does work, if done by the right person who you have a rapport with.

 

[blackwolf001]

thanks. Yes .. actually a strange thing has happened. Since surrendering fully to God a few weeks ago my symptoms have virtually disappeared. Wonderful.So strange. The lady I love has just left me completely with no explanation and yet my depressive aspect is non existent. So strange for me. It really is something I havent encountered before. Would be nice to be able to find a therapist. But a 12 month wait is too long for me

 

[RainbowBaby]

.

 

[blackwolf001]

Yes, it is wonderful ... how our lives are changed, how our sufferings and burdens are easier to bear ... when we surrender to God and make choices to stay near to Him.

I need daily to do that kind of 'surrendering' that you speak of ... and sometimes more often than that (when my illness is kicking in) ... and when I do, I find that God is always near, to help.

I am grateful, that God is more faithful to me than I am to Him.

While most of my symptoms have not returned I am suffering from major depression as over the week since I surrendered the lady I love decided to be my girlfriend and then broke all contact with me for no reason I wonder why God allowed this to happen .. he changed her mind not me.. not her.. She was certain even on the day I surrendered that she would never be my girlfriend .. one week later she had said almost yes ..as in thathshe would say yes after she spoke to her parents regardless of what they said ,. well she broke that. Now she gone and I miss her so much

 

[RainbowBaby]

.

 

[WalrusGumBoot]

Is hope really there, or is it a mere illusion? Are there really any logical reasons to keep pushing on through the nightmare of life? Why should I live for others, when I struggle finding reasons to live for me? Why is life important, why is my life important? I'm I really living life here in reality, or is just one bad dream? How do I escape this?!

I am a man married to a woman with BPD for 23 years. Why do I feel distant to her most of the time? It is because I know if I draw close, she will ultimately push me away again.

I yearn for a "normal" marriage. I yearn that SHE would be the one, and not have to divorce and start all over again dating to try to find happiness.

It is frustrating to me to see her trying to cope with the basics of life and failing, being in denial as to how she pulls and pushes people away until they decide to stay away to keep their sanity.

There are testimonies of people here that have (or have had) BPD and went into therapy and shown great improvement. I have heard testimonies of others on other sites that are completely cured. Nobody can fix you... only you can fix you. Do it for yourself. It may take a while, but when you start seeing intimacy growing in your relationships, true intimacy, you will find it all worth it.