Advice for a new Dad

[mojorising]

My son Evan was born in June; he is a happy and beautiful boy. I feel like the proudest papa ever! My wife and I have had the best time as new parents, but being that the baby is such a blessing, and my wife seems to have adjusted really well, I feel rather guilty about some anxiety I feel. It’s all new to me, and I don’t know if why I feel like this.



Is this a passing thing for new dads?

Any tips regarding staying awake without caffeine? …having relaxation time without feeling guilty?



I feel guilty because we were very ready for a child, but I’m having some problems adjusting, I guess. I’m a parent now, but so is my wife, and she doesn’t seem at all worried. I make enough to support us, but I don’t know what this is????

Thanks,

mojo

 

[retooferab]

Get out of the driver's seat...

As a daddy, my advice is pray for God's leadership in your life as husband, father, child... Follow. Let Him drive. Enjoy the ride!

 

[mojorising]

Get out of the driver's seat...

As a daddy, my advice is pray for God's leadership in your life as husband, father, child... Follow. Let Him drive. Enjoy the ride!

Ahhh, well said as the snwser for life's problems in general. thank you for responding.

mojo

 

[green suiter]

As you and your wife find the right routine you anxiety will become less.

Quote:
As a daddy, my advice is pray for God's leadership in your life as husband, father, child... Follow. Let Him drive. Enjoy the ride!

Good advice,

But also try to fit youself in with some of MOM's routines so not only does mom get a break but when you get one you won't feel as bad. I have 3 wounderful children from 1yr,3yrs, and 7yrs of age they all need one on one time with me, my wife, themselves, and their siblings so everybody gets alittle of the quite, one on one,and family time. Don't worry with G-d on your side he'll help you and your wife get adjusted in a new routine that works for you and your Family.


PS. Enjoy the blessing of life, for it was a blessed gift from G-d!!!!!!!

 

[Jenna]

It takes time to really grow to be comfortable with the responsibilities of parenthood. You just need to give yourself some more time to get into the swing of things. There's no need to worry. It will all work itself out.

 

[LynnMcG]

Don't over think it. Enjoy it. You know how everyone said your life will never be the same? It won't. And you're going to be so glad! God bless your family and your new little one!

 

[karla]

My husband was very anxious after we had our daughter. He just felt like he wasn't sure if he was doing things right and it was even more difficult for him because it seemed as though I knew what I was doing. Just listen to your instincts. For me, I was always around children and babies as I was the oldest in the family including my cousins. Enjoy the time you have together. Don't feel guilty if you are taking time for yourself, but also make sure your wife takes some time for herself. Often moms get in the "mommy" mode and forget they have needs that must be met. This can lead to a lot of frustration...I know it did for me in the beginning. I felt as though I needed to be superwoman and supermom and superwife. As far as the no sleep...it does get better. Try to relax when the baby is sleeping or napping. We now have two children and my husband is a pro! Congrats.

 

[mamaneenie]

COngratulations on your new baby. It does take a lot of adjusting after a baby is born. Try to get a lot of rest, and also to give your wife a rest too. If baby is sleeping, you and your wife have a sleep too. I found that if I just thought about the chores that were really important and got those done first, everything kind of fitted into place a bit more. The house was a bit of a mess at times, but what is more important than spending time with your wife and baby. As for the sleeping thing, it does get easier, so much so that even though my son who is nearly 3 wakes occasionally I tend to go in and manage (I don't know how) to stay half asleep. You do get used to it, and babies don't always wake up through the night.

 

[andiesmama]

The sleep thing (or lack of it!) was a huge deal to me, too! At the time, it seemed like those midnight feedings up 2 or 3 times a night, they were lasting forever...but in retrospect, it was a flash in the pan! You WILL get used to it, I promise! And all I can say is enjoy the time of closeness & bonding with your little one. It all goes by too fast!!!

And no matter what anyone says, parents don't automatically gain insight to care & feeding of babies as soon as they are born! (Not saying anyone here said that, just sometimes what you read & hear make you think that!) It's a learning experience at the least, and trust me...you WILL WILL WILL make mistakes and second guess yourself. But pray to God for guidance, and it will all work out ok!!

Congratulations, by the way!! Enjoy the ride!!

 

[bliz]

I have seen a lot of Dads allow themselves to be pushed out of parenting by their wives. Mom seems to do it all so much better and so much more effortlessly. (Trust me - Mom's don't always feel that it's so easy or effortless!) But you need to jump in and do, even if she can do it "better".

I know a couple and after dinner, Mom has free time (soak in the tub, read a book, go for a walk...) and Dad does dishes, after dinner activities, get ready for bed and the bedtime story. Mom is there for a goodnight kiss, but she gets a much needed break and Dad has great time alone with his kids.

 

[E-beth]

I think it is cool when daddies want to be the best parents they can be. And also when Dads want to be hands-on!

It's all good and it is all part of the process. Your child isn't the only one growing...so are you two as parents. Just like your baby, you have to learn by trial and error. And with God's help, the journey is wondrous.

 

[herev]

All I can say--I'VE BEEN THERE! When our first was born in Feb of 2003, I was a wreck. I was ALWAYS anxious. Best advice is given above, but mostly, just try to know that it's not unusual and doesn't make you a bad dad--things will come around in time
God Bless
Tommy

 

[mojorising]

Thank you all soooo much for the advice and support!

My inlaws are taking my wife out of town Friday with some girlfriends to give her time away, and me some " son and pop" time...Sunday, she and I will go to church, and have sweetheart time while the my parents watch Evan until monday! Everyone wins!

Thanks again, and God bless you all. I knew I could count on my brothers and sisters here!

mojo

 

[andiesmama]

Yay!! Have fun....bonding time is awesome!!

 

[Jinn_Ku]

My son Evan was born in June; he is a happy and beautiful boy. I feel like the proudest papa ever! My wife and I have had the best time as new parents, but being that the baby is such a blessing, and my wife seems to have adjusted really well, I feel rather guilty about some anxiety I feel. It’s all new to me, and I don’t know if why I feel like this.



Is this a passing thing for new dads?

Any tips regarding staying awake without caffeine? …having relaxation time without feeling guilty?



I feel guilty because we were very ready for a child, but I’m having some problems adjusting, I guess. I’m a parent now, but so is my wife, and she doesn’t seem at all worried. I make enough to support us, but I don’t know what this is????

Thanks,

mojo

Out of all the countless people having children in the world, God gave that child to only you. God knew what He was doing when He made you the father, because there is something that child will need that only you can give. Rest in the knowledge of who God has made you to be, because He didn't make a mistake in his selection.

Staying awake? I just gave up sleep. Seems to be working well for me.

If you have any more children, the adjustment will start all over again. In fact, wait a month and the adjustment will start all over again. They constantly change, so don't worry about adjusting. Parenting is the course of study where you take the test before reading the book.

 

[Judilyn]

I can sure relate to how you are feeling. When our 1st was born, she is now 17 and will graduate this year, I was so insecure about many things. I already had a degree in Child Development and had been working with kids for many years. But this felt so different and for the first time I felt inadequate to do the job God had called me to do, Mother!

Plus I had post partum depression so that was not helping my emotions. I guess what I'm trying to say is that everything your are feeling is normal. My advice;

Help your wife as much as possible. My husband was so afraid that he would hurt her that he hardly touched her for the 1st 6 weeks. No kidding the first time I took their pic together he looked scared to death! Now, being a more seasoned parent, he wishes he could re-do her newborn time.

Don't feel guilty about taking time for yourselves. At first it will feel strange but alone time is so important to your marriage. If you have never read "The 5 Love Languages" I suggest that you and your wife both read that book. IT will help you gain new perpesctive on how to stay connected with one another. Your child will thrive in a home where the marrige is strong and in the long run it benefit the child.

You will probably have more trouble convincing your wife to leave the baby with a friend or relative while you 2 go out together. Especially when the baby is really small.

God Bless, And enjoy the many years ahead. Our children are now 17, 14 and 9. When they were babies everyone said, "Oh these years will fly by". At the time I did not believe them. But they really do grow up fast.

 

[mojorising]

The weekend alone with Evan was wonderful, and so was the Sunday I had alone with my wife. I think I'm figuring out how to get some balance. Work, time with my wife, and time with my baby, and then time with my baby AND wife, ANd making time to have fellowship, and come to the CF, too.

Bonding with evan was incredible! I have more confidence that things will be alright, but I've been so nervous about it, and I felt a little alone in it. I also fely guilty since my wife seems to be doing great, and I needed to catch up.

Tahnk you ALL so very much for your thoughtful posts, and support. I really appreciate the encouragement, and advice. I feel much less alone in this.

I'm sure I'll be back for more in the future. I feel like I'm the first dad, and I need a raod map!

God bless you all!

mojo

 

[mamaneenie]

Sounds like you guys are going to do just fine.

 

[Dexx]

It takes time to really grow to be comfortable with the responsibilities of parenthood. You just need to give yourself some more time to get into the swing of things. There's no need to worry. It will all work itself out.

I found it extremely hard when i first became a parent 7 years ago. It was hard to adjust as, until that time, my wife and i had "lived for us". We could go out any time we liked and sleep in on weekends. With a new baby came new responsibilities and alot of work.

My second child wasnt as difficult since i had been "broken in". Now i am in the routine. Being a parent is who i am. There are things that need doing each day. I still get time for just me, or "couple" time with my wife. Its important that you preserve a little time for yourselves.

 

[mojorising]

I found it extremely hard when i first became a parent 7 years ago. It was hard to adjust as, until that time, my wife and i had "lived for us". We could go out any time we liked and sleep in on weekends. With a new baby came new responsibilities and alot of work.

My second child wasnt as difficult since i had been "broken in". Now i am in the routine. Being a parent is who i am. There are things that need doing each day. I still get time for just me, or "couple" time with my wife. Its important that you preserve a little time for yourselves.

Gosh...thank you for that!
I've had so much support, and I thank you for yours'. Everyone seems to know that it comes as a surprise to men...I didn't know!
Atleast I'm getting more confident. My son turned 5 months on Sunday..it feels like years! Not that I don't love it, but his mom seems like she's done this before!

mojo