Advice? And maybe some encouragement?

[looksgood]

It has been 3 years since I seen this girl. We never really spoke much but I was very atracted to her. It seemed she felt those things too at times. But anyway, I pushed her out of my mind and have began to have dreams of her now though. I grew up since I last seen her and was thinking of going to visit her in church one day. We used to go to the same one but I had to leave.

Anyway I thought of going after all this time and asking if she wanted to go get a bite to eat and talk, just as friends. You know, let her know I want to get to know her.

I grew up since I last seen her and now know my worth. So I think rejection would not hurt as much.

Your thoughts?

Oh one more thing, I started working out. I have lost some pounds and inches and am continueing. Do you girls ever consider that a guy may look better soon? I mean I was wondering if I needed to wait a little while to make a better impreasion, or do you ladies actualy understand that things change and don't judge by first sight?

 

[msjones21]

That's a tough situation. Sometimes it takes years to realize what we want out of someone. Sometimes it takes years to change a person into somebody you don't want. As far as your appearance is concerned I am not one who goes for looks first although some women do. Typically though women are not as hung up on the looks as men are so you're probably home free there.

The one thing that raises a red flag in my mind is when you say you pushed her out of your mind. Why did you and just how well did you know her before? Just go have a bite to eat with her and catch up on old times. You may find out she is somebody you should have left in the past or you may find out that she's just right for you. Maybe you're just meant to be friends. You'll never know unless you make the move, be bold, and pray pray pray. Good luck to you and God bless!

 

[wonder111]

Do you feel compelled by God to do something about this? or is this something that you are hoping for?

oh, and about the appearance thing every woman is different. I can hardly remember any physical qualities on people I've just met, because I have a hard time listening to someone and getting a first impression when i'm focused on their looks. I find doing both at the same time hard to do. go figure!

 

[looksgood]

The one thing that raises a red flag in my mind is when you say you pushed her out of your mind. Why did you and just how well did you know her before?

Well you see, I had thought we would never meet again. Though in the back of my mind I thought we would. I knew that I had to let the past go. So I thought I would just ignore my feelings toward her and they would go away. I guess I never really been able to push her out though. I think I just wished that I had. Cause it could harm the rest of my life if I hung on to something that was not or would never be mine. Still, my grandparents have a pic of her i have to see every time I am there. I still see her family every now and then. But not too often. So I guess I can't really say I pushed her out of my mind.

As for how well I knew her...I knew her fairly well. She was a Godly girl. She truly loved God and I think that is one thing that I loved about her. She was close to her family. And for that matter so was I. She was amazingly smart and a bit shy. I tried to talk with her a few times but both of us were shy. Some times it felt like the cold sholder. But then there were times she would be very friendly. I was at her graduation. She was also at mine. At the time I knew her she was a bit childish. But then so was I. I knew a lot about her and her family. They liked me by the way.

I still know she has hassel eyes, 2 feckles on her right arm, same hight as I am, and she is the most beuatifull girl I ever seen in my life. But it has been 3 years and no doubt we both changed. Thats why I thought of takeing her to dinner as friends. Just to find out who she is now.

 

[mina]

you will never know unless you ask her out. no matter how you look , most girls will be flattered when a guy takes a risk for them.

 

[looksgood]

Do you feel compelled by God to do something about this? or is this something that you are hoping for?

I would not be considering this without having the scriptures in my mind. You see, as time has gone by God has made me into what I think to be a good Godly man. I have taken care of a family and all sorts of things. I used to ask God for a wife. And after I left the church we both went to (long story, but I had to find another church) I desided that I would let God deside who my wife should be. Soon enough though I realised that I didn't NEED a wife. So I desided that if I were to have one or not it didn't matter. I was already content.

But I still have this desire to show love to someone. And I asked God about it. Now I am still dreaming of her and thinking of her. Then I thought, if God wants me and her together He will make it happen. So what should happen next? LOL God opens the scriptures to me. Whosoever FINDS a prudent wife... and so on. He took me through many scriptures and the one I think fits it best is, "The preparations of the heart is for man, but the answer of the lips is from God". Anyway, without bringing all the scriptures out He showed me that it is up to me to deside the way I wish to go, and God will direct me to the goal.

So I understood that I have a part to play. If I truly wish for anything I must reach for it. God will make up the distance I can't reach. I am thinking of this with her because of these dreams and thoughts. But I know enough to take small steps and see if it is what I want. Thats why I said the word friends.

So it is something I am compeled to do by my own heart. If she be the one God would join to me and me to her so be it. But if not so be it. I just feel that maybe I should do something about this.

 

[wonder111]

well you sound like you are in the right place! especially trusting in God for the right decision and being ok with that decision. Plus the fact that you were satisfied without the relationship shows that you are in a good place. I just know from a couple of people that they were constantly looking for someone to bring them love, the fact that you said you want someone to show love to shows that you are where God wants you.

many blessings !!!!

 

[looksgood]

Yeah it's funny how things happen. I was supposed to leave the old church a while before I did. God had been instructing me to do so. But in the end I was rebeling and staying there cause I loved them all. I ended up in a bad way by the time I desided I just had to go.

When I was last there I was unlearned in life. I had no job, I didn't understand humility, had no plans for the future, and was not responcable. But since then I came through a large fast working trial. I am sure of who I am now. I am also sure of my God! When I tell people what all I been through in fact the first thing they think I am talking about is veitnam lol.

But today I am glad to say I have held a good job 2 years, and will continue. I learned what a pittifull state even a christian can get to and it humbles me. And my plans for the future are to provide for my family here until God blesses me with my own. As far as responcability...lol you wouldn't believe it. But it took over 3 years of shoot outs, and all kinda stuff to forge me. One event at least per week.

Funny how God will bring you through things in life that will make you to understand who you are and prepare you for things.

 

[looksgood]

I guess now I just need to think of when to go. My whole family started going to church with me now and I am not willing to do anything that would keep them from going. My mom goes when I go and I don't want her missing church cause of me.

Plus I personaly don't want to miss going to my church. So I have to find out what to do about this. LOL, and I don't think my family is gona like the fact that I would go to the old church after all the things that happend there. So I would definitaly hear it when they found out. But then again all I would have to tell them is "I have my reasons".

 

[goodgirl]

get in touch -- what could it possibly hurt? Perhaps God laid her on your heart for a reason.

 

[looksgood]

Maybe He did. Either way I plan to do something abou this. But I don't want to frighten her. I think I know know what I would be saying too.

"We never really did ever get to know each other too well. Guess I was too shy to talk with ya. But anyway, I was wondering if you would like to go get a bite to eat sometime and just talk? You know, kinda get to know each other?"

If no I will just say ok, I was just wondering. At least then I will not have a regret of inaction. But if she said yes I was going to take her to a japanies place where they cook in front of you and give a show too. I know a chef there that does a flaming heart.

Anyone think it is a good idea for me to say that and do that? Just wondering what you ladies responce would be if it was you?

 

[looksgood]

Um, no one ever answered that. I really am looking for some feed back lol I am very needy LOL.

 

[mina]

I think it would be a nice gesture. I would like it if a guy asked me out and had been thinking of me. Just don't be overly zealous and scare her to death.

 

[Stanfi]

looksgood,


I'm not lady, but I just wanted to give you piece of advice if I may. I can tell you have been thinking a lot about this, which is understandable don't get me wrong. I just don't want you to get your heart and hopes all wraped up in it, then if it doesn't go the way you want, you won't get hurt to bad.

I'm not saying it will. I suffered with the old broken heart to many times, and I don't like to see anyone else get hurt either.

Just a word of caution that's all.

However, what you are doing does sound like a good idea. I think you need to get some more women's input on how to deliver it. I don't think you want it to looked "planned", that might freak her out.

Then again, I'm the village idiot!!

 

[mamaneenie]

you will never know unless you ask her out. no matter how you look , most girls will be flattered when a guy takes a risk for them.

Yep, just don't be too let down if she is going out with someone else, or says no. 3 years is a long time, a lot can happen.

 

[looksgood]

Yeah I know it has been a long time and all. But I am not getting my hopes up too much. Actualy I am not looking for a serious relationship at this time anyway. I was just wanting to get to know her at first and be friends while at the same time keeping her from geting that whole "I can only see him as a friend" thing.

Just wanted to get something rolling. Didn't plan of frightening her. I like slow. And if she sayes no, I got no problem with that. It would only free my mind enough to open my options up more.

 

[Stanfi]

Yeah I know it has been a long time and all. But I am not getting my hopes up too much. Actualy I am not looking for a serious relationship at this time anyway. I was just wanting to get to know her at first and be friends while at the same time keeping her from geting that whole "I can only see him as a friend" thing.

Just wanted to get something rolling. Didn't plan of frightening her. I like slow. And if she sayes no, I got no problem with that. It would only free my mind enough to open my options up more.

Sounds like to me that you've got the right perspective!!

 

[desi]

Go for it. Like others have said, be sure not to come on too strong or built this into something other than checking things out. If you come across like you plan on marrying her tomorrow she will probably bolt. If you come across more grown up and secure than 3 years ago she is likely to be more interested in you now than she was then.

Your approach sounds okay with a few possible modifications. Have another reason for going back to the old church other than to meet her, 'God has been bugging you to check things out since you left etc...' because she may say 'What are you doing here?' When you ask her out try to go out with her after church instead of "sometime". Also, if she says no to going out say something like, 'Yeah my schedule is pretty full too, how about a quick cup of coffee? We both could probably use some caffeine.' The key is to come across spontaneous (Gee, imagine seeing you again after all these years.) instead of canned (like you've put alot of thought into this). If she asks you why you've been asking about her (she may be on to you) just say 'Sam' keeps bringing you up whenever you talk to her/him.

Good luck with this.

 

[looksgood]

Thanks desi. I intend to be very grown up about this. I know at least that I should do this. I just made another thread on it http://www.christianforums.com/showthread.php?p=1469715#post1469715 . I been praying about it and asked God to instruct me in a dream what to do or not do. I let Him know i am not bent on "my wife must be her!" lol. But I told Him it was a thought I had to get to know her and that I wanted to know what He thinks about it. I told Him it was not a need but a desire. LOL at which He replied "I shall give you the desires of your heart"lol.

Anyway, I still plan on the slow crawl. I believe God is instructing me to go for this and I will. But the end of the matter I am leaving to Him. So when you read it don't think that I believe this is a sure thing. I just think that if nothing else I am instructed to pursue this and see where it leads.

And I noticed that I was so nervise in that dream (in that other thread) that I couldn't have given her a rehersed line if I tried lol. So I just let her know that I may never have another chance to ask, and I asked if she wanted to go out and get some dinner with me and get to know each other. But I will not pounce on her and yell MARRY ME!!! LOL.

 

[looksgood]

Well, not long now. I was very nervus as the time draws near. But I am becoming more relaxed the more I pray about this. I will be doing this soon enough.