addicted to counseling?

[lmarie23]

i've been talking to someone else on this site about feeling addicted to counseling. is this a problem? my counselor has been trying to get me go just see him once every other week, because he says i'm doing well. but every time he tries to get me to cut back on counseling i panic and i want to sabatoge things so that i have an excuse to see him sooner. or i do what i just did, i call up and beg to see him sooner just because i'm panicking. now i'm so angry with myself for caving, i feel like i should have risen to the challenge and not called for another appointment. any thoughts on this?

Lynne

 

[AWorkInProgress]

i've been talking to someone else on this site about feeling addicted to counseling. is this a problem? my counselor has been trying to get me go just see him once every other week, because he says i'm doing well. but every time he tries to get me to cut back on counseling i panic and i want to sabatoge things so that i have an excuse to see him sooner. or i do what i just did, i call up and beg to see him sooner just because i'm panicking. now i'm so angry with myself for caving, i feel like i should have risen to the challenge and not called for another appointment. any thoughts on this?

Lynne

hehe think Freud had thesis on how patient got little too emotionally attached to their doctors.

Well what is it about seeing your councilor that draws you back?

I think you have a good councilor thou if he is trying to get you on your own feet. If I were to guess you lean on him too much, so when that support is gone you are frantic to grab ahold of it again.

If this is the case, I highly recommend you focus on your bible studies. Fear is something you should give to God, not your councilor.

 

[lmarie23]

hehe think Freud had thesis on how patient got little too emotionally attached to their doctors.

Well what is it about seeing your councilor that draws you back?

I think you have a good councilor thou if he is trying to get you on your own feet. If I were to guess you lean on him too much, so when that support is gone you are frantic to grab ahold of it again.

If this is the case, I highly recommend you focus on your bible studies. Fear is something you should give to God, not your councilor.

yes, i think i am a little too emotionally attached to my counselor.

i am drawn back to him because he holds me accountable for things. he's basically my accountability partner though it's just a one-way thing. and he is always reminding me of the truth about things, though i'm not always open to hearing it. and he helps me figure out things that are going on in my life. maybe i am doing pretty well but at the same time i keep struggling with the same things that i seem to need help with.

my friends criticize me for being too dependent on people and not God. i guess they're right. i'm kind of afraid to trust God and depend on Him.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

yes, i think i am a little too emotionally attached to my counselor.

i am drawn back to him because he holds me accountable for things. he's basically my accountability partner though it's just a one-way thing. and he is always reminding me of the truth about things, though i'm not always open to hearing it. and he helps me figure out things that are going on in my life. maybe i am doing pretty well but at the same time i keep struggling with the same things that i seem to need help with.

my friends criticize me for being too dependent on people and not God. i guess they're right. i'm kind of afraid to trust God and depend on Him.

hmm..

Well God does make you accountible sister. When the rain comes you see where you have not matured.

I understand thou, want that physical form...so very difficult to give yourself to what you can not see. All I can recommend is start with small thread of faith. Take babysteps of faith and let it grow little at a time. Other is to seek out the supernatural.

My step dad was helping out a healing ministry and had talked to prophets who told him what he needed to hear. www.gracetribute.com believe me it helped my faith, to see an entire family in tears because their father can walk again. Among other things.

Think of your councilor is John the baptist and the bible as Jesus. Over time you want to be less and less of the councilor and more and more of God and his teachings.

Hope this helps sister.

 

[Taylor43]

I can relate to you so much. My counsellor has never mention decreasing or change. You do not lack faith. You need support and to me I feel it is ok. If you need your counsellorrs support ask for it and if he refhers you go with it. You know what is best and if you need to see someone new God is there for you.

You are in way needy but just need help and there is no shame. I myself seek help weekly. God is comforting and we read his word we cab apply to are needs

 

[pockleberry]

I don't know if this helps but God did make us with a need for other people so you shouldn't feel bad about needing others and relying on them sometimes...Maybe you could try talking to your counsellor about why you feel scared about making the gap between appoinments longer, he might be able to help you...

 

[BigToe]

i think there are much much worse things to be addicted to

i think therapy can be useful for as long as we go, i don't think it is one of those things you go until you get "fixed" and then can no longer benefit from it.

 

[UnitynLove]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yC0KQYUHzA Messages 1-7

 

[lmarie23]

I talked to my counselor yesterday and he says I'm too dependent on him, so he's making me see him once every two weeks now. I don't get it, why is it such a big deal? What's wrong with seeing him once a week?

And he says he sometimes wonders if counseling is helping me or hurting me because afterwards i am "stirred up." i think it's normal to be stirred up after talking about difficult things, and he's helped me so much, i hardly could imagine a better counselor, so i don't know how he can say these things....

<confused>

Lynne

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I talked to my counselor yesterday and he says I'm too dependent on him, so he's making me see him once every two weeks now. I don't get it, why is it such a big deal? What's wrong with seeing him once a week?

And he says he sometimes wonders if counseling is helping me or hurting me because afterwards i am "stirred up." i think it's normal to be stirred up after talking about difficult things, and he's helped me so much, i hardly could imagine a better counselor, so i don't know how he can say these things....

<confused>

Lynne

You need to humble yourself sister. Think of it this way, what if he wasn't there at all. What would your mental health be like? Really meditate on that.

Once you understand that, you see his point of possibly doing harm to you. His job is to help you overcome problems and be able to continue a strong mental health so you DONT need him.

Sister, I am going to be blunt. From your poetry and this post, I don't think you really tackled your internal problem. I think your councilor is a good man, but both of you are failing to do what is needed. This inablility to let him go is proof of it. There is something within you that gives you fear that you use the councilor to hide from it. If you keep hiding, you will never be free from it.

Look at it this way, you are a slave to your councilor. Really you are a slave to this problem. He is there to try help you break the shackles, not adding more. Also we try to tell you to build a foundation from God's wisdom because it will empower you to break these chains that hold you down.

There is a lyric in one of my favorite songs which is repeated in different way in the bible.

"And the strength of a tree begins in the roots"

Building on a Solid Foundation

46 &#8220;So why do you keep calling me &#8216;Lord, Lord!&#8217; when you don&#8217;t do what I say? 47 I will show you what it&#8217;s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn&#8217;t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins

Stop running away, ask God to help you in this fight. Do whatever it takes to be free sister. Jesus sacrificed himself to give us freedom.

EDIT I am going throw this in, because I think it is important.

2 Chronicle 7:14-15
Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. 15 My eyes will be open and my ears attentive to every prayer made in this place.

 

[lmarie23]

You need to humble yourself sister.

I know I have many problems and am not perfect, but I don't believe I have much of a problem with pride. I actually have a very low self-esteem. I wish you would judge me when you don't really know me, it hurts me.

I know that I need to eventually be more independent, but it's something i'm working on.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I know I have many problems and am not perfect, but I don't believe I have much of a problem with pride. I actually have a very low self-esteem. I wish you would judge me when you don't really know me, it hurts me.

I know that I need to eventually be more independent, but it's something i'm working on.

I know you are not perfect. We all are far from perfection. I humbled myself back in January, I am a porn addict. I struggle with it every day. I also had many many many other flaws, you can look at my profile to see all the dysfunctions that I found within myself. If it weren't for God, Jesus, Jesus' teachings, and my desire to be free from the slavery of my empty life. I wouldn't be posting all stuff I do or be stable as I am.

I don't hate you, if I didn't cared I wouldn't have spent so much time sharing this with you. I want you to be free and healthy. If I sugar coat it too much or deny what I see. Be no different than saying nothing.

All I ask is you meditate on my words and listen to your spirit.

 

[pwood]

yes, i think i am a little too emotionally attached to my counselor. i am drawn back to him because he holds me accountable for things. he's basically my accountability partner though it's just a one-way thing.

This is my opinion, I do not think a counselor should be an accountability partner for the very reason that you have to schedule your time with the counselor. In the worst case, a counselor can make you dependant and get more dollars because you need more sessions. Best case is not much better. Considering a true friend that you spend time with in ways that has nothing to do with your issues or church functions is the type of person that should be your accountability partner the counselor is not acting in your best interests.

What is happening is that the counselor is giving you what friends and loved ones are not. The only way to remedy this is realize that your feelings are a normal "pain" for something your going through. Since it is emotional is is not thought of as the same as a cut or buise to your physical body, but in respect to healing, it is similar in nature. Just as you will take steps to fix a cut, bruise, broken arm, YOU need to take steps to find a friend that wants to do things with you and listen. This friend, as is the same with the counselor, CANNOT fix you, but is to be a part of your healing. Once you learn that a friend can love you, then you can understand how Jesus can love you and that he will make this right one day and that he is the source of your true mental healing.

my friends criticize me for being too dependent on people and not God. i guess they're right. i'm kind of afraid to trust God and depend on Him.

Maybe these are the wrong people. We are all dependant on people to a certain degree. True friends will offer thier friendship and explain where thier boundries are for that friendship. To say we do not need people in some way is a contradiction to scripture. To offer the blanket statement that you need to just trust God is a cop out. It is never been that simple, we can spend a lifetime seeking to trust God and never fully get there, this is normal.

Find new friends, your healing will take work. True friends will work with you in the details of your life, everyone else is an aquaintence.

 

[BigToe]

I'm gonna be honest with you, this whole situation is making me angry and I don't know why. And reading the responses here is making me angry too. But it might be because I feel they are misunderstanding what you are saying and who you are.

I'm gonna have to think on what a real response is though, but just wanted you to know I'm in your corner. *snuggles*

 

[pwood]

Not sure why responces would make you angry, I think the whole world of depression suffers from too little truth about ourselves and what our responsibilities are concerning getting through it. It also is a fact that if someone is getting overly dependant on a counselor then the counselor is not doing thier job correctly.

Depression and anxiety has become a cash cow for counselors who exploit the very complexity of our emotions and people are all searching for the magic easy answer.

Bottom line getting through tough emotional times means facing TRUTH whatever it may be.

But I won't stop telling the truths that I know.

 

[BigToe]

You don't know lynne's situation and what she is in counseling for. You don't know her and if it is what you think the issue is or not. You're assuming and you're not really all that accurate.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

You don't know lynne's situation and what she is in counseling for. You don't know her and if it is what you think the issue is or not. You're assuming and you're not really all that accurate.

BigToe is right, I screwed up. Going be tough to explain, but I have to fix my mistake and appologize. I just got back home from a trip and just mentally drained. I will edit this post with everything first oppertunity I get.

EDIT:

Lynne, I appologize for I failed you. I asked the right question and you answered, but I somehow ignored with was important and was stuck on "addicted to counciling" part.

i am drawn back to him because he holds me accountable for things. he's basically my accountability partner though it's just a one-way thing. and he is always reminding me of the truth about things, though i'm not always open to hearing it. and he helps me figure out things that are going on in my life. maybe i am doing pretty well but at the same time i keep struggling with the same things that i seem to need help with.

my friends criticize me for being too dependent on people and not God. i guess they're right. i'm kind of afraid to trust God and depend on Him.

Right thing to say is that your friend does not know your situation. You do and have to do what is best for you. To not let others decide for you, such as myself.

If you feel that you still need the councilor's help then don't stop going.

Right advice for this situation.

Struggling with some problem, usually understanding the problem is what helps to lead to a solution for it. Use your councilor as a means of understanding these problems. Also use all tools availible, many can be found online and other resources. Also if you can pinpoint the problem by a certain behavior, check to see how biblical figures dealth with that same problem.

Two types of problem solving; one is "14 Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land." which is used for problem behaviors that are obvious to sorta easy to figure out. Humbling oneself makes the person realize that they have to face this problem instead of ignoring it. Pray to God for guidance, wisdom, and strength to overcome it. Seek his face by looking thru bible to see how God handled these problems. Finally the slow process of change, which normally takes lot of patience and forgiving to get there.

Second method is when the problem is not easy or obvious. Like something wrong with the car, but can't figure it out. Troubleshooting is best, by reviewing the syntoms. Online tools and experience from others can help feel out the problem. www.coping.org is great because it has great information based on the syntom that occurs. Once you understand what is causing the problems, then go to first method.

I appologize for assuming. I don't know the whole story. Your councilor wants to ween you off from visitations, which I assumed he thinks your doing better and really don't need his services as much. You seem to have a great need for him, which gave me the second assumption that maybe not told the councilor real reason you need to keep seeing him. Whatever the case may be just do what you have to in order to help yourself. Only you can determine how much you want to put into this recovery. I pray and hope for the best.

I still believe that you should strengthen your roots in Jesus, but that is my opinion.

Do what you wish with this. I wouldn't blame you if you are mad with me. Think I need to take a break from CF and strengthen my own roots.

May God give you all that you need.

James

 

[pwood]

You don't know lynne's situation and what she is in counseling for. You don't know her and if it is what you think the issue is or not. You're assuming and you're not really all that accurate.

I really do not have to know the situation to know when a counselor is not taking the proper steps to isolate themselves from a clients emotions.

I also know that friends who will not set boundries or just critisize what your going through are NOT good friends.

 

[Taylor43]

I am praying for you hun. I would keep asking the counsellor why he needs to back away from weekly to every two weeks. Can you make a list of why you need to see him? You seem to have legitment reasons to seek his help and if it is helping you i see no wrong.

I used to see my pastor and he kinda did the same with me. It was rough for a year but i am with a better person who is helping me. I have made friends with my pastor but i know his personality and i do not go there with him in emotional issues.

The counsellor i see has no strict boundaries but she is helping me lean on Jesus more. This week she expected a call from me i choose to wait face to face on Sunday.

Every counsellor has set boundaries it is not your respondsibility to know them and it should be set up the plan when you first visit. Your counsellor just shook you up and i encourage you to phone ask the questions and be honest why you need his help. It is ok to be honest it is the best. Also know Jesus is there for you always.

 

[Finn88]

Man this thread is confusing...

Lynne, I think I know how you feel...I dont have a councellor, (yet) but I have a friend who was helping me get through some stuff. I've started to get better now, but I kinda got a tad too dependant on this one friend...he kinda became my coping mechanism! (like a new addiction)Then, because he was my friend too I got totally paranoid that I would either wreck my friendship with him, or he wouldnt spend as much time with me cos Im "better". During this time I have become very apt at knowing what to say to keep him talking to me, or creating issues so that I still need him alot...As it is, he actually is a very good friend, and knows me quite well. This means that he is good at saying "NO" and backing off when Im getting too clingy, but still being able to spend time like regular friends, and is great at listening when I genuinely need to talk!

I know I need to learn to trust God though...
I also am considering proffesional councelling (even though I've started to get better) I think it might ease the pressure on my friendships if I do?! and help me get totally better! I think When you're dealing with big issues, whatever they may be, these two things need to go hand in hand. The proffesionals can help us work it out, get to the root problem and break it down, but its our friends who support us, pray for us and hold us accountable! Its two different roles which need filled in our lives and it gets draining and confusing when one person tries to fill all of them. Does that make sense?

love and hugs,
Finnx