ACCEPTANCE

[exitstageright]

How many of you every wondered,just wondered,if GOD had created me more physically attractive,would I have had someone by now? Before I was married,I had many people,both male and female, tell me,that I am a good person on the inside. But,very few people have told me that they are attracted to me on the outside. Well,I have accepted how I look. But,sometimes,that green-eyed monster,called jealousy,rises.
But,I learned another lesson this week.

I am praying for the family of my Cruise Buddy,Michael Dixon. Mike was beloved by everyone on the Singles'Cruises.His favorite Singles Cruise was the Halloween Cruise.We usually have about 150 to 250 people on our other cruises. But,we usually have 400 to 600 people on our Halloween Cruises.On one Halloween Cruise,I met someone on the 8th,and the last day on the cruise,as we were getting of of the ship.

Mike was a very positive,fun,and encouraging person to be around. For example,one day,I was feeling envious of the tall men,( that were over 6 feet tall,)that were in our singles's group.I told Mike that only the tall guys were getting the attention of the ladies. Well,Mike cheered me up. Mike told me,"Well,you know,Frankenstein's Monster was also over six feet tall."

The following photos described Mike aboard ship,and on our land excursions. When you look at most of his photos,on Facebook,you will see a common theme.Mike is holding an attractive woman in his left hand,and a drink in his right hand. He was as popular with the men,as well with the ladies. I once told Mike,"You are the "Dean Martin" of the 21st Century." Mike just smiled,with that big, and famous smile of his.

Yes,I do admit that sometimes, I wish I could "Be like Mike". I mean what heterosexual male would not like to attract the ladies? But,I have learned,in the game of life,to "play with the cards,that life has dealt me." In others words,I have to accept the fact that GOD did not create me to be one of those "pretty boys".Therefore,I have to be a "nice guy'"

Mike passed away on Saturday,March 26,2016.I do not know how Mike died. But I will always remember how he lived.How he did lived.

 

[dayhiker]

exit . ... sorry to hear your friend passed. A while back you mentioned that you had meet someone on your previous cruise.
How did that go?

 

[exitstageright]

exit . ... sorry to hear your friend passed. A while back you mentioned that you had meet someone on your previous cruise.
How did that go?

Thank you for your support,Dayhiker. There are three ladies,that I met on cruises,that would like to spend more time with me. But,unfortunately,it is that same old freaking hang up. I live too far away from them. One lives in Detroit.One lives in Chicago One lives near Miami. They tell me that I just live too far away,so far away.
I just cannot understand why I cannot connect with someone here in California.Someone who has a lot going for herself,as the ones that I meet outside of California. I have tried dating sites.But I am usually matched with scientists,who are atheists. If it wasn't for this "equally yoke rule" I may have had success by now.

I do not envy wealthy people. But in times like these,I wish that I had a Lear Jet. That way,I could fly,in my Lear Jet, across the country to visit my lady friends.

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, distance is a bugger ... 3 of my GFs have some distance between us. But its still not hear as much has the 3 that are interested in you.

 

[Evie1980]

I am sorry to hear about your friend. He seemed like an amazing guy and friend. It is always nice to have people we admire in our lives.

We always need to remember that admiring someone and being jealous of them are too different things - admiring is when we recognise the good qualities in a person and love them because of it. Where as being jealous is wanting those qualities for ourselves to the point we no longer love or care for the person. I have many friends who qualities (physical attributes; creative skills; personality traits) that I admire in them. I have learnt not to be jealous just because I don't have them. I remember I am a wonderful creation in my own right. No amount of desiring (in the form of jealous) will change who I am. Life is a blessing that way - if we could easily change everything about ourselves to create who we would like to ideally be we would only ever be pleasing ourselves and could never truly love God.

 

[Bass4Jesus]

How many of you every wondered,just wondered,if GOD had created me more physically attractive,would I have had someone by now? [...]

Oh, I know I'd have been married by now. I could get myself fixed with plastic surgery (nose), hair transplants, and diet/workouts (too skinny, BMI=20) and I'd be hot hot HOT. My only positives are I'm tall and I've got the best butt in the county. But I don't care any more. I don't date any more because I don't want to be married; way over half my married friends are miserable, typically because their spouses became intolerable mid-stream or they themselves did and their spouses reacted the way any sane person would -- and it appears those couples chose wisely at the time. (Other couples I know chose solely for looks, fail.) Or their kids are driving them nuts or they had too many of them instead of thinking first and making a short run to Rite-Aid before starting the party. I'm looking at my fingers now. Nothing on any of 'em. Thank you Jesus. Seriously.

Your friend in the pictures has one of those camera smiles that looks completely fake. My gut tells me there was a lot going on inside that guy that few people knew about. I've seen it before.

 

[exitstageright]

Oh, I know I'd have been married by now. I could get myself fixed with plastic surgery (nose), hair transplants, and diet/workouts (too skinny, BMI=20) and I'd be hot hot HOT. My only positives are I'm tall and I've got the best butt in the county. But I don't care any more. I don't date any more because I don't want to be married; way over half my married friends are miserable, typically because their spouses became intolerable mid-stream or they themselves did and their spouses reacted the way any sane person would -- and it appears those couples chose wisely at the time. (Other couples I know chose solely for looks, fail.) Or their kids are driving them nuts or they had too many of them instead of thinking first and making a short run to Rite-Aid before starting the party. I'm looking at my fingers now. Nothing on any of 'em. Thank you Jesus. Seriously.

Your friend in the pictures has one of those camera smiles that looks completely fake. My gut tells me there was a lot going on inside that guy that few people knew about. I've seen it before.

Bass,that was an astute observation of Mike. When I first saw his photos on facebook,I thought the same thing,about his smile being fake. On my first singles'cruise with him,I did not want to meet him.Because, I thought that he may be phony and stuck up. But, I ....was....wrong. Mike wears that same smile when there are no cameras on him. We have our Halloween Cruises in October.We start our facebook page in February. During the night party, before our cruises,many women in our group smile,and greet me warmly,when they see me for the first time in person. They tell me,"S....I just love your posts.They are so positive!"
You see? These women,on the Singles Cruise,appreciate me because they were corresponding with me for nine months before the cruise. They got to know me. But,here at home,the first time I meet someone,whom I am interested in,they do not want to take the time to get to know me. I just do not meet their criteria when they see me in the first 30 seconds,after they first meet me. I usually hear the those four fatal words,"I... don't ....know... you!"

But,you are right.Mike may have had a terminal disease,that he did not want to tell anyone. He may have just decided to "live it up" until his time was up.
And,Bass,you have one big thing going for you. You are tall. But, I cannot,and will not say anything about you butt.
Sometimes,I just wish that GOD would have put a growth gene on the Y(male) chromosome. Then every man would have been at least six foo tall.
'

 

[Bass4Jesus]

Hey Exit, re. Mike, it looks like Oxy Smile. I was thinking something along the lines of depression rather than some physical ailment. Or maybe it was both. The latter can often trigger the former if it hangs around long enough.

On the height deal: I was once in a funk band whose lead guitarist was 5'3" with a slight beer belly. Man, this guy had women in the clubs we played at queued up to meet him and, shall we say, do interesting things with him. And then a married couple I used to run into frequently -- the guy was maybe 5'4", not that great looking, but his wife was much taller & looked like a model.

The common traits: they were confident and funny and extroverts. Their energy was palpable when you were talking with them. It didn't even occur to them they might not have much going on physically.

 

[Hieronymus]

O wow..
I'm 44, am i a "mature" (as in no more youth in you ) already?
Hmmm...
My hair is grey, my teeth are plastic and i am 18 kilograms too heavy...
Guess so huh?
Great...

 

[blackribbon]

There a many beautiful people who end up divorced so no, I don't think looks are the end-all of finding a lasting relationship.

Your friend Mike really isn't anything special physically but I suspect he had a infectious spirit that improved how people saw him the minute he opened his mouth and smiled. And before you get too jealous of him, it sounds like it didn't help him find that "one true love" since he died "single" too.

 

[exitstageright]

There a many beautiful people who end up divorced so no, I don't think looks are the end-all of finding a lasting relationship.

Your friend Mike really isn't anything special physically but I suspect he had a infectious spirit that improved how people saw him the minute he opened his mouth and smiled. And before you get too jealous of him, it sounds like it didn't help him find that "one true love" since he died "single" too.

But,he was divorced and he has two daughters. I do not have any children. But I was always told,in my 20's"S....you are a nice guy.You will make a good husband,and a great father.But...but I have no feelings for you!" So,even though I never smoked,never drank.never did drugs,and never got arrested,those attributes were just not good enough. I guess I was just "overqualified".

 

[quietpraiyze]

What are you doing blackribbon? You didn't know this man. Who is to say he was even trying to find "one true love"? From just reading how he was described and looking at his pictures, he looked like a man who enjoyed life and others...

 

[quietpraiyze]

Soooo exit you really gonna give me a like huh? As much as I know you like music, why haven't you ever posted in the music thread?

 

[blackribbon]

What are you doing blackribbon? You didn't know this man. Who is to say he was even trying to find "one true love"? From just reading how he was described and looking at his pictures, he looked like a man who enjoyed life and others...

I was simply responding to Exit's statement that he wished he was like this gentleman because he appears to feel like it would solve some of his relationship problems....it was not a comment about Mike because I didn't know him...so no, I don't know what Mike was looking for but it is still a real statement to say that he didn't find that "one true love" (that Exits longs for) even if he wasn't looking for it.

 

[blackribbon]

But,he was divorced and he has two daughters. I do not have any children. But I was always told,in my 20's"S....you are a nice guy.You will make a good husband,and a great father.But...but I have no feelings for you!" So,even though I never smoked,never drank.never did drugs,and never got arrested,those attributes were just not good enough. I guess I was just "overqualified".

Were all of your wives opposed to having children with you or is it just something that didn't happen while you were married? I feel for your friend's daughters because having divorced parents kind of messes up their lives even when it sometimes is the best situation for everyone at the time.

 

[exitstageright]

Were all of your wives opposed to having children with you or is it just something that didn't happen while you were married? I feel for your friend's daughters because having divorced parents kind of messes up their lives even when it sometimes is the best situation for everyone at the time.

In the case of my first wife,before we got married,we talked about having children after we were married for four years.We both agreed on this. We wanted to save money,and to travel. It is very hard to travel and to save money,when a couple has kids. Also,my thoughts are, that the first two years,into a marriage,are a great adjustment period. When you have two people,who are independent,having to adjust to living with someone after one gets married. Having children right away after marriage,will complicate the relationship even more. Also,the couple ,hopefully,should be earning more in four more years. I just wanted to have "all my ducks in a row"before having children. Those "ducks" were having a house,saving money,and traveling. In that case is was "Mission Accomplished". However,we were just not getting along,due to our different cultures. If she had been born ,here in the USA,we may still be married now. If she had been pregnant,when I decided to leave,I would have not divorced her.

Well,at least in our case,after four years of marriage,we realized that we did not want to bring children into the world in our hostile environment.

In the second case,well that marriage should not have taken place at all. I am man enough to admit that I made a big,big, mistake. As they say in the U.S. Navy, I pucked up.

 

[quietpraiyze]

I was simply responding to Exit's statement that he wished he was like this gentleman because he appears to feel like it would solve some of his relationship problems....it was not a comment about Mike because I didn't know him...so no, I don't know what Mike was looking for but it is still a real statement to say that he didn't find that "one true love" (that Exits longs for) even if he wasn't looking for it.

No and NO! It is NOT a real statement to say what you said because you don't have anything to base it on. You're just wrong.

 

[blackribbon]

No and NO! It is NOT a real statement to say what you said because you don't have anything to base it on. You're just wrong.

Okay...my point was simply that with all his charm and personality, he was still on multiple single cruises which I hope I would that would mean he didn't have a significant other in his life (or a "one true love"). I don't know anything else about him except that he died. You are correct about that.

 

[miss-a]

I think all we can do is put our best foot forward in all areas of life and then trust that God knows what He's doing. Even when I was in my twenties and pretty much exactly what the culture said a woman had to be in order to be considered very attractive, I didn't find a suitable mate. Yes, I understand that, "If I were more attractive things would go better," thinking, but I'm guessing it's not true. We do our best. That's all we can do. And it's good to be honest with ourselves about all areas of life. Are we putting our best foot forward? Does our wardrobe need updating? Would a couple of weekly visits to the gym and a few more veggies help me be my best? Do I need to learn to listen better and show interest in other people more, take a class, learn a new language, take up a new hobby? We can do all that, and I think we should. But in the end, I'm thinking mating and dating are largely out of our control. So we do the best with the factors we can influence, decide we're going to have a fun, happy life no matter what, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's what I'm thinkin'!

 

[blackribbon]

We are all given 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week. No more. And sometimes there really isn't any time or money left to update or "go to the gym"....not without stealing time or money from another area of our lives. I think the point is to recognize that God never gave us permission to focus on the person in the mirror but rather focus on Him and be willing to accept the short time we have here proving that He is really the God of our lives...both in the good times and the bad. We are to take care of our bodies and minds so that we can be good witnesses, not for our edification. I don't remember any of the apostles caring enough to pass on their exercise program or their diet plan. They simply did as God lead and trusted him to provide the rest...even when it meant the world fell down around their human shoulders. Maybe we are too spoiled by our culture where we think Christianity should be about being "happy" and "having a good life"....

God only gave us instructions to remember to rest and to always focus on Him, especially during that rest.

Maybe this post is really for me to read and embrace.... Maybe we aren't supposed to focus on finding a partner here...especially as we grow older...but rather to focus on becoming the best "bride" we can be for Christ.