Abusive Pastors

[Vostro Znajomy]

Hello Everyone,
I'm new here. My question for everyone is-have you ever had an abusive Pastor in your church? And if so what did you do about it?

I've attended many different churches in my life. It was only recently that I became aware of such things as spiritual abuse or cult-like behavior in churches.

Although this experience has not affected my faith, it has left me with a feeling of apprehension about attending any future churches.

I made a short youtube video about it entitled Bullied By My Pastor. The address is (the sad smilie is not included in the address)-

http://youtu.be/O5_5Zow_6lk

 

[Vostro Znajomy]

I thought I'd go into more detail to see if anyone can relate to this situation. I recently moved to North Las Vegas, NV. and began attending The Potter's House Christian Fellowship Church. Initially, the "Pastor" appeared nice. He offered to give me car rides to services. He bought me dinner. He told me that God had sent me to them.

I let him have my phone number specifically to let me know the date and time of an upcoming church event. From that point on I began to be text messaged before each service about whether or not I would be attending. If my answer wasn't a definite "yes" he would want to know why. Any personal or family responsibilities I may have had that day didn't matter to the "Pastor". I was told "You need to be here" in a rude condescending tone.

He would also tell me strange baseless things were wrong with me if I couldn't attend every service, such as my life is based on feelings not truth or that I think everyone is against me and he could help me. When I finally told him he's being pushy and the things he says about me aren't true, he seemed to have a psychotic break and began calling me repeatedly, several times in just minutes (as my phone records show). He called me names. Everything I told him in confidence as a Pastor, such as my family problems or difficulty finding a job was suddenly being used to insult me through text messages.

It was all about control-think what he wants you to think is true, react how he wants you to react, do what he wants you to do. I stopped attending this church and emailed other Potter's Houses in the state about what happened,expecting some sort of outrage at what this "Pastor" had done. I got only one response from a Pastor that wanted me to email him the text messages. I never heard anything else from him after I did. And there never was any sort of apology given from the abusive "Pastor". The video mentioned in my first message, shows photos of the text messages and the church flyer, which has the same phone number as the texts.

 

[joey_downunder]

Hi there, I haven't ever been in a cult but I have had one or two acquaintances who were.
This link might help answer that important question of yours. Abusive Churches : Spiritual Abuse

 

[Vostro Znajomy]

Hey, thanks.

 

[If Not For Grace]

Churches are like restaurants, not every one you set foot in deserves a 5 star rating. We are to discern, even as new Christians we can know if what is being taught, preached or practiced lines up with the Word of God..if not leave, but remember one bad restaurant does not stop one from eating out.

 

[fdsfndls]

I struggle with spiritual control, myself - it's endemic to church because of the nature of its structure.
We don't do church the way it was designed and modeled for us in the new testament.
Pastors own churchs because of the way we do them.
God is supposed to shepherd his church, a shepherds job means letting God be God.
Ownership is exactly that.

We were never meant to rule each other spiritually. In a healthy church, everyone contributes, everyone follows christ - together. Overseers (bishops) are exactly that - overseers. If someone refuses to follow christ, they're asked to leave, but everyone is involved.
Church was never meant to be run by elite 'rulers'.
There's a reason the early churchs were such a mess. Polite churchs.......
God is for us.

Most people would think I could spit gold boogers, I have so many spiritual gifts, your jaw would drop, but God is God and we arn't.

Forgive.
Love love and it will keep you.

 

[psalm232]

Hi - Ive been there - I can relate....Some pastors are "wolves in sheep's clothing"
and it's a very traumatizing experience.

 

[psalm232]

I've gone through 2 such experiences....one was incredibly painful ...it was a cult and leaving it entailed all of the emotional and relationship earthquakes you could imagine. Feel into a second similar relationship 2 years later- to my SHOCK because I thought I had learned to discern the red flags better. Reading the "post Charismatic " thread reassures me- that I am not alone and neither are you.
I do believe there are "safe" pastors and churches out there- despite my experience.

I am sorry for it though. It was wrong and not normal Christianity.

 

[Vostro Znajomy]

Hi psalm232, where can the post Charismatic thread be found?

 

[psalm232]

Here ya go:

http://www.christianforums.com/t7260605/

It's in the section - Charismatic- Non word of faith

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Hello Everyone,
I'm new here. My question for everyone is-have you ever had an abusive Pastor in your church? And if so what did you do about it?

I've attended many different churches in my life. It was only recently that I became aware of such things as spiritual abuse or cult-like behavior in churches.

Although this experience has not affected my faith, it has left me with a feeling of apprehension about attending any future churches.

I made a short youtube video about it entitled Bullied By My Pastor. The address is (the sad smilie is not included in the address)-

Bullied By My Pastor - YouTube

sorry to hear this happened to u

I had neg exp too

 

[Vostro Znajomy]

Thanks psalm.
Thanks traveler, do you want to write more about what happened to you? If not that's ok. Some things we really don't want to remember.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Hello Everyone,
I'm new here. My question for everyone is-have you ever had an abusive Pastor in your church? And if so what did you do about it?

I've attended many different churches in my life. It was only recently that I became aware of such things as spiritual abuse or cult-like behavior in churches.

Although this experience has not affected my faith, it has left me with a feeling of apprehension about attending any future churches.

I made a short youtube video about it entitled Bullied By My Pastor. The address is (the sad smilie is not included in the address)-

http://youtu.be/O5_5Zow_6lk

the only way to effectively speak out against institutional abuse is to walk away

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Thanks psalm.
Thanks traveler, do you want to write more about what happened to you? If not that's ok. Some things we really don't want to remember.

I think I talked a little about it in this thread I have started

http://www.christianforums.com/t7716969/

I had many other experiences as well

one thing I have learnt the hard way is you need to stand up for yourself at ALL TIMES, if you expect people treat you fairly just because they are Christians, you will always be disappointed, because they WONT.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

the only way to effectively speak out against institutional abuse is to walk away

actually, the most effective to deal with a bully is to.. well, deal with him, hit him as hard as you can ( metaphorical speaking of course, don't want anyone on here get arrested for assault )

but honestly, the best way to deal with a bully is show him/her bullying is NOT OK.

in this case, the OP should report to the church management if he can, and if not, he should print what he put up on Youtube into leaflets and stand outside the car park of the church ( not on the property of course, don't want to give that pastor excuse) and pass out to all church goers of that church and let them decide, and bring a few back up with him too.

or simply put those leaflets on the windwipers if he wish.

but it is up to him what he want to do....

walking away from God is the stupidest thing one can do, because you are just forfeiting your own salvation....

it is like drinking anti freeze and take your own life and expect that to be some sort of standing to the bully?

 

[Gregory Thompson]

actually, the most effective to deal with a bully is to.. well, deal with him, hit him as hard as you can ( metaphorical speaking of course, don't want anyone on here get arrested for assault )

but honestly, the best way to deal with a bully is show him/her bullying is NOT OK.

in this case, the OP should report to the church management if he can, and if not, he should print what he put up on Youtube into leaflets and stand outside the car park of the church ( not on the property of course, don't want to give that pastor excuse) and pass out to all church goers of that church and let them decide, and bring a few back up with him too.

or simply put those leaflets on the windwipers if he wish.

but it is up to him what he want to do....

walking away from God is the stupidest thing one can do, because you are just forfeiting your own salvation....

it is like drinking anti freeze and take your own life and expect that to be some sort of standing to the bully?

It's not walking away from God . it's walking away from hypocrites that aren't representing God very well . if everyone walks away from a bully pastor . this pastor will need to get a new job . it's quite effective actually .

 

[Gregory Thompson]

abusive pastors tend to use a manipulative reconciliation meeting with a witness making it about you forgiving them but nothing about them needing to change . if an abusive person is in a place of leadership like that it is probable the whole church is infected . going to the church office could lead to unnecessary spiritual warfare when you come in a spirit of vulnerability . turn the other cheek and don't look back . let God take care of it . i've seen over time . he really does .