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"...Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit." Mark 13:11b
A Voice in the Darkness
James had asked me to stay awake, his girlfriend was supposed to call in a few minutes and he was going to take a walk. He had said that when she called that I should check and if he was not in his room he wanted me to read her a note. He told me he loved me and left, a few minutes later I heard the a single shot in the night. A moment or so later the phone rang, it was his girlfriend. I told her I would check and if he was not home I would read her a note he left. I opened his bedroom door, there were two notes, one to her and one to me. I began reading her a beautiful poem he had written to her, at the same time I looked at the note he had left me. "Mom, if you read this..." it was a suicide note. There is nothing greater than that pain. I told her to call back in 10-15 minutes, and hung up. I yelled for my husband to call 9-1-1, that James had shot himself. I knew it was true. As I ran down the driveway I screamed "Why?"as I screamed I heard the most comforting voice I have ever heard, I stopped for a moment in my tracks and I heard "No recriminations, just tell him of your unconditional love and the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF THE FATHER." Of course, I continued to run to where I saw my son, I had found him quickly, he was still alive. I held him, and told him of my love and of the Father's love, who would say "I love you James, Welcome Home." It took a while for the police and ambulance to get here, during that time I talked to him of all my love (which pales by comparison) and of the love of Our Heavenly Father. At some point it was necessary for me to give him CPR, how or why I was able to do this I am not sure, but I told him to hang in there, as he was an organ donor. Finally the police and ambulances got there, and the Paramedics were able to transport him. I kissed him one last time and told him "I love you," and watched as they took him to the hospital. After some questioning, the police told me I could go to the hospital. On my way there I prayed, and talked with the Lord. I knew that his physical body could not hold on very long, I hoped I would make before he died. As I talked with God, a scripture from my childhood came back to me. It assured me that James would be with the Gracious Heavenly Father.
"I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." John 10:28-30
Joyce DeMonbrun Sanbowers
This was originally written for a Lenten devotional at my church, I share it willingly with you all.
(I am adding this part now: God answers prayers, The first two times James left the house that night I prayed: Lord bring James home safely, within 10 minutes he was home, the Third time I prayed I said: Lord Give him peace. It is not the answer I wanted but James has Peace and I AM at peace as well. It doesn't mean I did not or do not grieve for the loss of my son, I DO. I just mean that it is that My son is with the LORD so I am at peace)
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"...Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit." Mark 13:11b
A Voice in the Darkness
James had asked me to stay awake, his girlfriend was supposed to call in a few minutes and he was going to take a walk. He had said that when she called that I should check and if he was not in his room he wanted me to read her a note. He told me he loved me and left, a few minutes later I heard the a single shot in the night. A moment or so later the phone rang, it was his girlfriend. I told her I would check and if he was not home I would read her a note he left. I opened his bedroom door, there were two notes, one to her and one to me. I began reading her a beautiful poem he had written to her, at the same time I looked at the note he had left me. "Mom, if you read this..." it was a suicide note. There is nothing greater than that pain. I told her to call back in 10-15 minutes, and hung up. I yelled for my husband to call 9-1-1, that James had shot himself. I knew it was true. As I ran down the driveway I screamed "Why?"as I screamed I heard the most comforting voice I have ever heard, I stopped for a moment in my tracks and I heard "No recriminations, just tell him of your unconditional love and the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OF THE FATHER." Of course, I continued to run to where I saw my son, I had found him quickly, he was still alive. I held him, and told him of my love and of the Father's love, who would say "I love you James, Welcome Home." It took a while for the police and ambulance to get here, during that time I talked to him of all my love (which pales by comparison) and of the love of Our Heavenly Father. At some point it was necessary for me to give him CPR, how or why I was able to do this I am not sure, but I told him to hang in there, as he was an organ donor. Finally the police and ambulances got there, and the Paramedics were able to transport him. I kissed him one last time and told him "I love you," and watched as they took him to the hospital. After some questioning, the police told me I could go to the hospital. On my way there I prayed, and talked with the Lord. I knew that his physical body could not hold on very long, I hoped I would make before he died. As I talked with God, a scripture from my childhood came back to me. It assured me that James would be with the Gracious Heavenly Father.
"I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." John 10:28-30
Joyce DeMonbrun Sanbowers
This was originally written for a Lenten devotional at my church, I share it willingly with you all.
(I am adding this part now: God answers prayers, The first two times James left the house that night I prayed: Lord bring James home safely, within 10 minutes he was home, the Third time I prayed I said: Lord Give him peace. It is not the answer I wanted but James has Peace and I AM at peace as well. It doesn't mean I did not or do not grieve for the loss of my son, I DO. I just mean that it is that My son is with the LORD so I am at peace)
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