A Sin to break up?

[trident343]

Perhaps this post belongs with the youth-courting threads but I wanted opinions from people who have experiences with long-term relationships.

I have been dating the same girl for two years and want to break up. I do love here dearly but I think I would be happier with somebody I have more in common with. Also I feel I would rather be with somebody more responsible and mature.

The real problem that bothers me though is if I had actually married her, these arguements clearly would not be valid(Till death do us part)

Is there a point in a non-marriage relationship where leaving is a sin? After Sexual Involvement? After Living together? After having Children?

 

[Warrior Poet]

Well the beauty of the situation is you are not married.. and a break up is a break up. Better to have your thoughts in order now...as you seem to.. then later after the marriage.
There is no crime in calling it quits... usually just some pain.

Warrior Poet

 

[heartnsoul]

If you're not married and don't have children, then feel free to break up if she is not compatible with you. Like Warrior Poet said, it's best to break up now before you end up marrying and regret it later. Now if there are children involved, then it gets more complicated. Hopefully in your situation you do not have any children with her so you can make a clean break.

My only other advice to you is take your time in relationships. Take the time to know someone *well* and make sure that she shares the same values as you do. That will help eliminate a lot of problems down the road. But keep in mind that no marriage is 100% problem-free. All marriages require hard work and sometimes compromises need to be made. The two become *one* so to speak...or in other words, the two I's become *WE*.

Good luck in your dating and sorry to hear your current girlfriend isn't the right one. Keep the faith and know that you'll meet the right one someday.

 

[Southern Cross]

That's why you date. To find out if you want to be with that person until your dying day. If it's not working for you, it's better to break it off. In today's day and age of disposable relationships, it's hard enough to keep a marriage together when you think you married the right person. What happens if you feel this way now and still marry her?

As long as the wedding hasn't taken place, I think you're ok to break it off. Sex can create some awfully strong bonds, so if you've been involved in that manner, you may want to seek counseling to help both during and after the breakup. If there are children involved, man, that's a tough one, I'm not sure what I'd do so I'm not going to comment. That might be just as damaging to them (and you) as a divorce.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

I do not see where it would be a sin to break up with someone you are dating. That, to me, is the whole point of dating...trying to find out how compatible the two of you are *before* you make that commitment to marriage. If you're sure this girl isn't the right one for you, then it may be difficult (and certainly something you can/should pray about), but you should follow your heart now, before you go any further. Trust me, it's easier to get out now then to have major problems later on down the road and being married. Sounds like this is one area where you need to seek God's wisdom and then follow through with it.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

When you enter into a marriage with someone, it is a legal and holy covenant. When you're in a relationship there is no bond there in God's eyes. If you have doubts, it's better to end the relationship now. That's the smart thing to do. The reason there is such a high divorce rate is largely due to people who see the signs whilst dating, but choose to ignore them. Then they get married and they are really suffering over their decision.

Love is a choice. If it doesn't feel right then break it off.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well, are you saying that you have a sexual relationship, live together, and have kids?

If this is the case, then don't rag on her for not being mature enough. You didn't marry this girl because you aren't grown up enough to make that committment. You only wanted the benefits of a girl to bang. Now that you've gotten in too deep you want to run, because you think you can since you didn't put that ring on her finger.

Please tell me that this is not the case.

 

[Avaya]

My only other advice to you is take your time in relationships. Take the time to know someone *well* and make sure that she shares the same values as you do.

Also, remember that a sexual relationship is NOT how you 'get to know someone well'. People think they need to make sure they are sexually compatible. But if you do things by God's book, boy oh boy is He gonna bless you in the bedroom, so don't worry!

 

[Yitzchak]

It is not a sin to break up. You may have made mistakes though before this in leading her on. Certain things such as sleeping together do send the message of a deeper commitment and make a break up more painful and feel like more of a betrayel. People invest emotionally in a relationship according to how serious they think the relationship is. In cases where you raised false hopes, the part of breaking up is not wrong but the part of raising false hopes is the wrong.

If the person that you break up with reacts badly, it is possible that they are not reacting to the breaking up itself. They may be reacting to feeling used and betrayed by making an emotional investment in a relationship. Just because it is not a marriage does not mean people don't invest in it emotionally. No break up is easy and just because mistakes may have been made in leading a person on does not obligate you to marry them. But it is important to recognise if that has occured and not expect the person not to be hurt.

 

[Jennifer615]

It is better to break up a relationship than to break up a marriage! (She may divorce if you don't)

It may break her heart, but she will get over it. You will give her the chance to meet a man who truly loves her for who she is, maybe in a few years when she has matured.

 

[Mikhail]

Well the beauty of the situation is you are not married.. and a break up is a break up. Better to have your thoughts in order now...as you seem to.. then later after the marriage.
There is no crime in calling it quits... usually just some pain.

Warrior Poet

If you are not married?
Do you mean that if the Government says you are married then you are?

God is the witness to the marriage covenant as he is the only one who witness' the consumation of it, saved or not if you start living together as a couple then I you are as good as married the scripture does not have defacto. The State says you are divorced whther one part likes it or not. In most western countries the governement sanctioned marriage acts are a fairly recent thing.

There are some who are not married by Government regulation but have taken their vows before God and Witness' are they less married.

If Christians stopped asking for the State to add man's layer of authority over the Marriage then the state would not be able to Divorce them as the State has only authority over it's own Jurisdiction, you signed their marriage certificate voluntary nobody forced you to do it. Just that nobody told you that you did not have to do it.

What the Government giveth the Government can taketh away, whether you like it or not.
Mikhail

 

[Warrior Poet]

If you are not married?
Do you mean that if the Government says you are married then you are?

Look friend... I was beat over the head in the marriage forum for supporting the notion that you are about to present. They put tons of emphasis on it solidifying the union. I understood their point, it was the general recognition the state brings to the marriage not the validity. I can do my vows in my room with my "wife" in front of God... but that begs the question "Why am I keeping it a secret?"
Well he is the only one that matters... tell you what though BRO... if the government wants to take "advantage" of a situation so will I ... I am in for the tax break too.
Word.

God is the witness to the marriage covenant as he is the only one who witness' the consumation of it, saved or not if you start living together as a couple then I you are as good as married the scripture does not have defacto.

I wonder why then a certificate of divorce was given in the OT. Some form of government was in place then, it speaks of God allowing this. So even then it was part of what "IT" was. Though once again I agree with the notion you are presenting. Living together as a couple? You obviously mean sexually...unless you mean "common law"... but where I am from, christians will love this, homosexuals get that same "common law" rights...Thanks Bush. You will have to show me where living together makes you man and wife, I can wrap my mind around the sex thing biblically, but in that i case I am married to more women then I can count.

The State says you are divorced whther one part likes it or not. In most western countries the governement sanctioned marriage acts are a fairly recent thing.

Come one dude... use your theory now... if a person wants a divorce your way.. all they do is leave, its even easier, wether you and I want to agree or not the piece of paper can save a marriage as well. It is a process to get divorced, by the state through the state. Your way I get to up and leave, no paper work no cooling period. There is pro's and cons here man weigh them both out.

So do you also tell the state to shove it when the issue a divorce? Only God can end that as well.
On that note do me a favor and start a thread telling all the people in this forum there pain is a sham, cause its just a stupid piece of paper, and a stupid government and that means nothing. If you throw the humanistic part of this out the window you are negating what Jesus was.. man and God he took both roles for a reason.

There are some who are not married by Government regulation but have taken their vows before God and Witness' are they less married.

Are they more married????
If you say no then this whole conversation is pointless.

If Christians stopped asking for the State to add man's layer of authority over the Marriage then the state would not be able to Divorce them as the State has only authority over it's own Jurisdiction, you signed their marriage certificate voluntary nobody forced you to do it. Just that nobody told you that you did not have to do it.

LOL.. well I live in "their" country and submit to their authority... so I am in their jurisdiction no matter how you look at it.

So sense no one forced me I can and will take it personally that you called mine and others choice to get married in a certain way, pretty much a waste. I could see how that could be offensive to some, dont forget once again most people don't sign a paper and walk away vows are exchanged, even more so when married through the church.

What the Government giveth the Government can taketh away, whether you like it or not.
Mikhail

And what is Ceasers give to Ceaser wether you like it or not.