A setback

[ladybuelah]

Not sure if this is the right place, but given that it is to do with sexual abuse I think it might be.

Anyway as a result of being sexually abused I felt damaged and made a fair few mistakes last year even though my hearts desire has always been for purity. This year, I made a promise to myself never to make those mistakes again and only to date a Christian if it naturally happened but I wouldn't go looking for it. Well it did happen, I started seeing a really strong Christian guy from church and everything was fine until one day he sent me a message saying that no Christian guy will ever see me as pure because of the fact I have been sexually abused and that all Christian men want to be with virgins so I should forget the idea of ever having a pure relationship with a Christian because it's not going to happen, no guy is ever going to see me as pure. Of course we broke up, and this broke me.

It took me ages to get over the abuse I encounted and when I finally did I started to see myself as redeemed because I never have done anything I have been involved in of a sexual nature was either pressured when I was vunrable from the abuse or forced. The relationship ended a month ago, but the pain and scars of his words have really sunk in deep.

I feel aweful and kind of like what's the point in purity when I'm not and Christian guys are now unattainable to me. Don't get me wrong, I never go looking for love and my focus in life is on my faith, family, friends and career but I just can't get those words out of my head and I just need to know. Is he right?

 

[joey_downunder]

A CHRISTIAN guy said that to you?!!!! :o No true genuine christian man who has the love of God in his heart could possibly say something like that KNOWING what you have experienced.

That is one of the most unkind things anyone could say to you. The only good thing that has come out of what he said is that he revealed himself for the nasty vindictive sod he really is.

Please don't make the mistake of writing all christian men off because such a mean "christian in name only" man said such an awful thing. A true christian man who loves you will accept you for what you are. Everyone of us has our own baggage and issues. Don't you dare accept those kinds of words as truth OK?

God loves you! You are God's favorite

 

[Darkhorse]

I'm a Christian guy. I've known many women who have suffered sexual abuse, including rape. Your purity - or lack of it - is determined by your own heart, NOT by what others do to you, especially without your consent. Whatever the nature of your abuse, God knows the state of your heart, and the depth of your pain, and cries with you.

The great majority of men instinctively protect women, and understand the difference between willing participation and abuse. Any man who has been made "a new creation" in Christ understands this even more clearly, and understands the destructive effects of evil in the world.

Any man with a true understanding of Christ's forgiveness would not consider you impure, since Jesus Himself declares all repentant sinners pure. And, since everyone has sinned, that means everyone has either been declared pure, or is still in need of repentance and forgiveness.

On a personal level, my wife was not a virgin when I met her (nor was I). Our individual relationships with Christ grew along with our relationship with each other, and we are still very happy and growing after 20 wonderful years of marriage. The issues of our past relationships have never been a problem, undoubtedly because our present relationships with Christ - and each other - are so good.

So put this behind you and live like the cherished King's daughter that you are!

 

[Johnnz]

The Pharisees still exist it seems. What a terrible comment to make.

John
NZ

 

[LovedSparrow]

Ladybuelah,

Agreed with all the above comments. I'm sad that this guy said that to you. Do not believe it for a second. What he said was a total lie. The next time satan tries to attack you with that thought, say, "I am pure and spotless in the name of Jesus Christ." Try to not dwell on it, and take it out of mind right away.

I'm sorry, sister.

 

[ladybuelah]

Thank you all so much. I feel so much better about things and I will not take his words as truth. My commitment to purity is based on my love for Christ so I don't see how this should affect that. Thank you all for helping me see sense!

 

[paul1149]

Beulah,

Some day you will meet a man who cherishes you for who you are, not as a trophy to his self-righteousness like this person. It is worth it to keep yourself pure for both Christ and for the man who will love you. Cast off these hurtful lies and do not let them bother you. Unfortunately, this guy here will have to live with his miserable self, and will continue to hurt people until he wakes up.