A serious question

[JonMiller]

How in the world do adventists find SOs if they don't go to an adventist college or stay at the same church for 20 years?

In my late teens I stopped attending very regularly (a few times a year, most years) for about a decade, but started attending regularly again a year ago or so. I will say that I think my spiritual life has improved, so church attendance can be a good thing (I was sort of doubting it, it seemed like nothing special). I do admit that with some changes in my life choices (like giving tithe) that I am glad that I did not find anyone previously (honestly, most of the girls who I liked were atheists or nonreligious), however, I would like to get around to finding someone.

Honestly, I feel that Christian is really the only important thing, but there are definitely benefits to finding an adventist SO.

Many of the churchs I visited during the decade I spent with low church attendence had less than half a dozen people (not saying girls, saying people period) in my age range. I have no clue at all how anyone ever finds a SO in those sorts of places. Recently I have lived in a city, and while the churchs still have an average age in the 50s, there are enough people in them that I do see others of my age.

There still is an issue there though, in that everyone has there own lives (me also! there are things at church which I don't take part in because of having other commitments, or sometimes just being lazy), and I really don't know most people. I am not saying that I am just at church for socializing, I am there to praise God and to serve Him, the people who I do know are those with whom I have taken part in Christian service with. I guess where this is pertinant is that I haven't met any nice Christian girls while praising God or engaging in service. I know probably some of this is my problem because I can be shy, but it seems that there just aren't that many out there also.

I know this sounds a bit selfish, but I am a young man (Still). Also, recently several more of my college freinds are getting married...

BTW, I still do have many problems with adventism's legalism, hypocrisy, and deadness. I just decided to try and be part of the solution instead of part of the problem (by dropping out) and have definitely been blessed by it.

JM

 

[honorthesabbath]

Excuse my ignorance--but what is an Adventist SO?

Oh--and thanks for slamming my church that was really nice of you.

 

[JonMiller]

Hey, it is my church also. If you can't identify the problems, you can't work for the solution. One thing that is definitely true of every adventist church I have been to, is that things are hidden. I don't think that this is very conductive to a healthy church body.

I probably wouldn't include that, but I read a whole lot of threads (Insomnia) and felt I should make my position.

Adventist SO = Adventist Significant Other. In my case, a wife.

JM

 

[Ptilinopus]

Hi mjona,

I guess I'm one of the older ones (doesn't feel like it from my perspective, but the figures are there!!). I really appreciate your approach to be part of the solution. To be sure, there are many problems still in the church. I am a minister now (in my 5th year - a late starter!), and I see many of the problems you refer to, especially in rural areas (where I work at present). And I don't have answers either. But the Lord does; may I encourage you to stay close to Him, and be alert to His leading?

I don't know your situation, not even the country you are in, and would in any case hesitate to try to be too specific. But one doesn't have to attend an Adventist college to get acquainted with young people there. In my experience one is usually welcome to attend church and at least some of the activities there, even as a non-student. The same applies to Adventist hospitals... and one can often meet a variety of Adventist young people at such places. Of course, you may not be geographically near such an institution.

But above all, in the search for an SO - and remembering back to my own youth, and others I have known - if one desires a happy, and God-blessed marriage, there is no substitute for prayer and faith that the Lord will lead you to the right one. And old-fashioned as it may sound, knowing your own principles, and seeking one who shares them.

God bless you!

 

[woobadooba]

As for finding a significant other, have you tried some of the online SDA dating sites?

As for being shy, when you see someone you like, and know to be single, just get the courage up and say, "Would you like to go out for a pizza?" It's really not that hard.

As for this statement that you made:

BTW, I still do have many problems with adventism's legalism, hypocrisy, and deadness. I just decided to try and be part of the solution instead of part of the problem (by dropping out) and have definitely been blessed by it.

You will find this kind of stuff in every denomination. At the same time you will find a lot of people in the SDA church that are well grounded in the truth, and have the love of Christ in their hearts.

In short, you will find what you are looking for...

 

[Jimlarmore]

Along with the internet SDA singles you can check out I would recommend you pray about it. The Lord knows you need a woman and He knows your situation. If you ask Him to guide you in the way you need to go in this situation He will, I promise you that.

God Bless you brother and thanks for staying in the family instead of leaving.

Jim Larmore

 

[Adventist Dissident]

How in the world do adventists find SOs if they don't go to an adventist college or stay at the same church for 20 years?

In my late teens I stopped attending very regularly (a few times a year, most years) for about a decade, but started attending regularly again a year ago or so. I will say that I think my spiritual life has improved, so church attendance can be a good thing (I was sort of doubting it, it seemed like nothing special). I do admit that with some changes in my life choices (like giving tithe) that I am glad that I did not find anyone previously (honestly, most of the girls who I liked were atheists or nonreligious), however, I would like to get around to finding someone.

Honestly, I feel that Christian is really the only important thing, but there are definitely benefits to finding an adventist SO.

Many of the churchs I visited during the decade I spent with low church attendence had less than half a dozen people (not saying girls, saying people period) in my age range. I have no clue at all how anyone ever finds a SO in those sorts of places. Recently I have lived in a city, and while the churchs still have an average age in the 50s, there are enough people in them that I do see others of my age.

There still is an issue there though, in that everyone has there own lives (me also! there are things at church which I don't take part in because of having other commitments, or sometimes just being lazy), and I really don't know most people. I am not saying that I am just at church for socializing, I am there to praise God and to serve Him, the people who I do know are those with whom I have taken part in Christian service with. I guess where this is pertinant is that I haven't met any nice Christian girls while praising God or engaging in service. I know probably some of this is my problem because I can be shy, but it seems that there just aren't that many out there also.

I know this sounds a bit selfish, but I am a young man (Still). Also, recently several more of my college freinds are getting married...

BTW, I still do have many problems with adventism's legalism, hypocrisy, and deadness. I just decided to try and be part of the solution instead of part of the problem (by dropping out) and have definitely been blessed by it.

JM

thanks for the reality check. I am sorry for your trouble. I think the church needs your perspective

 

[TrustAndObey]

Mjona, you know what? Love comes to you when you least expect it. In fact, it usually hits you like a brick wall when you don't have time for it or when you've sworn off ever finding anybody worth your time! HA!

Seriously, the times when we AREN'T looking for love are usually when someone falls in our paths.

You're at that age where everyone is getting married and you feel lonely, etc. Just wait 3 years and they'll all be getting divorced and you'll be the smart one.

Just kidding.

Pray about it. Pray that you don't get to a place where a not-so-perfect relationship SEEMS perfect just because you don't want to be alone. Pray for TRUE love that lasts 'til the end.

I'll send up some prayers for you too.

You never know, the perfect girl may be at your church next Sabbath....or the next. If that's what God wants, that's what will happen.

 

[JonMiller]

I know I am mostly frustrated because I haven't found a girl at church recently (or ever, to be honest) that I wanted to ask out.

I am a firm beleiver that God doesn't (generally) just drop things in our laps. We are the actors that He uses. It would be like saying "God will provide" and so we don't get out of bed or go to the kitchen. Sure, He can provide food in our bed for us to eat every day with no effort of our own, but that isn't His plan.

As far as it goes, the issue is one of precentages... and in the adventist church there are very few people between the ages of 20-40, at least in the churchs I have been to. This seems to be a general issue, at least in churchs in North America (excluding some exceptions and the ones at colleges/etc).

JM

 

[Loveaboveall]

I have a friend who strayed from the church in his late teens and early twenties and met a girl at a public universtiy who did not even know who Jesus was. She got to know my friend and a few of my other friends who were non practicing adventists and she started asking them questions. She became interested and to make a long story short she brought my friend back to the church!

Sometimes you just have to trust that God is in control and no matter if a girl you meet is an adventist or not trust that God will lead a woman that is open to His leading and He will take care of the rest.