For the last couple of years I've been working on a novel, and as I near completion, the what if's and doubts are creeping in. Here is a small snippet of one chapter from it, and I would love some feedback. I'd hate to think I wasted 2+ years of my life, but better to find out now than to be shot down after its completed. Enjoy!
It had seemed they'd been walking for days. Kilgore teaching Kilarc as they walked, about the queen of the hells. "Remember this always. She is powerful in ways you cannot imagine, but is trapped where she is. Her power prevents her from leaving the lowest pit of the hells, weighs her down like an anchor. However, the instant you underestimate her speed inside her pit, she will destroy you utterly." He glanced over at the once human Kilarc who was listening with rapt attention. Most of his former human body remained, save for the plates on his back, and the talons on his hands. It had gotten steadily darker as they approached the deepest pit of the hells. The heat could've melted iron, and even with Kilgore's ability to see in the dark, he was having a hard time seeing anything. It was always like this, the mother demon's power simply devoured light. Replaced it with a slimy blackness that could not be penetrated.
"What is this I'm feeling now?" Kilarc asked. "It's like insects crawling under my flesh!"
"We are approaching her lair. What you feel is the power she exudes. It radiates from her like the sun. Hers even dwarfs my power. She will try to probe your mind. Do not fight it, it will kill you. However, I think you've retained enough of your humanity that she will not be able to do so with any real success." Kilarc spit at the mention of his human half.
They reached the top of a pit. Though hard to see it appeared to be roughly square, and about five or six strides wide. After only two or three hand down, all was lost to blackness. The blackness moved and writhed like a living creature, and curled around Kilarc's ankles. To the left, a set of rough hewn stairs, carved from the rock itself, descended into that blackness.
"She resides down there." Kilgore intoned. It sounded almost like a pronouncement of a death sentence to Kilarc. Kilgore turned to leave.
"You would leave me to face her alone?" Kilarc asked over his shoulder. A small smirk lifting the corner of his mouth.
"What's wrong human? Can't handle a woman on your own? Do you need me to hold your hand?" Kilgore carried a similar smirk.
"Of course not, I just thought you'd like to be here when I came back up with her head!" Without another word, Kilarc leapt into the pit, and disappeared into the inky blackness.
Kilgore stepped over to a small ledge jutting from the stone wall. Ponderer's Edge they'd named it. It gave them one last chance to ponder their decision to enter the mothers pit or not. All did eventually, but it was nice to pretend one had a choice before ones execution. "You just might do it. You just might be the one to make me king of the hells. And then, I will make you king of the world...son."
Now, I do have a couple of publishers with a bit more of the book in their hands, but I haven't made any agreements yet. So I ask you to please be honest, and know that this is a very rough, first copy edition of the chapter. Thanks for any feedback!
It had seemed they'd been walking for days. Kilgore teaching Kilarc as they walked, about the queen of the hells. "Remember this always. She is powerful in ways you cannot imagine, but is trapped where she is. Her power prevents her from leaving the lowest pit of the hells, weighs her down like an anchor. However, the instant you underestimate her speed inside her pit, she will destroy you utterly." He glanced over at the once human Kilarc who was listening with rapt attention. Most of his former human body remained, save for the plates on his back, and the talons on his hands. It had gotten steadily darker as they approached the deepest pit of the hells. The heat could've melted iron, and even with Kilgore's ability to see in the dark, he was having a hard time seeing anything. It was always like this, the mother demon's power simply devoured light. Replaced it with a slimy blackness that could not be penetrated.
"What is this I'm feeling now?" Kilarc asked. "It's like insects crawling under my flesh!"
"We are approaching her lair. What you feel is the power she exudes. It radiates from her like the sun. Hers even dwarfs my power. She will try to probe your mind. Do not fight it, it will kill you. However, I think you've retained enough of your humanity that she will not be able to do so with any real success." Kilarc spit at the mention of his human half.
They reached the top of a pit. Though hard to see it appeared to be roughly square, and about five or six strides wide. After only two or three hand down, all was lost to blackness. The blackness moved and writhed like a living creature, and curled around Kilarc's ankles. To the left, a set of rough hewn stairs, carved from the rock itself, descended into that blackness.
"She resides down there." Kilgore intoned. It sounded almost like a pronouncement of a death sentence to Kilarc. Kilgore turned to leave.
"You would leave me to face her alone?" Kilarc asked over his shoulder. A small smirk lifting the corner of his mouth.
"What's wrong human? Can't handle a woman on your own? Do you need me to hold your hand?" Kilgore carried a similar smirk.
"Of course not, I just thought you'd like to be here when I came back up with her head!" Without another word, Kilarc leapt into the pit, and disappeared into the inky blackness.
Kilgore stepped over to a small ledge jutting from the stone wall. Ponderer's Edge they'd named it. It gave them one last chance to ponder their decision to enter the mothers pit or not. All did eventually, but it was nice to pretend one had a choice before ones execution. "You just might do it. You just might be the one to make me king of the hells. And then, I will make you king of the world...son."
Now, I do have a couple of publishers with a bit more of the book in their hands, but I haven't made any agreements yet. So I ask you to please be honest, and know that this is a very rough, first copy edition of the chapter. Thanks for any feedback!
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thanks for the advice! That's a good idea! Oh, and I appreciate the feedback!
