As most people said out there, yes, I do have an elephant brain and I remember events that happened in my life clearly, events that changes my views towards life which changes my life as a result. Im the type of person whom is driven a lot by peoples comments about me and take negative comments seriously.
After I came back from Australia, my life began to change slowly as I begin to lost fellowship with non-Christians and never bother to read my Bible nor praying. I began to look at the worldly things and hunger for the things in the world, enduring into the beauty of sins. It took me a long time before I start attending church again mid 2002 by hoping around Penang, looking for a suitable church to attend. At that point of time, I wanted to clean myself and seeking help. Somehow, I started attending Trinity Methodist Church, Penang because I felt the warmth there.
One Sunday in 2002, I remember clearly that just before Pastor began his sermon, he said that there is someone in the congregation whom is very troubled and lost. God wanted this person to seek Him and know that He is there all this time. It surprised me that God remembers a filthy girl whom is full of sins and dirt of the world. I may have heard it wrongly or my mind is playing tricks, I thought.
Right after the sermon ended, the Pastor repeated the statements once again and this time, he asked this person to see him. I was very, very hesitated even though I had been searching for help at that moment, and am seeking help from the people I know rather than God. I sat at the pew for some time to find enough courage to walk over because I heard that this Pastor is very fierce. I dont know where the courage came by that I walked over to the Pastor. Ive got myself into a very big mess and life seems to be so meaningless. The Pastor gave me some advices as to what shouldnt I be doing in order to get myself out of the troubles but, the stubborn Vivienne didnt take the advice at all.
Every Sundays I go to church with my physical body there but my mind wanders all over and other activities became my priority. I do not see God as something important and someone whom I should turn to. My life became much messier and I became totally lost in the big jungle out there. I do know God anymore and I dont feel His presence. Deep within me, a voice kept telling me my mistakes but I still want to dwell into them. One fine day, two days before I began serving at church as a scripture reader, everything came to an end to my surprise I lost a relationship with a boy whom I had placed higher than the Lord.
I became so depressed thinking that Ive lost everything in my life and life became so empty without God in me. Suicide often came to my mind that I began evaluating myself as to how my life ought to be. August 17 2003 changed my point of view towards life again and God showed me that He is in control of everything. Three weeks later, the death of a 14-year-old boy at the St. Josephs Orphanage Home made me realized that life is not about me and me alone.
Re-establishing my life with God changed me into a new person. I became a member of the church on 25 December 2003 and this Christmas marks a year anniversary for me. Most of all, I want to thank God for showing me that He had never leave me nor forsake me. He had been there all these while for me. I have found hope in life though I still do wonder why I am still alive today. As the song in David Meece said that we are the reason that Jesus gave His life to suffer and die on the cross so that He could give us the reason to live.
After I came back from Australia, my life began to change slowly as I begin to lost fellowship with non-Christians and never bother to read my Bible nor praying. I began to look at the worldly things and hunger for the things in the world, enduring into the beauty of sins. It took me a long time before I start attending church again mid 2002 by hoping around Penang, looking for a suitable church to attend. At that point of time, I wanted to clean myself and seeking help. Somehow, I started attending Trinity Methodist Church, Penang because I felt the warmth there.
One Sunday in 2002, I remember clearly that just before Pastor began his sermon, he said that there is someone in the congregation whom is very troubled and lost. God wanted this person to seek Him and know that He is there all this time. It surprised me that God remembers a filthy girl whom is full of sins and dirt of the world. I may have heard it wrongly or my mind is playing tricks, I thought.
Right after the sermon ended, the Pastor repeated the statements once again and this time, he asked this person to see him. I was very, very hesitated even though I had been searching for help at that moment, and am seeking help from the people I know rather than God. I sat at the pew for some time to find enough courage to walk over because I heard that this Pastor is very fierce. I dont know where the courage came by that I walked over to the Pastor. Ive got myself into a very big mess and life seems to be so meaningless. The Pastor gave me some advices as to what shouldnt I be doing in order to get myself out of the troubles but, the stubborn Vivienne didnt take the advice at all.
Every Sundays I go to church with my physical body there but my mind wanders all over and other activities became my priority. I do not see God as something important and someone whom I should turn to. My life became much messier and I became totally lost in the big jungle out there. I do know God anymore and I dont feel His presence. Deep within me, a voice kept telling me my mistakes but I still want to dwell into them. One fine day, two days before I began serving at church as a scripture reader, everything came to an end to my surprise I lost a relationship with a boy whom I had placed higher than the Lord.
I became so depressed thinking that Ive lost everything in my life and life became so empty without God in me. Suicide often came to my mind that I began evaluating myself as to how my life ought to be. August 17 2003 changed my point of view towards life again and God showed me that He is in control of everything. Three weeks later, the death of a 14-year-old boy at the St. Josephs Orphanage Home made me realized that life is not about me and me alone.
Re-establishing my life with God changed me into a new person. I became a member of the church on 25 December 2003 and this Christmas marks a year anniversary for me. Most of all, I want to thank God for showing me that He had never leave me nor forsake me. He had been there all these while for me. I have found hope in life though I still do wonder why I am still alive today. As the song in David Meece said that we are the reason that Jesus gave His life to suffer and die on the cross so that He could give us the reason to live.
And we were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
