A really cool light bulb moment

[nowhereville]

I have the best news. (I know if a NOT abuse survivor reads this they will be like DUH!) but it's so awesome.

I was emailing my counselor and explaining what I meant when I said I didn't want to talk to him (I meant in person but that he could respond via email).

He wrote back that it wasn't his business to press if I said I didn't want to talk about it and he said something else that escapes me. Now I see this person as an authority figure, so you can imagine.

That really stuck in my head.

Then after awhile I was like OH MY GOSH - I can do anything I want because it's ALL my CHOICE. I can do or NOT do anything at all.

I was so excited.

Now, I am just trying not to be a totally rebellious brat about it - but I see it is within my control Hooray!

 

[TCat]

Don't you love those a-ha moments. I do understand what you mean about those who have not been down "the path" not gettin how amazing it is to suddenly understand something about life and self.

Good for you, it is terrific when we see evidence of our own healing, like, maybe we won't always be in the same struggle and painful place we are at now...

Way to go!

 

[IndomitableAmy]

Good for you.

Do I get to be jealous of your full sentence "ah-ha"? My "ah-ha" moments have yet to be grammatical.

Really, good for you. That's something important to know.

 

[FaithfulWife]

nowhereville!

I totally relate. I remember the day I realized I could actually say "no. Prior to that day it had not occurred to me that I could tell my abuser "no" as in "No, in fact I do not like that or want it" or "No you may not do that to me."

We had been talking about boundaries and I TOTALLY did not get them. What do you mean? Boundaries? And then I GOT IT! It's when I can say "no"!!

Congrats on your lightbulb moment! I'm so happy for you!!


~Faithful

 

[nowhereville]

It is the most amazing thing

I guess we could focus on the "duh-ness" of it - but then we were robbed weren't we - so how could we know?

 

[IndomitableAmy]

We couldn't know. But I wonder, does it seem like a veil has been lifted from your eyes and now you can see what people were talking about when they said things that presumed boundaries or control of your world? That's how it was for me with my "lightbulb moments". Before them, when people said anything that presumed it, they might as well have been speaking gobblety-[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth].

Maybe focus on having this element of control in your life? Your hands are on the steering wheel now. You get to drive. Nobody else.

 

[nowhereville]

Well sort of.

My spouse is VERY manipulative and now I am trying to deal with that - it's so hard as he just tries to wear me down and wear me down and wear me down.

Last night I stood firm and he went on and on (at least was in a quiet way) for about three hours.

<sigh>

Who knew you could go through so many changes from week to week?

 

[MrsSeptemberPenguin]

Awesome

 

[FaithfulWife]

Okay survivor "sistahs"--if you promise not to laugh at me TOO loud (you may giggle a little though) let me tell you what happened to me with my "lightbulb moment."

Prior to realizing that I made choices about me, I don't know how to say this other than to say that I thought life happened to me. Others sort of "made" me do things in order to be loved, or be fed, or avoid punishment (either physical or emotional). It just did not occur to me that I could decide and I was in control.

So... enter the "lightbulb moment."

From that moment forward I was SO EXCITED that I swung the absolute opposite way. I was in control of EVERYTHING! I made choices about EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE, EVERYBODY.... Not that I became a manipulative controller type but more like I just got high off making choices and so was so very conscious about it that I was freaking out! The pendulum had been way over to one way--now it swung to way over the other way!

Oh, I love me. It's alright. I had to practice MAKING some choices in order to find the balance. It was fun!


~Faithful

 

[nowhereville]

I feel the swing coming - it's kind of scarey actually because if I had a good thing standing in front of me to choose and it was waving a flag, I probably wouldn't see it LOL.

This is all VERY unnerving in some ways - good but difficult I guess is the best description I can think of.