A question to all husbands - please help!

farout · May 20, 2016

draugr said:
Dear husbands,

I am struggling with a decision to make and I thought maybe if you could share your experience that might be helpful. Here's the story:

I am 33 years old and I am thinking of starting dating and then maybe marrying a girl I know. We like each other and there is a good intellectual and spiritual connection between us. However, I have a "physical" dilemma. As I decided to wait with having sex till marriage (and so far managed to), I am very excited by the fact that when I marry, I could finally start my sexual life and I am really looking forward to the pleasures it offers. Though I sticked to Christian life since my childhood, having grown up in a world that made sexual activity a god, I kind of soaked up with all this sexual hype. And thus I have really big expectations, perhaps too big... So here's my dilemma: the girl I mentioned is 34 years old. While I find her physically attractive now, I wonder if this will still be true in 5 years, because of aging of her body. Men are known to stay sexually fit at least till their 50-60's and so I am afraid that after a few years I would not find her physically attractive and it will be difficult for me to have sex with her. I am just worrying, that I end up as a frustrated husband which wouldn’t be good for her and for me.

So my questions to all you husbands are: how important for you, men, is sex in marriage? Is it of key importance? Has it the ‘power’ to outweigh the other aspects of marriage? What is your experience? Maybe I am just exaggerating the importance of it and/or having too big expectations?

I know all this may seem funny for you, but for me it's important, before I make a decision to start serious dating. Otherwise maybe I'll just look for a younger wife...

I would appreciate honest replies.
Thank you.

I would be more concerned that you will age far more quickly that she will. We have been married almost 47 years, so I think I can give you MO. My wife is even more beautiful that when I first dated her. Beauty changes as you age. Cute at 20 is not the same at 71. Just for you info, married couple have sex way into they 80's if they are physically able.

You are too hyped up about sex, calm down or you will blow it big time. I suggest you get a book called Sacred marriage, and His needs, Her needs. This might give you some realistic ideas. Sex and pleasuring each other take time and lots of patients and loving practice. Sexual excitement does not at first mean she will climax, you both need to speak with honesty as to what you like and do not want. Slow down, and learn to love her.

Albion · May 20, 2016

farout said:
I would be more concerned that you will age far more quickly that she will.

Good point. I wasn't at all on board with the comment in the OP saying women lose their physical appeal sooner than men.

Si_monfaith · May 20, 2016

Mudinyeri said:
A. Because our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we're instructed to take care of it.

B. I don't know of any promise from God that fights aging.

Are you against eating healthfully and exercising? Do you feel it is a sin to keep yourself in good physical condition?

Is not our Lord not concerned about the body?
Does not His redemptive work on cross cater to the needs of our body?

Mudinyeri · May 20, 2016

Si_monfaith said:
Is not our Lord not concerned about the body?
Does not His redemptive work on cross cater to the needs of our body?

I paraphrased a passage (1 Corinthians 6:19) that suggests our Lord is concerned about the body. His redemptive work, however, is entirely about our soul and has nothing to do with our temporal body.

Dave-W · May 20, 2016

Mudinyeri said:
I paraphrased a passage (1 Corinthians 6:19) that suggests our Lord is concerned about the body. His redemptive work, however, is entirely about our soul and has nothing to do with our temporal body.

Typical cessationist position.

But that flies in the face of Isa 53.5 which is quoted in 1 Pet 2.24: "By His stripes we were healed." That is talking of the physical body. But the cessationist tries to keep it in the realm of the "soul" or "spirit," where it cannot be seen.

Mudinyeri · May 20, 2016

DaveW-Ohev said:
Typical cessationist position.

But that flies in the face of Isa 53.5 which is quoted in 1 Pet 2.24: "By His stripes we were healed." That is talking of the physical body. But the cessationist tries to keep it in the realm of the "soul" or "spirit," where it cannot be seen.

Well, I had to look up what a "cessationist" is so ... perhaps not a typical cessationist position. The word that you translated as "healed" is the word pesha which means transgression, rebellion or guilt so I don't see a physical healing as a part of that verse ... or the context.

Dave-W · May 20, 2016

Mudinyeri said:
I don't see a physical healing as a part of that verse ... or the context.

http://www.derekprince.org/Articles...ys/The_Divine_Exchange/Jesus_was_Wounded.aspx

Keep your finger in Isaiah 53 in case we need to go back there and turn to Matthew 8:16–17. Now this is the opening of the public ministry of Jesus. This is the first time he began to minister in public. It says when evening had come, because it was a Sabbath, and the Jews were not allowed to travel or to carry anything on the Sabbath. So they had to wait until the Sabbath was over to come to him and bring their sick.

“When evening had come, they brought to him many who were demon possessed; and he cast out the spirits with a word, and healed all who were sick.”

Notice how many he healed? [Congregation said all.] Are you sure of that? What did it say? [All.] Did it, really? Now, why did he do that? The next verse tells you.

“That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Isaiah the prophet saying, He himself took our infirmities and bore our sicknesses.”

What is he quoting? Isaiah 53:4. And notice that he uses two words for physical problems. Infirmities and sicknesses. If you were to distinguish between them I would say infirmities would be weaknesses, things that you’re liable to, like allergies, and sicknesses would be actual diseases like cholera or diphtheria or influenza, whatever it might be.

But, you see, Matthew says that the healing ministry of Jesus was the fulfillment of Isaiah 53:4–5. And he emphasizes that he healed every one. Why did he heal every one? Because he had taken or was going to take—but in the eternal counsel of God he had already taken—our sicknesses and borne our pains.

Si_monfaith · May 20, 2016

Mudinyeri said:
I paraphrased a passage (1 Corinthians 6:19) that suggests our Lord is concerned about the body. His redemptive work, however, is entirely about our soul and has nothing to do with our temporal body.

If redemption is not about body then what is Matthew8:17

Mudinyeri · May 20, 2016

Si_monfaith said:
If redemption is not about body then what is Matthew8:17

It's a Greek translation of the Hebrew in Isaiah 53 (see above).

farout · May 20, 2016

Albion said:
Good point. I wasn't at all on board with the comment in the OP saying women lose their physical appeal sooner than men.

Nope, at least not my wife, I am not in the physical condition I once was.

Tom Sawyer · May 13, 2018

draugr said:
Dear husbands,

I am struggling with a decision to make and I thought maybe if you could share your experience that might be helpful. Here's the story:

I am 33 years old and I am thinking of starting dating and then maybe marrying a girl I know. We like each other and there is a good intellectual and spiritual connection between us. However, I have a "physical" dilemma. As I decided to wait with having sex till marriage (and so far managed to), I am very excited by the fact that when I marry, I could finally start my sexual life and I am really looking forward to the pleasures it offers. Though I sticked to Christian life since my childhood, having grown up in a world that made sexual activity a god, I kind of soaked up with all this sexual hype. And thus I have really big expectations, perhaps too big... So here's my dilemma: the girl I mentioned is 34 years old. While I find her physically attractive now, I wonder if this will still be true in 5 years, because of aging of her body. Men are known to stay sexually fit at least till their 50-60's and so I am afraid that after a few years I would not find her physically attractive and it will be difficult for me to have sex with her. I am just worrying, that I end up as a frustrated husband which wouldn’t be good for her and for me.

So my questions to all you husbands are: how important for you, men, is sex in marriage? Is it of key importance? Has it the ‘power’ to outweigh the other aspects of marriage? What is your experience? Maybe I am just exaggerating the importance of it and/or having too big expectations?

I know all this may seem funny for you, but for me it's important, before I make a decision to start serious dating. Otherwise maybe I'll just look for a younger wife...

I would appreciate honest replies.
Thank you.

Hi Draugr, As a husband I would say intimacy is very important to me, although not the most important thing. I am in my 40's. We enjoy it regularly, and I think things would be less happy in marriage for us if we did not have it regularly.

I don't know if I can speak of it "outweighing" anything else, as it is not mutually exclusive with any other area of marriage. However, as far as time goes, surely sometimes we have to drop one thing to make room for another, so in those cases we do prioritize. However, we still manage to do everything, and rarely have to put off intimacy, except for obvious reasons, such as illness, or if there are guests over.

There is no perfect age for marriage, however it's always safer as far as children go to have a younger wife. That way she can have more children, and it is also safer for both her and the children if she has them earlier in life.

I hope that helps give you some insight. Bless you.

Tropical Wilds · May 13, 2018

This post is 2 years old...

Sparagmos · Oct 21, 2018

LinkH said:
Another way of looking at it is that our society has the wrong values, putting way too much emphasis on women being educated (so they can work at Walmart with their college degrees in women's studies and communications) instead of emphasizing the importance of motherhood. They spend their prime child-bearing years working on a career, and then expect to just get married at 30 and have a few kids before it's too late.

What's even worse is when women throw away their virginity and have multiple sex partners (typically men who also don't value sexual purity), and then expect some guy to 'man up' at 30 and marry her after she's been used by a bunch of other guys.

If women marry at 22, a 30-year-old guy established in his career makes sense. If the plan is for her to be a stay-at-home mom, him having already worked a while and gotten established is a plus for her. It's a good match-up. The man being just a bit older works out okay for a lot of reasons in a number of cases.

If a 30-year-old man wants to marry a 22-year-old woman whose a bit younger and more energetic for child-bearing, that's up to him. That may be a wise thing to do. But if he does want to do that, it's going to be hard. A lot of the young women are off experimenting with young guys and working toward getting their education so they can build up their careers.

“Expect some guy to marry her st 30 after she has been used by a bunch of guts?” What a bunch of misogynist bull crap. Other than you - Who are these men who don’t want to marry a 30 year old woman, and think she has been “used” because she has had sex with other men? That would be funny if it wasn’t so horrible.

Tropical Wilds · Oct 21, 2018

See my previous post.

Darkhorse · Oct 27, 2018

This post is more for the current readers of the thread than for the OP.

My wife was 21 when I met her. She was somewhat overweight (always had been), and didn't have the face of a movie star, but she was easy to talk to, was very realistic, and we shared many values in common.

After we married she had 2 kids and gained 60 pounds which hasn't come off. That was 25 years ago, and time has taken a toll on both of us.

So do I still find her attractive? Yes, more than ever.
The years of experience together have strengthened the already-strong bond between us.
Do we still enjoy sex? Of course! Less acrobatic, but every bit as innovative - and satisfying.

People differ, but I find her stretch marks and other changes of maternity to be badges of honor.
People with the right values and attitude look forward to growing old with their spouse.

A question to all husbands - please help!

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