A question from an expectant dad

[DesertSAPPER]

Ladies,

I recognize that this particular forum is mostly populated by expectant moms, so it is with that in mind that I phrase this (hopefully somewhat diplomatically). To frame this a little, let me say that my wife Megan and I have two lovely baby girls and are expecting our third (girl, that is) round about the end of November/beginning of December. With that in mind, and also bearing in mind that I have been there for both of the previous pregnancies, I find myself wondering (quite often) why I'm not more patient with Megan.

I know that she is suffering from lower back pain, doesn't have all the capability in the world to do the things that she did before, and I know that she can be a bit irritable from all the complicated things that are going on in her body right now. Yet I manage to not maintain my calmness and patience with her. I find myself being too selfish. I find myself arguing with her. I don't want to. I want to do things for her that make her pregancy a little bit smoother/easier.

So my question for those of you out there that either are currently carrying a little one or who did in the past is what are your favorite things that your husband did for you while you were pregnant that made you feel good? Also, what things did your husband say to you that made you feel good about yourself? I'm just trying to be the best hubby that I can be. You'd think I would have the whole 'husband of a pregnant lady' thing down by now.

Thanks in advance, Ladies.

 

[jessesgirl]

Bravo to you for at least acknowledging it!

Did you feel this way during all her pregnancies, or just this one? IDK about other women on the board, but I know that I wouldn't blame my DH a bit for getting frustrated at me because I can get quite cranky. He doesn't though, this is our first and all he does is stare at me with a blank look on his face when I go off....or stop talking LOL bless his heart, he doesn't stand a chance. Of course, usually between the temper tantrums, I have an emotional breakdown and beg him not to leave me or be mad at me or hate me...and that is when his "husband of a pregnant lady" kicks in. He just tells me how much I mean to him, how much he loves me and how he completely understands what I am going through and not to worry. The reassurance means the world to me. I have been going through a pretty difficult time finding clothes to fit my fat belly, too and all he does is constantly reassure me that I am beautiful. He goes with me to 12 different stores 8 different times and wears a bright eyed smile all the while. That, to me, makes all the difference in the world.

Prayin for you and your wife (and your beautiful baby girls!) and thanks for the chance to brag on my hubby!

 

[Cright]

I'm working full time right now (and only about 3 weeks til due day) last week he brought home a little plant (I love plants)... he told me he picked it up for me because he knows how hard I've been working and wanted me to have something I liked.

John and I are also going to go with a natural birth, so It's been an amazing feeling of relief and comfort and protection to see him reading my Bradley Natural Birthing books. Sometimes at night he'll pratice keeping me relaxed through a stage 1 (dialation) contraction. Sometimes we will pratice a stage 2 (pushing) contraction. The more prepared we both are, the more successful the 3 of us will be!

Lower back rubs are great. Bringing up laundry from the washer in the basement for me is alwasy awesome! Doesn't sound romantic, but really it's an amazing sign of love!

I have a laundry shoot, so it's easy to get laundry to the wash and get it washed up, it's just the carrying it up the stairs that really gets to me.

Any cleaning around the house would be great... but if you don't have the time or desire to clean, and you don't want to do back rubs... or buy her somethign small she likes... just use words. TELL her you appreciate how hard she works to bring your little miracle into the world. Words work wonders... tell her you want to do things to make things easier and get her opinion!!

Best of luck with new baby girl!!

Carina

 

[RoseofLima]

That is so sweet...I am actually crying. My husband is a cad....and has never done anything real nice for me when I was pregnant. (or when I wasn't for that matter)

I would have loved a regular trip to get a professional massage. I would love a night away with him. I would love for him to buy me an nice outfit, or a nice nightgown. I would love for him to just bring little gifts or cheap flowers home from work. I would love a bubble bath fixed for me- with candles on the counter. I would love a foot rub. I would love little notes that say "I love you!" in some way left where I would find them while he wa at work. I would love for him to plan a night (or morning or afternoon)out- babysitter and all.

God bless you richly for wanting to actually put into action the intentions you have of being a good husband!

 

[Singin4Him]

My husband has been absolutely great! We were having a rough spot in our marriage just before I got pregnant and I know he would agree with me when I say, this pregnancy has made us fall in such a deeper love with one another that we have never shared before.

My favorite things my husband does are rubbing my painfully sore feet after a long day of being on them. It's a like a reflex when he sits down with me he automatically grabs my feet and massages them or just gently rubs them. I've also experienced that horrible back pain and something he's done for me has been using our big heated back massager on me on the nights I'm really hurting.

The sweetest things he says to me are things like when I feel like a oopaloopa he tells me how beautiful I am and how well I am carrying this pregnancy. He constantly reminds me how beautiful he thinks it is that I'm carrying our child and how much he loves me for it. That makes me feel so good and so feminine. He's great with making me feel beautiful and loved.

 

[HeKnowsMyName]

My DH failed miserably with our first child. He didn't "know" what it was like for a woman to be pregnant so he really had no sympathy. He meant he was going to get it right this last time.

One thing he did was take over the grocery shopping for me. Can I tell you how nice it was to not have to do that? And can I also tell you that he still does it for me even three months after the baby arrived? It is a sweet gesture.

And he took our DD with him so I could rest. Babysitting is something wonderful that you could do for her.

 

[RoseofLima]

My husband has been absolutely great! We were having a rough spot in our marriage just before I got pregnant and I know he would agree with me when I say, this pregnancy has made us fall in such a deeper love with one another that we have never shared before.

My favorite things my husband does are rubbing my painfully sore feet after a long day of being on them. It's a like a reflex when he sits down with me he automatically grabs my feet and massages them or just gently rubs them. I've also experienced that horrible back pain and something he's done for me has been using our big heated back massager on me on the nights I'm really hurting.

The sweetest things he says to me are things like when I feel like a oopaloopa he tells me how beautiful I am and how well I am carrying this pregnancy. He constantly reminds me how beautiful he thinks it is that I'm carrying our child and how much he loves me for it. That makes me feel so good and so feminine. He's great with making me feel beautiful and loved.

That is so awesome! You are very blessed!

 

[Cright]

Babysitting is something wonderful that you could do for her.

Not to derail this thread... but should it really be called "babysitting" when he's the Dad?

 

[Roxa]

What I find my Hubby doing that is nice is helping me to put socks on my feet (I can't bend over anymore), and help me with my shoes.
Also saying how beautiful I am with a big tummy... Saying "you don't look fat... you look pregnant!"

 

[jessesgirl]

Yeah, my husband says that all the time, too Roxa...I tell him its a husband rule, he has to say it. LOL

 

[GolfingMom]

Ladies,

I recognize that this particular forum is mostly populated by expectant moms, so it is with that in mind that I phrase this (hopefully somewhat diplomatically). To frame this a little, let me say that my wife Megan and I have two lovely baby girls and are expecting our third (girl, that is) round about the end of November/beginning of December. With that in mind, and also bearing in mind that I have been there for both of the previous pregnancies, I find myself wondering (quite often) why I'm not more patient with Megan.

I know that she is suffering from lower back pain, doesn't have all the capability in the world to do the things that she did before, and I know that she can be a bit irritable from all the complicated things that are going on in her body right now. Yet I manage to not maintain my calmness and patience with her. I find myself being too selfish. I find myself arguing with her. I don't want to. I want to do things for her that make her pregancy a little bit smoother/easier.

So my question for those of you out there that either are currently carrying a little one or who did in the past is what are your favorite things that your husband did for you while you were pregnant that made you feel good? Also, what things did your husband say to you that made you feel good about yourself? I'm just trying to be the best hubby that I can be. You'd think I would have the whole 'husband of a pregnant lady' thing down by now.

Thanks in advance, Ladies.

Kudo's to you!

Here's a list that I LOVED.

-We went out to a local restuarant every Monday for coffee and a dessert! (One time is plenty however...I'm spoiled)
-DH cooked dinner when I couldn't get to it or better yet - he took us out!
-DH watched my oldest while I took a nice relaxing bath. It's even nicer to set up the tub with and take the kiddo's out so she has a quite house!
-Bring her a plant (I prefer plant over flowers)!
-Give her a card or write her a letter telling her how proud you are of her
-Tell her how great she looks
-Massage her shoulders or feet
-Give her a GC to get her hair done. Just having someone else shampoo and massage your head is worth it!
-Give her a GC to get her nails done.
-Get up early and make breakfast.
-Go grocery shopping with her or for her.
-Offer your services in any way possible

Hmmmm...Long list...did I scare you? DH did this for me and made my pregnancy fun!

 

[InTheFlame]

I'll chime in on the massages, too Hubby also tries to take as much of the load off me as possible, including making the occasional dinner and not complaining when dinner is 1/2 hr before bed and consists of a vegemite sandwich

Do you think maybe your lack of patience has to do with your OWN stress levels? Are you trying to do too much as well as look after your wife? Can you cut anything out (or down) - church responsibilities, sports team, work hours? Are you eating well? I find that unless I'm looking after myself, there's almost no point striving for self-control... when I'm tired, stressed and have low blood sugar, I'm FOUL-tempered, period. No pledge to be sweet-tempered will change that

 

[DesertSAPPER]

First I want to say thanks to all of you for your comments and suggestions. I already do some of these, and it helps to hear that you girls like this stuff. Maybe my wife likes them too and just doesn't mention it much. The automatic foot massage is my big thing. I try to get the circulation going in those little feet whenever I can. I rub her back as much as I can. I compliment her whenever I can. I'm patient with the meals, and try to help her with them. I guess I do more than I thought. I probably needed to hear that these are good things, because with this being the third pregnancy, it is basically habitual. I will have a little more joy the next time I am massaging her lower back or feet.

Do you think maybe your lack of patience has to do with your OWN stress levels?

I hadn't really thought of this. Thanks for mentioning it, because now I may be a little more aware of my own stresses and stressors. I should attempt to reduce my own stress or just stay quiet when she starts getting testy.

Again, thanks everybody for the responses. This helps.

 

[RoseofLima]

Okay....after a very tearful phonecall to my husband at work- he gets to be removed from the complete cad category...

Can I add one to the list-- every once in awhile- (if your job allows for this)- surprise your wife and come home early- and just kind of take over the household responsibilities- taking the kids outside to play.

This morning my husband left me a note telling me to have a day filled with love- and left little notes with the word "love" all over the house- anywhere that I might be today.

Have you read The Five Love Languages ? It might help to figure out what expressions of your love are the ones that make your wife feel the most love. If her love language is quality time...while helping with meals is nice and good and helpful and I am sure appreciated--it won't be what she needs to really feel deeply loved.

For me- my biggest is gift giving- little notes and trinkets and gifts of tacos(which my husband went out on the fly and bought me last night before I had a meeting to go to). My next two are physical touch and quality time...

On the other hand my husband most often expresses his love through acts of service-- and while they are meaningful- and nice and appreciated....they do not fill me with that sense of deep love which a corny little note does. So he might feel like he is doing all kinds of stuff for me( and he really is)...but it misses the mark what what I really need.

Don't know if that helps at all...but it is a key to my contentment.

 

[lin1235]

Let's see: My husband brings me coffee in bed every morning - he's been doing that since we got married, but now that it's hard to get out of bed I REALLY appreciate it!

He's very considerate of how tired I feel, so he'll drop me off at the entrance to a shop when we go shopping, and then go and fetch the car again and pick me up again. Or any other time where he can spare me some effort, he does so.

When I drop something (are all pregnant women this clumsy? lol) he immediately picks it up for me.

Back rubs are great!

I love it when he reads books on pregnancy and parenting. I'm fine with him not reading the pregnancy stuff (it's my body it's happening to, after all) but I love to see how he's preparing to be a dad.

Where he may have done better is to put in some more effort on getting the baby room ready. I'm 5 weeks from my due date and today was the first time that he's actually spent some time in the baby room preparing it - other than moving the furniture away from the walls so I could get to them better. We want to repaint but there's a lot of cracks in the wall and I've been clearing the cracks and filling them up again (and I've never been a handywoman lol), he hasn't offered much help on that front.

All in all, anything you can do to add to her comfort levels will be great. Oh and offer to cut & paint her toenails - I simply can't reach anymore!

 

[DesertSAPPER]

Okay....after a very tearful phonecall to my husband at work- he gets to be removed from the complete cad category...

Can I add one to the list-- every once in awhile- (if your job allows for this)- surprise your wife and come home early- and just kind of take over the household responsibilities- taking the kids outside to play.

This morning my husband left me a note telling me to have a day filled with love- and left little notes with the word "love" all over the house- anywhere that I might be today.

Have you read The Five Love Languages ? It might help to figure out what expressions of your love are the ones that make your wife feel the most love. If her love language is quality time...while helping with meals is nice and good and helpful and I am sure appreciated--it won't be what she needs to really feel deeply loved.

For me- my biggest is gift giving- little notes and trinkets and gifts of tacos(which my husband went out on the fly and bought me last night before I had a meeting to go to). My next two are physical touch and quality time...

On the other hand my husband most often expresses his love through acts of service-- and while they are meaningful- and nice and appreciated....they do not fill me with that sense of deep love which a corny little note does. So he might feel like he is doing all kinds of stuff for me( and he really is)...but it misses the mark what what I really need.

Don't know if that helps at all...but it is a key to my contentment.

I'm glad your hubby isn't in the cad category anymore. LOL! If a husband isn't there to help his wife when she's pregnant he better be in another country as far as I'm concerned (BTDT, it's not fun).

I've read the 5 love languages (we both have, actually), and we went to Dr. Chapman's conference when he visited our old church (that was some church, let me tell ya). She likes acts of service and gifts, I am a physical touch (what guy isn't) and words of praise/encouragement bubba. I try to cover down on the acts of service by ALWAYS cleaning the house and doing the dishes and occasionally cooking dinner (although, my cooking ability leaves a lot to be desired). I'm trying.

I really need to pick it up with the gift giving. Notes are something that I could easily do. And occasionally bringing food and stuff home could be done. Thanks for mentioning those.

Thanks for the discussion, ladies. Great ideas in here. God Bless.

-Nate

 

[Singin4Him]

I'm glad your hubby isn't in the cad category anymore. LOL! If a husband isn't there to help his wife when she's pregnant he better be in another country as far as I'm concerned (BTDT, it's not fun).

I've read the 5 love languages (we both have, actually), and we went to Dr. Chapman's conference when he visited our old church (that was some church, let me tell ya). She likes acts of service and gifts, I am a physical touch (what guy isn't) and words of praise/encouragement bubba. I try to cover down on the acts of service by ALWAYS cleaning the house and doing the dishes and occasionally cooking dinner (although, my cooking ability leaves a lot to be desired). I'm trying.

I really need to pick it up with the gift giving. Notes are something that I could easily do. And occasionally bringing food and stuff home could be done. Thanks for mentioning those.

Thanks for the discussion, ladies. Great ideas in here. God Bless.

-Nate

Just a though but a really great gift for a pregnant woman is something to pamper herself with such as bubble bath, lotions, massage oil , ..etc. Just make sure it's safe for pregnant women before you buy it.

 

[RoseofLima]

I'm glad your hubby isn't in the cad category anymore. LOL! If a husband isn't there to help his wife when she's pregnant he better be in another country as far as I'm concerned (BTDT, it's not fun).

I've read the 5 love languages (we both have, actually), and we went to Dr. Chapman's conference when he visited our old church (that was some church, let me tell ya). She likes acts of service and gifts, I am a physical touch (what guy isn't) and words of praise/encouragement bubba. I try to cover down on the acts of service by ALWAYS cleaning the house and doing the dishes and occasionally cooking dinner (although, my cooking ability leaves a lot to be desired). I'm trying.

I really need to pick it up with the gift giving. Notes are something that I could easily do. And occasionally bringing food and stuff home could be done. Thanks for mentioning those.

Thanks for the discussion, ladies. Great ideas in here. God Bless.

-Nate

Gift giving --little notes and such...surprising me with little things- does not come naturally for my husband...but oh my goodness- It makes such a huge and enormous difference in my entire outlook when he does those things!

If he leaves me a little love note- or some litttle tissue paper flower thingy he made - or whatever- in the morning---my whole day will be great. That stuff just really does it for me in the area of feeling deeply loved.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Nothing! He wasn't very patient either and got tired of hearing me complain. The best thing you can do is try to be understanding, even if it's not going out of your way to be sympathetic, leave the room if you need to and talk nicely, and whatever you do, try not to hold her mean ways against her. My hubbie's biggest problems in our relatioship always are a result of unforgiveness and self pity. Keeping these things in mind might help you.

HB