There is no way I can do that.
The pull I was feeling back towards Christianity is gone, yet again. I don't think I will be coming back but thanks everyone for taking the time to try to answer my questions.
It shouldn't be the religion of Christianity that pulls you back anyway. It ought to be the Love of God.
If you ever desire to explore the possibility of coming back, my advise is to strip down everything you believe in Christianity and start fresh with just a relationship with God.
I suspect that you haven't really experienced the Love of God in your life.
Maybe you started your relationship with God out of the fear of going to hell. That you motivation is to avoid hell at all costs, so your relationship isn't based on love.
God doesn't want you worshipping Him because you are afraid of Him.
Here's the whole matter, starelda.
God wants us to know His love. God is love. But the resason we do not experience this is because
sin has distorted our capacity to love. We are caught up in our vices, our anxieties, and our worries that we are blind to God's Love. We don't experience it because our hearts are impure.
Oh great, now what do we do.
Well, that's just it. We have to find out how we can get our hearts pure. Jesus said that if the Son of Man sets you free, you are free indeed. What God has done is break down that barrier of sin through Christ. What that enables us to do is obtain mercy from God, instead of that sense of impending doom that death seems to toss at us.
I know you are scared of death. We all are. And I know you are scared about what lies beyond. But bear with me for a second.
Forget for a moment that you aren't going to die. Forget for a moment that there is even a hell.
I ask you, do you have the capacity to love as God wants you to? Do you see that you sin keeps you from loving as you ought?
You will never find peace until you learn to love.
You are frustrated because you think God is not real in your life. You are seeking for signs, seeking other religions for Him. Trying to find God is some tangable way.
But God is found when we allow Him to be in our life. God is found in our relationship with Him and our relationship with others.
If you don't know how to love, go to God and ask Him to give you what you need. Acknowledge that you fall short and that He give you His Spirit and show you His Love.
Pour your heart to Him to change your life, not because you fear hell, but because you want that change in your life.
Salvation is not an end, but a means to an end. God doesn't just want to save you, He wants to change you. But the ball is in our court. We have to allow him into our life.
Do this as an experiment. John 14:21 says:
"He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him."
Don't view the commandments as a bunch of dos and don'ts. But rather believe in God that what He says is for you happiness and joy for your life. What you obey God, He promises to
manifest himself to you. Now he isn't going to manifest Himself by some sign in the heave, but by working through you life as you obey Him. You will see you situation change, you will see results of God's love. You will experience His forgiveness. You will find yourself with the
ability to forgive others. Because your obedience to his Word will activate his Spirit in your life.
This may not seem very concrete way of finding God to you, but it has worked for me.
All I'm saying is that you take Him on His Word. Try Him on this. Try for one week to seek God for changes in your life. Trust Him that He will do something amazing and unexpected. See what happens. Please.