A PTSD analogy

[LovebirdsFlying]

Another analogy I just came up with in a support group for PTSD from childhood issues.

Picture the scene: I'm standing at the top of a steep flight of stairs. Suddenly the person next to me begins to have a seizure. That person's body pitches uncontrollably into mine, knocking me off balance. I tumble down those stairs. At the bottom, I discover that my ankle is broken.

Is this the fault of the person who had a seizure? Of course not! There is no point in blaming, hating, or resenting people for something they didn't plan and cannot control. To do so would be unfair and an incredible waste of time and energy. However, the following facts need to be understood:

1. Even though it was nobody's fault, it still hurts, and it still needs to be taken care of.

2. Expressing pain, not getting up and walking on that broken ankle, and asking for medical help for myself is not self-pity or playing the victim. It doesn't mean I don't care about the person who had the seizure, or that I think they did it on purpose, or that I don't understand they need medical help too.

3. Still having a cast on my ankle six weeks later, and walking around on crutches, doesn't mean I haven't forgiven them.

4. If for some reason the bones don't heal right, and I have chronic pain from it years later, this isn't holding on to the past, and isn't a matter of refusing to let it go.

So, I think we need to have the same attitude when the wounds are emotional rather than physical. That's all.

 

[frienden thalord]

That cat looks just flat out angry. Give it a shot of three way B
be friendly be kind and be happy.

 

[teresa]

this isn't holding on to the past, and isn't a matter of refusing to let it go.

Have you ever been assessed as purposely choosing to hold onto depression?

I believe that anyone making that accusation has not enough training to grasp what we are going through.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

It usually isn't professionals making that accusation. It's usually family, or well-meaning friends. They don't have any training at all--except in my mother's case, where she did major in psychology when she went to college. HOWEVER:

1. It was just a little community college. Not a university, or even a state college.
2. She dropped out in the first year and didn't complete the degree.
3. According to the psychologist who is on my treatment team, analysis and other meatier parts of the practice are not taught at the undergraduate level. At that stage, they get primarily the history of the science, and other basics.
4. Even if she had graduated with a degree, professionals don't practice on their own family members. It's considered unethical.

Yet she's had me under a microscope for most of my life, endlessly telling me what she thinks is wrong with me, and what I should do about it. If my doctor says differently, well, naturally, that's because the doctor wants my money, so they're going to tell me whatever it takes to keep me coming back. Instead of my doctor, I should listen to her. Only SHE knows what I should do and how I should think, if I really want to be happy and healthy and not have any problems anymore.

So basically it's the same thing as a premed student dropping out after taking a few prerequisites, but from then on they diagnose and treat their family members' illnesses no matter what the actual doctor says.

In keeping with the analogy, the attitude I'm most likely to get from a close family member would be this: "What do you mean, your ankle is broken? It doesn't look broken to me. There's nothing wrong with you. It's all in your head. Have a positive attitude, keep telling yourself it doesn't hurt, and it won't. What person having a seizure? That didn't happen. There was nobody having a seizure at the top of the stairs. Nobody has seizures in our family. You imagined it. You probably saw somebody having a seizure on television, or something, and you got mixed up. You threw yourself down the stairs on purpose, to make people feel sorry for you. Now, quit making a scene, turn your foot around the way it's supposed to point, and get up and walk like a normal person."

 

[teresa]

In keeping with the analogy, the attitude I'm most likely to get from a close family member would be this: "What do you mean, your ankle is broken? It doesn't look broken to me. There's nothing wrong with you. It's all in your head. Have a positive attitude, keep telling yourself it doesn't hurt, and it won't. What person having a seizure? That didn't happen. There was nobody having a seizure at the top of the stairs. Nobody has seizures in our family. You imagined it. You probably saw somebody having a seizure on television, or something, and you got mixed up. You threw yourself down the stairs on purpose, to make people feel sorry for you. Now, quit making a scene, turn your foot around the way it's supposed to point, and get up and walk like a normal person."

oh, my dear, that sounds like such a rough journey to have to be on. My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry you have been through so much pain.

what can be worse than invalidation?

you are real, your thoughts are real, your feelings are real.

you were discounted and that's not fair!

(((HUGS)))

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Hugs back.

Someone pointed out to me, again with the same analogy:

IF the person at the top of the stairs is known to have a seizure disorder, and IF that person flatly refuses to get any medical treatment for it, then yes they do become responsible for any damage they do while having a seizure.

I've heard an awful lot of that excuse, "Well, he/she has a mental illness and isn't responsible for what he/she says." That's why he/she gets to yell and swear at me, call me names, accuse me of things I didn't do, etc., and I'm expected to just smile sweetly and take it. Funny thing is, if I say or do something somebody else doesn't like, and I point out that I too have a mental illness, then all of a sudden it's "Oh, quit using mental illness as an excuse, and take some responsibility for your own behavior." OK, so they get a free pass but I don't? Why is that?

 

[teresa]

OK, so they get a free pass but I don't? Why is that?

my take on it is that your mental illness was unbearable for them to acknowledge so they were in denial because they needed to be.

I sense that you never got the affirmation of what you were going through from them, is this still true today?

Children need to be seen and heard and not the opposite way of keeping quiet.

Children who aren't "seen or heard" end up with serious problems of low self-worth.

And they learn to hold it all in, and then they explode later in life or implode.

I can see why you felt invisible, my dear.

Not your fault. You needed to be loved and to receive compassion and kindness not to be shushed and put off.

Are you able to give yourself the love that you need today?

How do you provide for your needs?

source:The friend calms the sad girl