A problem understood, if not solved

[LovebirdsFlying]

Many of you have noticed a common thread running through the challenges I post about my husband. I say something, make a request, give him information, and he'll acknowledge it. Then minutes later it falls out of his head. I might as well have never said a word.

Tonight we had a productive conversation about it. I told him I *know* I'm reading the situation wrong, but what it feels like is that maybe I just didn't say anything worth paying attention to. He, of course, acknowledged that this is wrong.

Then I told him the imagery I was coming up with in my head.

We keep an open bin next to our kitchen garbage to put our recycling in. Imagine how it looks when it hasn't been emptied yet. I walk by and toss in a plastic water bottle. It then ricochets off cardboard boxes and soda cans, bounces out, and ends up on the floor, where I have to pick it up and put it back in. That can be annoying.

Hubby got the picture, and he agrees. His brain is like the recycling bin. Sometimes it's just too full. Any new information isn't going to stick. It's going to bounce off of everything else that's already in there, and be right back out. Does this mean the water bottle isn't good enough and doesn't deserve to be recycled? Now, that would be just plain silly, wouldn't it?

Please keep hubby in your prayers. The forgetfulness and overwork and overstress *is* starting to cause him trouble on his job. He needs to find a way to empty his cluttered brain out.

 

[Tolworth John]

The forgetfulness and overwork and overstress *is* starting to cause him trouble on his job. He needs to find a way to empty his cluttered brain out.

May I suggest that he see a doctor as there are medicaL conditions that cause forgetfullness.

Otherwise he'll have to carry a note book and write every instruction down so he doesn't forget them.

 

[GeorgeJ]

May I ask what age he is?

I'm 58....forgetfulness is one of my hallmarks as I age. At this stage, sometimes I get up fixin' to do something, and when I get there I forgot what I was fixin' to do!

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

He's 54, and medical tests are underway.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Heh, I do that alot and I'm about a decade or so away from 50 something or other.

LovebirdsFlying, does dementia run in his family? Praying for you both.

It does, and that's one thing that's being investigated. Of course, it took a major problem at work to convince him to look at it. I'd been telling him he should for some time now, but it didn't get through.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Hubby met with a neurologist today.

Previously, his cognitive function had been found to be in the 79th percentile for a man his age. That's considerably above average. The doctor giving that test wondered if any other tests were going to be necessary, but then the incident at work happened, and he was referred to a neurologist. Even though he's not a member of these forums, I'm not specifying what happened, because he's very embarrassed about it. Co-workers have been asking questions he's dodging, so I don't feel right spilling it either. You never know who might read this online.

The neurologist ordered blood work, a brain scan, and a sleep study. The problem could be as simple as sleep apnea or his blood sugar being wonky. He is diabetic. At first the doctor ordered the tests on a normal timeline. Then hubby told him what happened at work. The doctor turned right to the computer and changed the orders to urgent. "I didn't realize your job was being affected." It's still going to take more than a week to get the brain scan, and longer than that for the sleep study. So we're not going to know anything specific for a while. Meanwhile, he has documentation for his employer that he is being medically checked out, so let's please bear with him.

Keep him in your prayers please.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

Hubby is quite worried about himself now.

He has overdrawn the checking account three times in the past month. He NEVER does this. He has always been so careful and diligent about managing money. In fact, I've learned a lot of good habits from him. He's still careful to check everything daily, and finding the negative balances before they even contacted him has kept things from getting as bad as they could have. Fortunately, I had the cash on hand to bail him out so the balance wouldn't stay negative. I can't work, but he's been giving me a certain amount from every paycheck, for me to spend on my own needs. I've been holding on to it lately because I had no reason to spend it. He says he'll reimburse it next time he gets paid, and I know he's dependable.

I blame his check register. Because it's well-established that he is resistant to change, he doesn't like to do automatic withdrawals or pay bills by computer. He still writes and mails paper checks. Having such good habits, he carefully records them in the register, and then he marks them off when they clear. He missed a couple that weren't marked off. Reason, that checkbook-sized register is so itty bitty that the writing is allintogetherlikethis. I suggested getting a notebook or something that he can use as a check register. That way he can write larger and leave more space in between, and it's easier to read.

Let's see if he takes that suggestion, or blows it off.

Question: If he does ignore the suggestion, should I simply buy him a notebook-sized check register? Or should I respect his decision to keep using the tiny checkbook-sized one, and run the risk of this continuing to happen?

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

PS: Just had a brainstorm about how I might present it. Normally he manages finances like a pro. He needs professional executive-quality equipment that's worthy of him. You wouldn't give Eric Clapton a little plastic toy guitar, and then expect him to make it sound as good on stage as the concert-grade instruments he does play. Right?