A picture reminds me

[72_Chev_Truck]

A picture reminds me of her
I could not see her eyes
but yet I remember the color so vividly
I could not see her smile
but in my memory it brought me so much joy
I could not feel her hands on mine
but I remember how good it was to hold them
I could not see her hair
but in my mind it flowed freely with the wind
I could not hear her voice
but I remember it sounded like birds singing
I could not hear her footsteps
but I remembered the sound as they danced lightly across the floor
I could not smell her perfume
but the scent still lingers in my mind
I could not hear her laugh
but it brings back wonderful memories
I could not hold her
for she is no longer mine
I can not love her
but the memories play games with my mind




What do ya think? kinda a first attempt at some sort of poetry.

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

Cmon yo, dont make me reply to my own thread *bump*

I believe this poem signifies everything a picture cant show you.

 

[plum]

it has good rhythm and a great theme i can relate to
post it in the poetry section?

 

[72_Chev_Truck]

it has good rhythm and a great theme i can relate to
post it in the poetry section?

Thanks...

Its been posted there but since i pretty much only post in singles i decided to put it in here too. get more traffic and opinions

 

[mbotz72]

I like your poem a lot because I think it rings true for so many people. A picture has the potential to be full of amazing memories, but it can also remind us of pain, yearning, or powerful moments that were once. Pictures are incredible ways to remember and see the things that we might not have opportunity to experience at this present time or ever again. They can represent a significant part of your life that no one can understand. I like how your descriptions about a picture try to communicate what that picture means to you and reminds you of!

 

[wildthing]

I enjoied reading it. It is a good start. I do know the feeling that you are expressing.

 

[TriptychR]

As far as content goes, this is very beautiful. Structurally, though, I have a few suggestions. I think it would make the poem stronger to include punctuation within it, or perhaps line breaks every two verses as it fits, where a natural pause should be. The last line also seems to trip up a little bit, especially since it seems to rhyme with another line before it. My suggestion would be to consider the last four lines as a poem in itself and craft that last line so the rhythm matches more with it. That should sew up the end of the entire poem rather well. I hope this helps.