This evening ive been reading a lot and trying to feel closer to God, but the more i try, the further away i get.
In trying to work the reason out, i feel over come with sadness. I think the basic point being, if Jesus was to see me today and forgive me all of my sins, i know i could never stay pure no matter how hard i tried. I also can't find answers to questions i have like why are we all cursed with original sin, as i find that so unfair when we know that God is a just God. Human suffering i can understand like famine, war and natural disasters. Because all of that is man made. But what chance have Christians got when we're told we will always fall short in Gods eyes.
Jesus was, and will be the only living person who could ever be perfect in Gods eyes. I don't know where im going with all this, as i feel lost right now, but im pained in life by suffering and evil in the world. Fair enough God may make it up to those who have suffered in this life. And all evil doers will be justly dealt with. But i still have question like how come God exists, and if Jesus was with God at the beginning of time and knew he would be born and killed into this world and go back to heaven again was it such a sacrifice. I feel ****** by even thinking such a thing. I do understand the pain Jesus suffered, but he knew for sure what would happen, whereas we live life by faith. Ive been searching for a year now to be closer to God and sometimes i feel near to him, but then others i feel confused and even angry by some of the rules he made.
If God wanted, he could put all evil doers on one planet and all those who want to do good and live without sin on another. What's the point of our struggles and prayers if we can't eradicate the evil of this world? If we can't help the suffering children, if we can't love one another and live in peace. When Paul says he does not want he wants to do, but what he does NOT want to do. we have been cursed with sin, and are always pulled in that direction no matter what we try to do. Surely a just way would be to make everyone without original sin, and let them choose how they live their lives, and if they choose to live completely without sin they could do without all the struggle. Those who do evil are the ones who have it easy because they are doing what they want to do without regard to other peoples feelings. They don't have the fear or love of God so they can live contentedly with what they do. Whereas i fret and worry about everything i do because i have the burden of knowing i will never be good enough in Gods eyes. None of us will be. Im not loosing my faith in God, im just not understanding the answers to my questions. For instance, does God change this morals with modern living the way the church does? Nowadays it's seen by some churches that you can live in same sex marriages, gay priests, you can live and raise children out of wed lock, ministers in the church abuse children and it's all covered up and people go unpunished. The people in the olden days had it better than us as they had prophets, Jesus and saw and heard God in various forms. What do we have to help us with our struggles? We have the Bible sure, but when the churches we go to are not living by the word how are we suppose to?
In trying to work the reason out, i feel over come with sadness. I think the basic point being, if Jesus was to see me today and forgive me all of my sins, i know i could never stay pure no matter how hard i tried. I also can't find answers to questions i have like why are we all cursed with original sin, as i find that so unfair when we know that God is a just God. Human suffering i can understand like famine, war and natural disasters. Because all of that is man made. But what chance have Christians got when we're told we will always fall short in Gods eyes.
Jesus was, and will be the only living person who could ever be perfect in Gods eyes. I don't know where im going with all this, as i feel lost right now, but im pained in life by suffering and evil in the world. Fair enough God may make it up to those who have suffered in this life. And all evil doers will be justly dealt with. But i still have question like how come God exists, and if Jesus was with God at the beginning of time and knew he would be born and killed into this world and go back to heaven again was it such a sacrifice. I feel ****** by even thinking such a thing. I do understand the pain Jesus suffered, but he knew for sure what would happen, whereas we live life by faith. Ive been searching for a year now to be closer to God and sometimes i feel near to him, but then others i feel confused and even angry by some of the rules he made.
If God wanted, he could put all evil doers on one planet and all those who want to do good and live without sin on another. What's the point of our struggles and prayers if we can't eradicate the evil of this world? If we can't help the suffering children, if we can't love one another and live in peace. When Paul says he does not want he wants to do, but what he does NOT want to do. we have been cursed with sin, and are always pulled in that direction no matter what we try to do. Surely a just way would be to make everyone without original sin, and let them choose how they live their lives, and if they choose to live completely without sin they could do without all the struggle. Those who do evil are the ones who have it easy because they are doing what they want to do without regard to other peoples feelings. They don't have the fear or love of God so they can live contentedly with what they do. Whereas i fret and worry about everything i do because i have the burden of knowing i will never be good enough in Gods eyes. None of us will be. Im not loosing my faith in God, im just not understanding the answers to my questions. For instance, does God change this morals with modern living the way the church does? Nowadays it's seen by some churches that you can live in same sex marriages, gay priests, you can live and raise children out of wed lock, ministers in the church abuse children and it's all covered up and people go unpunished. The people in the olden days had it better than us as they had prophets, Jesus and saw and heard God in various forms. What do we have to help us with our struggles? We have the Bible sure, but when the churches we go to are not living by the word how are we suppose to?
I'll keep you in my prayers! 
