A long relationship

[johnnybegood]

So I'm dating this girl and we both have 3-4 years of college left. Obviously we can't get married while we are both in college, so that means if we do get married, we will have to be dating for years. I have a question though, do these sort of relationships ever last? It seems to me that most people either marry within a year or two otherwise the relationship falls apart. Also, in a year we will both be transfered to different universities, about a 2 hour drive away from each other. Is that considred long distance? And do you think a relationship can last if you can only see each other once a week but call and email the rest of the time for a whole year or two?

Also, would it make things better to get engaged while still in college and having a year or two left to finish up?

I haven't heard much about Christian relationships really so these may be some stupid questions LOL. I believe that if we both love God and each other, things will work out.

Let me know what you guys think or have done.

 

[modelchick]

ok since im only 15 i don't have much experience w/ my b/f to share cuz we're only 15! anywayz i know im always using my families relationships as an example but I think they're pretty good. anywayz my mom and dad started dating and a month later he had to go to bootcamp for the air force. They saw eachother like once every couple of months but wrote letters and talked on the phone like once a week or once every two weeks. my mom loved him, my dad loved her so they kept in touch for about two years with seeing eachother not all that much. My brother and his g/f are in the same situation....They haven't seen eachother for 2 months and they aren't going to be able to see eachother until christmas but since they love eachother....they are making it work. ok so my other brother and his wife were dating for 1 year and a half and needed to get married right then and there....they couldn't wait till they got out of college even though everybody was telling them to. None of their parents gave them permission so they got pregnant and they HAD to get married. Then they had to drop out of college and my sister-in-law keeps saying that was the biggest mistake of her life. Basicaly if they really loved eachother....they could've waited a few years. So the moral of all this is if you really love eachother then you will find some way to work it out without rushing into marriage.

 

[lovesbrightpink]

my best friends brother was with a women from freshmen year of high school. They were together in college and after they graduated they got married. It dont think it is about when you meet or how long you are together. Its about the couple. If its meant to be it will be.

I have been with my fiance for 2 years. We are getting married a year from now. So thats 3 years. I am in college but we are both settled and we are already married in everyone elses eyes. good luck.

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

It'll be hard, but not impossible. My boyfriend and I live about 2 hours away from eachother, and I only go home about twice a month. It isn't too hard for me personally, because I'm so busy. One thing that has really been helping me is a weekly webcam chat. We can see and hear eachother that way, and we don't do it often enough for it to make us miss eachother more.

Also, DON'T GET ENGAGED unless you have the means and are willing to get married within 6-9 months. Long engagements are tough, I know I wouldn't be able to make it. You don't want to sit comfy in a transition stage like that for long--you want to either tie the knot, or if you're apprehensive about marrying, think about where the relationship is going in the first place.

Also, many couples have gotten married while in college and have been just fine. I'd be sure of a few things before making that decision, though.. are you both mature enough for it? Are you BOTH finantially independant from your parents?(very important, to me)

In a lot of ways, being married and paying your own bills will be cheaper than living separately and paying your own bills. The shared expenses would be a lot like haivng a roommate, if you choose to live in an appartment. There are other factors, though, that roommates generally don't have to worry about.. It is possible that the two of you could get pregnant unexpectedly, or things such as hospital bills or car repairs that would affect both of you because you are married, rather than roommates.

This probably raises more questions than it answers, though. Marriage is scary!

 

[johnnybegood]

Thanks for the replies, and that's true, if it's meant to be it will work out. I'm not saying I want to get married right away. But I've always sort of wanted to be get married a few months after graduation. I know it will be tough at times, but I think this girl just may be worth it.

 

[ItalianAngel]

hi. johnnybegood,

A long courtship doesn't necessarily mean that the relationship is ultimately doomed. Many couples for many reasons make the choice to have a long courtship and a short engagement period. For me personally, it makes much more sense to have a long courtship than to be engaged for several years. If you and your girlfriend put this situation in The Lord's hands, His timing will be perfect.

blessings,
~Michele

 

[JesusWasn'tWhite]

So I'm dating this girl and we both have 3-4 years of college left. Obviously we can't get married while we are both in college, so that means if we do get married, we will have to be dating for years.

Why can't you get married while you are both in college?

I am in college. So is my fiance. We are getting married the summer before my senior year (next summer!). It's not impossible. There are a lot of reasons why it's *better* for us to marry next summer than the summer after that. Of course, those things are very specific to us, and may or may not hold true to you both. Some people say being married and going to college is really hard.. some say it's just fine! I've been told that some find it very beneficial because you have someone always there to help you out, who's interested in your classes, like a study buddy. You know that no matter what, you'll get through things together.

One thing about my fiance and I is that we live about 30 miles away from one another, but it takes about 2.5-3 hours to get there and back with transportation. We both didn't want to have a serious, marriage-bound relationship (whether truly engaged or just.. almost engaged) for 2+ years in that kind of transportation issue. It meant that we couldn't just do something together on an evening or go for coffee, but we had to have at least 6 hours free to do anything together, and that happens like once a week. Plus, honestly.. I didn't want to deal with the stress of my senior year, my schedule my senior year, wedding planning during my senior year, and put on top of that.. the temptation to let your physical relationship progress too far... man oh man.. it made a pretty good case for us to get married sooner, since we are ready and wanting.

I wouldn't recommend marrying during college to *everyone, but I wouldn't even recommend dating to *everyone!

If you want to marry her and if she wants to marry you, you are ready to marry before graduation, and you can feasibly do it... sure.

There seems to be a lot of hostility around here about people who marry in college.. and there's a lot of hostility (just.. negative advice, harsh words) in real life too... but everyone I've known who's done this has been just fine, and I know my fiance and I will be too.


*sorry this was so long.

 

[squeakyclean1]

Yep, long relationships can work out.

I know a couple who started dating in 7th grade, and now are seniors in college getting married after they graduate. Now thats a long relationship!

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

Why can't you get married why you are in college?

I don't see anything wrong with a long relationship if both of you are ok with it. I believe that they can last. If a couple can't last when not married...how will they last when married?

If you must have a long relationship then make sure that both of you are ok with it. Just take it a step at a time. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't....but if it doesn't then you shouldn't be getting married anyway.

 

[Assisi]

I know I'm married and so I'm not sure I'm meant to post here.

But my husband and I were together for over 4 years before we got married because we hadn't finished uni. We got engaged 6 months before my hubby gradtuated and married a year later, 6 months before I finished my undergrad degree. It can def work. In fact, our long relationship created a really firm foundation for our marriage. There ended up being heaps of benefits, though it was hard at times.
-our friends knew us as a couple long before we got married
-we knew each other really well when we married
-we had lots of time to prayerfully prepare for marriage
-God used us as an example to our friends, that chastity is possible, and that the worlds definition what makes a good relationship was not true.
-we have had practise making sacrifices in courtship, so we are good compromisers and make sacrifices for each other
-we knew each others families really well
- we were able to be involved in church in ways that marrieds can't, and we were still able to minister together.

There are heaps of advantages. But it has to be what is right for you. One thing to take into account is: what would you do if you got pregnant on your honeymoon and you were both still in college, could you afford to raise a child? (I only say this because no methodof birth control is foolproof.)