A little unusual?

[NiceFella]

Hey people! I realise this is probably isn't the ideal place to post this, but its the best place I could find I'd love your views on something...

Ok, there is this girl a little younger than me, she’s just turned 19, I’m 21. A year ago I asked her out because she seemed my type and very pretty, but we became best friends instead of a couple. Over the year we have become more and more close. I have never seen a situation where a boy and a girl have been so close without being a couple. We do everything together and love each others company more than anything. The thing is now I feel like we're addicted to each other, I can't go more than a few days without seeing her and its the same with her. you're probably thinking ‘why aren’t we a couple then?’ well 6 months ago we tried that but didn't feel it was right. One reason being that things quickly started to get too physical and we both knew we couldn't handle it. It came between us and God so it had to stop (we're both committed Christians).

Now and again we do kinda slip-up and kiss or hug, but we both feel that we shouldn't be a couple, it just doesn't feel 'right'. I would say I like her more than she likes me, tho we both feel a lot for each other and are still attracted to each other.

The problem is I don't know where this is going, I mean what would happen if I got a g/f or she got a b/f? we just can't be without each other. I’m mostly worried about her, she is a very 'needy' person and she does have a few personal problems (more reasons why we're not a couple). These are things she needs me to help her with, there's nobody else to do it, so I can't stop seeing her even if I wanted to (which I don't), they are issues she feels are too personal to talk to her other friends about.

Deep down I would like us to be more than friends but I can’t see this happening, she says she’s not ready for committing herself to me, but she’s had boyfriends before so I can’t help but feel that that’s just an excuse to keep me around. I don’t want us to be a couple for physical reasons, I just want to love and be loved, but surely we would know by now if we were meant to be together?

Has anyone ever seen a situation like this? how do things usually turn out? can a guy and a girl be soul mates and still see other people? Is that possible? I know it’ll be hard to comment because you don’t know either of us and how things are...

p.s. I pray about it all the time

 

[Warrior Poet]

Dude 6 months ago I could have written this post.....I have been there same age differences, same situation, same everything, and you know what when I think about it is almost the most ideal situation to be in IMO.

My friend and I got really close just like you and her things got to be a bit much and we backed off, both really like/ed each other but it was bad timming, and there were things that had to be resolved. She is at this point what I would consider the closest friend I have. An amazing girl, great christian, loves to have fun and we can do anything and everything together, and its just a blast. But neither of us are ready. I know the addiction you speak, its rough.

To answer your questions:
I have been in a situation like this.
I will have to let you know.
Yes they can, though that leaves the term soulmates open to interp, you choose who you are with some are better matches, and your best friend....she is the perfect match, know what I mean. Its possible but hard. My friend said she would date others but not sure if at that time we could hang out as much cause it would be hard on her, though she im fully aware that I can/will hangout with other girls if that oppertunity arises and when it has. She has gone out with guys before and told me about it, i didnt get mad or jealous she isnt mine and I know this, though we tend to be a tad territorial. She has a lot of school ahead of her I need to grow up some more, and finish school myself, no matter the outcome I will be there for her and vice versa if things work out later down the road so be it, if not so be it. I have had my life planned out years in advance, one thing went wrong and foiled all those plans, one day at a time, one step at a time, Im still young (or like to tell myself that) so there is no rush, Good luck NiceFella.

Warrior Poet

 

[erinm]

I guess there are more of us out there than you realized hehe.

My boyfriend and I were friends for about a year before we made the committement to eachother. For a good while it was nice to just be friends and be in eachother's company. Then feelings I guess emerged and we both felt that God was leading us into a path that he wanted us together.

As for the physical part, you should really seek Gods will and guidence for that. My boyfriend and I have decided to keep it low and not kiss until marriage--very difficult, i have to pray about it every day and every time i see him--but if that is what it takes to keep us focused on Him, then by all means, we should keep him in the center.

I completely know how you feel about how you'd feel if she got a boyfriend, i'm sure she would feel the same way if you were taken as well. I got to the point where I started asking God that if I wasn't supposed to be with my boyfriend, then he needs to get rid of this relationship, I don't know how i would cope if i saw him with someone else. the friendship that was built and that is growing over the past year or so is too much and too great to give up if we weren't meant to be with eachother. However, I can not stop praying that what we are doing is what God would want us to do. I just feel God works in ways and things will happen if it's what he wants. I consider him my bestfriend, I have confided and shared so much with him and he's done the same with me.

if she's not ready, do not rush. If you and her feel that about eachother, pray for God's direction and ask him to make it clear for you both. in his time will he reveal what his plans are for the both of you.

and as for this statement: can a guy and a girl be soul mates and still see other people? Is that possible?...I'm not sure where your going with this or what you are asking. Aren't soul mates supposed to be with eachother? i've only heard this referring to a husband and wife. IMO, dating should be done knowing you are preparing yourself for marriage. If you just want to date around, you are not ready for a committement like that (not saying that is what your statement meant).

all i can tell you is read your bible, pray and have a relationship with God. Both of you. when you are right with him, he'll be right with you.

 

[NiceFella]

Aww thanks Warrior Poet and erinm you're both a great help.

I guess Soul-mate was the wrong word, it's just best friend didn't seem to cut it

I shouldn't be asking for more really, I should be content because God's blessed me with an awesome friendship! I'm gonna be more trusting, I mean if like you both kinda said, if its in God's plan it WILL happen, and if it takes a few more years then it does.

although i've finished uni, she has only just started, so i guess this could be the reason why the timing is wrong. plus she has to spend her third year abroad, I don't know how we'll cope with that! but i know it would be much harder if we were a couple.

Hey, let me know how things go in you're relationships eh?

you're great, God bless you lots,
NiceFella

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I can help with the abroad thing. I was in your boat a few years ago. My best friend and I had grown really close towards the end of high school, but neither of us wanted a bf/gf relationship, as we had both just come through really hard and bad break ups. Well I had been told by lots of people that a long distance relationship would never work out, so we resigned ourselves to being just friends. God had different plans for us. Though we were separated by several countries and an ocean, he went into the NAVY and was stationed in Japan for the past 4 years, while I stayed home and went to college, God worked in both of our hearts. We realised that God wanted us together, even though most of the time neither one of us could see why. You know the saying, "opposites attract"? Well that is us. I am Miss Intellectual and he is Mr. Sports/Manual laborer. He is the kind of guy that none of my friends ever pictured me marrying. Anyway, my point is be there for her, pray for her, pray for yourself, and pray for God's will. That is what Jay and I did, and after 8 years of great friendship, God opened the door for becoming engaged and then after 2 years, he joined us as man and wife. Please know that I will be praying for you.

 

[erinm]

are you two saying that you can have a soulmate, but not be with that person? When I am married, my best friend is going to be my husband, and I hope that I would be his. letting the opposite sex become so close and intimate--which if you are that good of friends and you love her you already are--can become complicated when each of you get married. It seems like it would be hard to have such a great friend that is the opposite sex because if you fought with your spouse or something happened, then you'd want to receive comfort from your friend. That can open the doors to not so good temptations.
this is all hypothetical, but do you see what the point is? you just have to be very careful when you look at the soulmate, but not married to them idea. I think it would be hard.

 

[NiceFella]

That’s encouraging thanks Pegasus!

Erinm, I can see that there is a possible downside to this close friendship, if things are forced to change because one of us gets a partner it will be hard on one or both of us. That’s why I sent my post, to see what happens when it does go wrong as well as when it goes right, so I can make the best decision.

And you’re point as to what would happen if we remained as close during a relationship with another person is a very good one.

I also can see that however close we are as friends, once one of us does gets into a proper relationship, our friendship won’t match that of two people who are in love and want to marry.

I guess the wise thing to do might be to put away all thoughts of us maybe becoming more and trying to create more space between us. This would be hard though because her company is far more appealing than that of any of my other friends.

Thanks for your thoughts

 

[Warrior Poet]

I too can see the her point, but you know it begs the thought that if this guy isnt right for her, if you being her bestfriend and knowing more about her then this guy does, to stop the wedding..."If anyone objects to this union speak now or forever hold yor piece" You stand up and speak from your heart, spill your guts to her....." I have been your best friend up to this point and wether you walk back down the isle take my hand and leave with me or put his ring on your finger I will love and care about you more then anyone will ever know.........and never stop being your bestfriend"

Now thats what I am talking about.

Warrior Poet

 

[erinm]

i see your point...I wasn't thinking about it that way. for some reason i thought the latter. in that case, that shouldn't be a problem

 

[NiceFella]

A nice thought Warrior Poet

 

[erinm]

nicefella,

You are doing good by coming to get some advise. It's a hard position to be in. let me ask you this: do you and your friend love eachother, but feel you aren't compatable in a relationship? If space is what you feel you need from eachother, then do it. but first pray about it and see where God wants your lives to go. This is a hard one, I wish you the best with everything and may God bless each of you whether it's together or seperatley.

God speed!

 

[NiceFella]

Ok I’m gonna be brutally honest with myself and you guy’s, here goes…

As to weather we’re compatible, well in some ways we’re very similar, in some ways we’re opposite. Things weren’t perfect when we were a couple, but I think most of that was due to the nagging feelings she had about us not being right for each other which made us both ‘scared’ to love one another. When we’re just friends we get on great.

As to weather we’re in love? As much as i’d love to say yes, no i don’t think we are :-( Saying that, we certainly love each other very much in the other kinda way, and we tell each other so. If something hurts one of us, it hurts the other more. It’s a very strong, caring love but its not the ‘romantic’ kinda love you mean.

I’ve said before I’m not sure I can see things working out as a couple, I have doubts about that as well as she does. But my concerns are if we remain this close even if we were sure we couldn’t be a couple, is that asking to be hurt later on? And thinking about it, God is the only one who can answer that, Because He’s the only one with the plans

 

[JahRawks]

Hey man, I understand where your coming from, a couple of years back, I had a girl who I was best friends with, and who knew more about me than any other person that I knew at that point, I swore up and down to myself that her and I would be together forever, despite our age difference, she's almost 4 years older than I am, and being the naive 16 year old that I was, I kept flirting with her, and I treated the relationship as more of a "friends with privilages(sp?)" type of a relationship, though we never kissed, we hugged, and touched each other quite a bit, when she finally got a boyfriend though, man did that hurt, there were so many problems it's not even funny, but from the flipside, I'm glad she got that boyfriend, looking back now, we weren't as compatible as I thought we were, but yeah, if you stay this close with her, and she finds a partner, will it hurt, most likely, will you get over it, probably, will you still love her, definately as a friend, I still love and care about her, though we're not as close as we used to be, I still care about what's going on in her life, and it doesn't hurt anymore, I've moved on, it's not as hard as I thought it would be. Anyway, enough of my babbling, I pray God's blessing over your friendship/relationship with this gal, and I pray God will guide both of you with how to deal with your current situation. God Bless and Good luck-
Nathan

 

[erinm]

agreed, God is the only one who can answer our questions. I'm not sure if you could find this in the bible, but you can pray that God will reveal a certain passage and it could mean a great deal to you. i do that and the verse might not seem to anything to do with what you are searching for but honestly, God will tell you something through any verse and it couldn't hurt. that's our life's handbook and God is our teacher. always ask him the questions and he'll answer them for us.

 

[evita]

This is a hard place to be in, and actually one of my friends is kind of going through something similar now...I guess I don't know what to tell you except wait it out? I know that's a hard thing to do, but maybe eventually you will be able to get together, etc. I have heard of people getting engaged when they haven't even dated, but were just best friends, but I don't know...that might take years to get there. It will be hard if either of you start dating, so I don't know what to suggest. I mean you have at least two options with that, you can either protect your heart and then stop hanging out with her, or you can keep on getting closer/staying this close with her and chance the heartache that may come if she finds someone else. I wish and pray for your best and God's will.