A Husband's Personal Checklist

[GirlieGirl]

Another article for you. I'll post a few of the check points and let you go to the website if you want to read all of them http://crosswalk.com/family/marriage/776236.html

A Husband's Personal Checklist
Dr. Don Dunlap
Pastoral Counselor

Are you interested in examining a checklist of ways that husbands typically offend their wives? In this article, Dr. Don Dunlap encourages men who find it hard to identify specific ways that they offend their wives, to read through the list carefully and prayerfully.

Listed below are some of the offenses that husbands typically commit against their wives. As you read through this list you may wish to check any of these offenses that apply to you.

___ 1. Ignoring her

___ 2. Not valuing her opinions

___ 3. Paying other people more attention than I pay her

___ 4. Not listening to her or not understanding what she feels is important

___ 5. Closing her out by not talking to her or by not listening to her (the Silent Treatment)

___ 6. Being easily distracted when she’s trying to talk

___ 7. Not scheduling special time to be with her

___ 8. Not being open to talk about things that I don’t understand

___ 9. Not being open to talk about things that she doesn’t understand

___ 10. Not giving her a chance to fully voice her opinion on decisions that affect the entire family

___ 11. Punishing her by being angry or silent

___ 12. Making jokes about certain aspects of her life

___ 13. Making sarcastic comments about her

___ 14. Insulting her in front of other people

___ 15. Coming back at her with quick retorts when we are arguing

___ 16. Giving harsh admonitions

___ 17. Using careless words before I think through how they will affect her

___ 18. Nagging her and speaking harshly

___ 19. Correcting her before giving her a chance to fully explain a situation

___ 20. Raising my voice at her

___ 21. Making critical comments that seem to have no logical basis

___ 22. Swearing or using foul language in her presence

___ 23. Correcting her in public

___ 24. Being tactless when pointing out her weaknesses or “blind spots”

___ 25. Reminding her angrily that I warned her not to do something

I think this is a good check list for wives too. Reading a few of these tugs at my own heart.

 

[isaiah5213]

lol!!! oh my goodness!! i had a total meltdown this morning, over "you are not listening to me"... lol!!!

and he says "how?" and i can't explain....i look thru this list, tho, and i, like you, see i have a long way to go..because i am not listening to him either..

sign me:

discouraged the job's not done right...

 

[isaiah5213]

pc or forum was messing up earlier--i have no idea which.. so mine was a double post, w/jenna's inbetween... whoops.

 

[Jenna]

I think that wives should take the list to heart also. I think that as we are the more emotional creatures many times, we forget that we do the same things to our men at times.

 

[desi]

Checklists in marriage are prelude to divorce. Accept your spouse and look to what they do right and praise them for it instead of assigning blame for what you PERCEIVE as being wrong.

 

[Cordy]

Checklists in marriage are prelude to divorce. Accept your spouse and look to what they do right and praise them for it instead of assigning blame for what you PERCEIVE as being wrong.

Did I miss something? Does it say, go and blame a your spouse if they don’t comply with this list or tell them how wrong you think they are? No, it is a checklist for how you treat the other - checking that you are being a good to your spouse, not whether your spouse is being good to you. It is introspection, not judgement toward others. I think this is a good idea. I think we should be willing to analyse our behaviour toward others and change the ways we act which are wrong or offensive.

 

[Jenna]

I do have to say though that many people are not good at taking inventory of a situation when they start dwelling on what they view as wrongs that were committed against them by their spouse. It is real easy to let these things spread a poison through a person's heart, which tears at the one-flesh relationship. I'm not saying that a person should not be aware of where their spouse struggles, but that if real inventory is being taken it should probably be of the one person whose actions you can control..... yourself. If we are looking for real good examples of what is the proper heart condition and actions of a husband, the bible is stuffed full of them. Isn't that just wonderful?

 

[Cordy]

but that if real inventory is being taken it should probably be of the one person whose actions you can control..... yourself.

Exactly! Isn't that what the post is saying? Checklist how you yourself are acting? The website also says that after you are done this, and prayerfully discover the ways you think you might have hurt or wronged your spouse, you should go to them and ask forgiveness. Clearly, this is about examining and changing yourself, not others.

 

[Jenna]

Yuppers.

 

[GirlieGirl]

Desi, stop being so negative. In examples like this, we can choose to see how something can be edifying or we can choose to cast the negativity in ourselves onto it.

 

[bshaw96]

I have actually seen a list like this before, and it is so true. There is also a version for women and how they can build up their husbands or tear them down. I found it very helpful and am trying my best to be a more Godly wife. I am asking God to make me the wife my husband needs in every way (spiritual, emotional, and physical). I find when I do this, I have less time to concentrate on his "faults". Plus, a bonus, it seems to be opening him up and making him more responsive/loving to me in return . I wasted way to much time trying to fix my husband instead of fixing myself and leaving him to God. Definitely much easier God's way .

 

[SkyeBlue8]

MBams,
I totally agree with you. This list is not in any way "blaming the other for being wrong" or anything like that. This kind of thing builds up marriages. They are neccessary! Only when we acknowlegde things can we change them, and this is one way to be unselfish and change yourself, for your spouse.