A half truth and a bad thought in a dating relationship

[EtainSkirata]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

 

[childeye 2]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

Your experiencing a want to hurt him for a moment is probably just a competitive spirit wanting to win the play fight and for a moment you saw an advantage. I wouldn't worry about it.

 

[EtainSkirata]

Your experiencing a want to hurt him for a moment is probably just a competitive spirit wanting to win the play fight and for a moment you saw an advantage. I wouldn't worry about it.

No, it wasn't that, it was an actual desire, albeit brief, to cause him pain. I'm appalled at it, to be honest, and I feel wretched, both for the thought and now for this half-lie.

 

[childeye 2]

No, it wasn't that, it was an actual desire, albeit brief, to cause him pain. I'm appalled at it, to be honest, and I feel wretched, both for the thought and now for this half-lie.

In my experience we don't decide what to think, we just experience thoughts and decide what to believe.

I can understand why you would be appalled. I think we sometimes have too high of an opinion of ourselves and need a reminder that we are capable of cruelty. I'm saying that we tend to take God/goodness for granted. So, if you think that may be what's happening, you might consider thanking God that you also thought to let go.

 

[timf]

If you had been walking with him on a cliff and you had a momentary thought that you wanted to jump off, it might not be a good idea to share every thought you have. Thoughts may pop up from within us, be random, or even have a Satanic origin. Consider only sharing that which will edify.

2Co 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

 

[com7fy8]

play-fighting.

I would say we should not pretend to do what we should not be doing. In this case, your playing has led to these problems you are talking about; this could mean it was something you should not have done. Be gentle, instead, and kind. Don't feel like being quiet and kind and gentle is boring; loving is not at all boring!

 

[Llleopard]

Many many people (over 90% I think)have occasional, random 'intrusive thoughts', some of which can be violent, or distressing because they are the opposite of your usual character and desires. There's no need to beat yourself up about it - it's just a normal brain quirk without any underlying deep meaning. If you start getting intrusive thoughts often, like multiple times a day and they are getting so that it interferes with your job or daily life, or you begin to have to fight the thoughts so you don't act them out,then it's time to see a Dr who can help.
Re not telling about it....every now and then when I'm tired, i get intrusive thoughts about my disabled husband, like, ' 'I could pretend to not hear you ask for help, and you'd have to crawl and do it yourself, which would hurt you. Good.' They are just mind rubbish which I would never act on for more than half of one second, and I don't think I need to tell him about it - it wouldn't help either of us! I just sort it with God and move on.

 

[SANTOSO]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

I think you should consider his response ! “And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.”

He didn’t want you to blame yourself for it, that means that he considered your thoughts and love you.

So you should repent and take heart of his love.

For we heard:
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

So don’t meditate or think the wrong things but think or set your mind on the good things.

Selah.

 

[Jan14]

Sunday afternoon my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I grabbed his thumb, the thumb I knew he'd hurt a month or so back. And then I remembered his thumb would hurt if i did that, and for one second I had the thought of WANTING to hurt his thumb and I pulled on it, and then I let go of his hands instead because after that second I didn't want to hurt him.
But then he mentioned later that my actions had made him aware of needing to be careful, and that he'd had the thought of "I need to get her to let go."

I've been distraught over this the rest of the weekend, because of that one second of WANTING to hurt him and briefly acting on it. So finally I called him and told him I was worried I had hurt his thumb, but I didn't tell him about my bad thoughts I'd had about wanting to hurt him. And he said that it literally hadn't hurt at all, he had just been made aware he had to be careful.

The issue at hand:
I feel as though I lied to him though by not telling him why I was worried about it--I mean, I was scared that I had deliberately caused him pain, but he thinks I'm scared I caused him pain in general/by accident. I just didn't think telling him about my bad thought was a good idea.

I'm aware now that I didn't physically hurt his thumb at all, but I'm also now aware of a sort of lie in our relationship.

Can someone please help me? I'm drowning in this.

 

[Jan14]

Pray and ask for forgiveness and for understanding of why you felt this way. Had he hurt you before? Seek forgiveness of yourself to.