A disturbing trend...

[needingchange]

Hey, Im only new to this kind of thing, but whats I have noticed from reading through thread after thread is that people are actually looking for an 'out' so quickly.

Has anyone heard of councelling? What about love?

Why must we seek to flee when things get 'tough'?

Im sorry, I know there are many situations where you must flee due to a dangerous habitat, etc. Im not saying that you MUST NOT leave each other. Lets at least be serious, marriage is a 2 person job, one cannot do without the other, both parties must put in their absolute best. We are all human and stuff up from time to time.

What ever happened to commitment? What has happened to vows before God?

With all the help and education avaliable, things should be getting better, not worse.

Ive ridden the ride and paid my fares, wouldnt anyoe rather be together for life with a person thathas gone through the gauntlet with you and come out stronger?

Thoughts?

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Sure, but it doesn't always work out that way. Plus.. some of us are quick to divorce, and some of us are not and have been cracking away at if a very long time. It does take two and I agree that everyone should give it their best. It shouldn't be a decision made in haste.

Ideally marriage would be a life long commitment. I don't know about you and if you've been married.. but i must say that once you start living your life, you quickly lose your ideals. People are just not willing to be miserable most of their lives anymore... regardless if ideally marriage is for life.

HB

 

[DZoolander]

Quite honestly - I'm probably guilty of advising people to "get out" most of the time.

I guess the reason I do so is because - based upon my experience with people - people rarely start to really complain and think about divorce until they've already tried all of those other things.

When I went through a divorce years and years ago - the word "divorce" did not leave my mouth until I had really tried to fix things (to no avail). If I had come on to some sort of internet forum posting my frustrations with her - I can guarantee there would have been a bit of back story to it. It would probably be the last step before I actually did it.

I simply cannot envision anyone saying "Well, things have been rough for a little while, I haven't tried to fix it, but I want a divorce". Ya know? Every case I know where people have gotten divorced - it's been a long thought out painstaking process filled with lots of effort and tons of doubt if it's right or not.

I assume it's the same with these people - and the last thing they need to hear me saying during their time of turmoil and understandable disappointment is "well, have you thought about counseling?" What kind of person wouldn't have thought about that? It's not some great secret - that only a few know about. I also won't give them talk about commitment. Odds are they've already thought about that themselves - and the last thing they need is some third party who doesn't know the pain they're going through lambasting them or making them feel like they lack commitment. Most likely - they agonize about that already - and the only reason they're asking is because it sucks so bad that the commitment part is losing it's luster.

Maybe I take too much for granted...but...I've never met a person who got divorced for shallow or stupid reasons - or did it happily. That's why I am normally supportive of their decision to leave. I trust their judgment.

 

[DZoolander]

...and a last thought...

Ive ridden the ride and paid my fares, wouldnt anyoe rather be together for life with a person thathas gone through the gauntlet with you and come out stronger?

Most often - people don't approach divorce because "things suck - and I want out". Usually, it's "what you are doing to me sucks" or "how you choose to treat me sucks". I've always believed that relationships can withstand any pressure - provided you're going through it together.

For richer, for poorer...in sickness and in health...together.

What I did not (nor do I believe anyone else) sign up for is to subject myself to unfair treatment by *you*. No. I wouldn't want to go through the fire, when you're choosing to bring the fire on me. I don't think that anyone stands as a better person for having run the gauntlet imposed BY their spouse.

....and that's usually what we're talking about. It isn't that they can't find a way to work through the finances (or whatever issue it may be) as a team. It's that one partner isn't part of the team - and the other eventually has to come to a point where they say "enough, I'm not going to be the sole person on this team in spite of you".

Ya know?

 

[akeng]

Things are getting worse because society panders to poor behavior, society creates a sense of entitlement that is out of line with how God created man and woman and men and womens roles in a relationship.

Hey, Im only new to this kind of thing, but whats I have noticed from reading through thread after thread is that people are actually looking for an 'out' so quickly.

Has anyone heard of councelling? What about love?

Why must we seek to flee when things get 'tough'?

Im sorry, I know there are many situations where you must flee due to a dangerous habitat, etc. Im not saying that you MUST NOT leave each other. Lets at least be serious, marriage is a 2 person job, one cannot do without the other, both parties must put in their absolute best. We are all human and stuff up from time to time.

What ever happened to commitment? What has happened to vows before God?

With all the help and education avaliable, things should be getting better, not worse.

Ive ridden the ride and paid my fares, wouldnt anyoe rather be together for life with a person thathas gone through the gauntlet with you and come out stronger?

Thoughts?

 

[hisbloodformysins]

If both people took their marital responsibilities seriously according to God's will... then there wouldn't be as much divorce. Like EZ said, divorce is usually the last resort.. not the first resolution.

 

[thenewct2009]

If both people took their marital responsibilities seriously according to God's will... then there wouldn't be as much divorce. Like EZ said, divorce is usually the last resort.. not the first resolution.

Exactly!

 

[~Lynz~]

Hey, Im only new to this kind of thing, but whats I have noticed from reading through thread after thread is that people are actually looking for an 'out' so quickly.

Has anyone heard of councelling? What about love?

Why must we seek to flee when things get 'tough'?

Im sorry, I know there are many situations where you must flee due to a dangerous habitat, etc. Im not saying that you MUST NOT leave each other. Lets at least be serious, marriage is a 2 person job, one cannot do without the other, both parties must put in their absolute best. We are all human and stuff up from time to time.

What ever happened to commitment? What has happened to vows before God?

With all the help and education avaliable, things should be getting better, not worse.

Ive ridden the ride and paid my fares, wouldnt anyoe rather be together for life with a person thathas gone through the gauntlet with you and come out stronger?

Thoughts?

all questions i would ask my ex husbad but he walked out so i want rid asap

he stoped loving me so that was out he didnt mean the vows he made as he was cheating on me and he made me feel more insginificant than a flee.

i spent the last 6 months of my marrage holding it together by my fingernails i done ever single thing i could.

i even crawled about the house when 8 months pregnant with a suspected clot in th elung to clean up all his mess to make him happy and a day later he walked out.

i was only married 10 month and its 10 months of my life i wasted and now ill prob spend the next 10 months atleast beeing married to some one i hate.

i couldnt have done any more but he couldnt care less.

it take 2 to make a marrage but if one person doesnt want to work on it then why should the other be beaten and brused emotionally because of it?

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I think far too many happen without everything being done. Not everyone will try counseling. Some people (even here on CF) cite their reasons for wanting to divorce because they no longer love their spouse. They actually think that once the feelings change the answer is divorce! I think it is very common for couples to let years go by while they neglect their marriage because of work and kids, start to really dislike some of the things going on in their marriage and do nothing about it until they are at a breaking point. By then there is so much resentment that they either don't want to do counseling or just can't work past all the baggage.

Churches can do so much to change this tragedy by making marriage enrichment classes a regular offering at church and requiring thorough preparation and instruction before the marriage ever takes place.

Some people are good liars and adept at hiding things and even if you do what you're supposed to do, they is no fixing it. Until you meet someone with a personality disorder you just can't imagine what that is like. My ex never said a harsh word to me in more than 2 years of dating, but the cuss words started flowing soon after we were married. I don't know how someone holds back like that for 2 years, but I still admit there were red flags I thought were irrelevant once he told me he had accepted Christ. Wrong!

 

[jpcedotal]

I believe marriage is for life.....but I have a hard time practicing it.


Been married and divorced 3 times.