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A 4 year old lying, How do you deal with it, without spanking?
- Thread starter CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN
- Start date
Redirection..And if you rarely yell?A raised voice to get their attention if need be.With statements such as that is not right.Sometimes children act out simply to get attention.
And the over arching point in my view is how you react to them will teach them how to behave themselves in the future.
And the over arching point in my view is how you react to them will teach them how to behave themselves in the future.
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gracefulone1980
Give thanks with a grateful heart.
My tone of voice changes and I explain how lying is not acceptable. That if they lie to me I will not always be able to believe them when they tell the truth.
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I think thats appropriate spanking is not..In the future if in doubt again you can link the history as in Im not sure I can trust you you have fibbed in the past.But I will extend my trust again do not let me down.Not in a sense you will punish them but their dishonesty will hurt you .I think most children have a sense of empathy by 4.And would not want to deliberately hurt you or be seen as "bad" by their parents.I think if they do letting them know they have is far more of a lesson than capital punishment.I think childrens one of them anyway main desire is acceptance and approval by parents the ones that love them or parental figures..They need time to learn what that means and entails.Not a swift kick in the pants.I think children even young ones need time to figure it all out .And of course that takes enormous patience on the adults.That only years later a child appreciates.
Good luck
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Oh and dont forget gratitude if they tell the truth .Even if its not the best news and there are some consequences.Rewards for not lying or lets say apprecition with consequences for the lie..Its a mixed bag.
Children need to be allowed to make mistakes without being branded same as adults.But not enabled at the same time.Its a fine line to walk I know.
Children need to be allowed to make mistakes without being branded same as adults.But not enabled at the same time.Its a fine line to walk I know.
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ex-pat
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At four, children lie because they are just beginning to understand that actions have consequences. They need to be taught that telling a lie is an action that has a consequence. (Read the Boy Who Cried Wolf, explain about lies, Berenstain Bears and the Truth, etc. ) Reward them for telling the truth, and don't set up a situation where they can easily lie. ("Did you break that???" when you know they did sets up a fear/shame response that leads to a quick...maybe they don't know I did it, and I won't get in trouble if I say no) Rather try always being calm and saying "How did you break the lamp?" ONLY do that if you KNOW the child did it, after all, if it was the cat and the child is blamed, there's going to be a meltdown. Praise the child for telling the truth, and stress that we need to tell the truth...and make sure that you always tell the truth. Don't say things that simply are not true. I've heard parents lie dropping off their kids to school, lie about why they were late for church, lie about their children's motivation for things, even make threats..."If you don't stay in bed the monster under it will grab your ankles" (seriously!!!) Above all say that lying does not make the truth go away, and that it is better to confess whatever the small sin is, and then to help the child put it right. (I'm glad you told me you were the one who broke grandma's tea cup. Let's go and apologize to her and then we'll take some money out of your bank and go get grandma a new tea cup.)
Praise the child for telling the truth, and stress that we need to tell the truth...and make sure that you always tell the truth. Don't say things that simply are not true. I've heard parents lie dropping off their kids to school, lie about why they were late for church, lie about their children's motivation for things, even make threats..."If you don't stay in bed the monster under it will grab your ankles" (seriously!!!) Above all say that lying does not make the truth go away, and that it is better to confess whatever the small sin is, and then to help the child put it right. (I'm glad you told me you were the one who broke grandma's tea cup. Let's go and apologize to her and then we'll take some money out of your bank and go get grandma a new tea cup.)
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