4 year old freakouts.. what can I do!!?

[ShadowsChild]

My 4 year old is driving me crazy.. and I mean that literly.
We have had a lot of upheavel in our lives recently: lost home, living with cousins I barely know and she had never met, Daddy living elsewhere etc, etc. And because of all the stress she has been actiong out insanely.
Throwing herself against things, biting me to the point of drawing blood, refusing to eat to the point of losing weight.
Personally, it is not only driving me nutty, but scaring the crap outta me too! I have no idea what to do for her. I have even thought about sending her to live with my mom until things become more settled for us. I worry for her.. and often wonder if 4 years old is too young to see some sort of help because I can't figure out how to get through to her. i realize I need to be patient because most (if not all) of the way she is acting is because of the stress and uncertainty of our situation. But really, I can only handle so much, especially since it is just me and Daddy doesn't get to see her except for maybe once or twice a week for a few hours at a public place.

Any advice would be amazing.. I want my little girl back to the happy, healthy beauty that she was.

 

[Everlasting33]

I am sorry to hear of this. Yes, it certainly sounds like all this stress is causing her much pain. Are you able to afford a child psychologist? Being able to connect with a professional may really help.

 

[ex-pat]

Talk to your paediatrician...four years old is not too young to see a therapist, and many medical insurance policies do cover it if there is a referral from a paediatrician.

Have you read her age-appropriate books on divorce (if this is about divorce, and Daddy isn't living elsewhere for other reasons)? I understand there are even books written for pre-schoolers that cover a loss of home...perhaps your paediatrician can recommend them if you cannot afford a therapist.

I know this is basic, but have you told her, gently, and on eye-level with her that it's OK to feel angry, and OK to cry, and you know she feels angry and sad about missing Daddy, and moving to a new home, and you even know she's scared and confused when she sees that Mommy is unhappy, but all the same she is old enough to know that she can't kick, hit, bite, scream all the time. Tell her that she can always come to talk to you, and that she can also talk to God about it. Repeat this often, in as quiet and gentle a tone as you can manage.

If the situation was caused by Daddy leaving, give a quiet look around...is your daughter hearing everyone around her being angry with her father? Children hear waaaaaaay more than most adults realize, and she may be acting out in part because her "new" family tell her or let her hear bad things about her father.

As for the not eating properly, again, talk to her paediatrician...he may be able to suggest healthy foods that don't look like "food"...things like a peanut butter and banana milkshake that tastes like a treat to a child. Fruit and yoghurt smoothies can also be made, and chocolate-milk tasting children's nutritional supplements (similar to Boost) can often be sneaked into her diet without her realizing they are "food".

Prayers for you, and your daughter. It's hard this time of year, especially.

 

[zaksmummy]

Just keep telling her that you love her, that your break up is not her fault and that both you and her dad love her very much. It would be good if her dad could tell her the same things as well.

Dont send her to your mums, she needs you - she is hurt and confused by the changes, sending her away from you would be like another rejection, and what she needs is love, reassurance and you giving it to her.

But she still needs discipline when she steps out of line.

On the eating side of things, find a few things she will eat. For example my son went through a stage of refusing food, but he'd eat fish fingers, boiled potatoes and carrots, so for a couple of weeks that is what I gave him every evening (he was at school and ate there in the day), then slowly reintroduced other foods. Dont force her to eat though. But if you can see that she is losing weight take her to a doctor, psychological distress and depression in children is very underrated, she may need extra help.

 

[ShadowsChild]

Thanks everyone
I will make a few changes and see how things go from there. If it doesn't start to settle down soon, I will try to get in to see her doctor.

Will try to keep reassuring her. I just someone would tell me it is going to be okay. I was a wild child, and I am scared that she is starting her "wild years" a little early!

 

[talktopaul]

Sounds like you're a very caring and loving mum. I know I can't really say this but I will anyway - it's going to be okay!!!!

 

[epiclesis]

It sounds like a LOT of stuff happening in her life for someone who is only four years old.

The FIRST thing I would do is to make sure she had some place to get lots of energy out. I see you're in Canada, so it's probably unlikely that she can go outside and run around - but maybe there's something in your area that she could do for fun and an outlet for all her little emotions.

I'm personally not for therapy for stuff like this without exhausting lots of options first ... I would try other things first, but that's just me.