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31 going on 13!

ladyinwaiting16

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Well my story starts like this I had failed 4th grade and had to repeat school, so in my sixth grade year my parents pulled me out of my school and sent me to another school where I passed 6th grade with the help of the cool teacher. When we moved back to the area where i was from my mother did not want to send me to the high school. So I was sent to a private church academy, where we wore a uniform of Skirts to the shins.

I was thirteen naive, thought the boy was so cute and that he was in love with me. Until one day I was trying to get into our clasroom, my friend held the door shut so I could not get in. He came up behind me and touched and fondled me. I sorta of let it go for that day and did not say anything to anyone. It continued and grew to be more fondling other private areas, all of this happening under the eye of the teacher. It increased to him shoving me in the girls bathroom of the church and more fondling, this continued for my 7th and 8th grade years.

I was taken out of the school and sent to public high school to repeat my 8th grade. It was there at the high school was tormented and had my skirt flipped in the air by the older guys. The school realized I shouls be in 9th grade so i was switched to the right class. My mother took me to a doctor wondering what was wrong after one day that I still can not remember what happened emotionally. He told her to get me out of thta school now before i had a nervous breakdown.

My parents moved to another county where i finished my high school years. I did have another older gentleman that also loved to fondle me thru my last high school years that happened to be a family friend. I felt like I wamted it and searched for anything that was exactly like what had happened from any boy. But at the same time it effected me emotionally and i knew it was wrong.

I have not ever been with any guy and i am waiting for marriage, but this is effecting my life more than i thought. I am engaged to a wonderful guy, who is so loving and understanding, I thank God for him. Last evening he told me there is a 13 yr old little girl inside of me still sexually. That 13yr old hungers for sexual love and wants it, but when knowing it comes to having sex, she tells me to run and go far away as i can. I struggle with wanting the touching and feelings that comes with it even though it is outside of marriage.

I know it is wrong and I feel terrible and confess my sins every time. I had also wanted to talk to my fiance about, the conversation finally came about last evening. My fiance was very straight with me and told me i ned to talk to someone and seek some help to get over this road block. We feel it is going to affect our marriage to the point i will end up on meds over just being sexually active with my husband or even divorce.

I have started a course recently with a christian ministry working with purity. I am scared to admit my sins to my mentor for fear of being looked down upon, even though I know she would understand. I am also scared of ruining a wonderful relationship with a guy who loves me for I am and is willing to stick with me thru thick and thin.
 

Johnnz

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Relax. You have some issues to work though, but you are not about to be written off by God or most other people either.

You will have been sexually awakened earlier than normal and not in good circumstances. That made you sexually aware. Add teenage hormones and sex becomes quite desirable.

But you also have contradictory feelings about sex, your body and guys. These need working through with someone. You seemed pretty balanced from what you wrote so you don't need to be over anxious. Feeling sexual for someone you love is normal and natural. What you need to sort out is what would happen when you begin to have sex.

Feel free to PM me if you want to toss some ideas around.

John
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ladyinwaiting16

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jhe is 11 yrs older than me, and he is very awesome; he is the one that recommended me to be able to talk to other about this. I had a long discussion with a close friend I call Grandma Wanda last evening about this. She is willing to be there for me and talk issues over. She reminded of what a special guy I have in my life and how proud she is of me for overcoming as much as I have overcome so far.
 
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FaithfulWife

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ladyinwaiting16,

I would like to remind you that the Lord God of Heaven and Earth created you and created your body with sexuality. The reason I remind you of this is that you had people in your life who sexually assaulted you and you did not do anything wrong or sinful to have a reaction of enjoying it. In the context of sex within marriage, your body is specifically created TO enjoy it! Your body did exactly what it was created to do, and that is, it found the touching enjoyable. The sinful part, if there was sin, would be on the part of the people who assaulted you.

HOWEVER, speaking as a survivor myself, I can say this--it really does mess with your mind when this happens to you when you're young. The line gets so fuzzy and blurry about what is right and wrong, etc. because "well I've already had THIS happen to me so how can it be wrong to do less?" It feels very confusing! Not to mention, since your privacy boundaries were destroyed and your sexual permission was not given freely but rather TAKEN, it's hard to tell when YOU would ask someone to stop and where it would be appropriate to tell them to go ahead. This is why I agree that it's wise to speak with a mentor or professional to get a few of those things "in line" so that you can get it all figured out in your head. Once you do, you will be able to thank God and your patient, loving husband on a daily basis!

Your friend and fellow survivor,

~FaithfulWife
 
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ladyinwaiting16

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It is 18 weeks till the wedding, we have limited any physical contact to kiss, hug and holding hands. I am going thru a course to deal with issues that have stemmed from the abuse. I have come to realize I craved sexual attention from what happened, but now I have to deal with it now. Also I am learning that we have to deal with the emtional wounds that was created, one of things to do was to forgive the other person and my self. I forgave the other person, but not myself.
 
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saray

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Hon i know this is hard for you. what this person did was awful. its natural for you to be so confused. especially when you didnt really know very much about sex at the time. sometimes getting that kind of attention can seem good as a kid because you dont have very much experience in life.maybe you saw it as a replacement for the attention you should have been receiving at home. regardless its not youre fault. if he was a family friend he knew youre situation and knew that you where vulnerable. thats what child abusers do. they find the kids who have things wrong in there lives and try to groom them into not saying anything about what they are doing to them or being so confused that they dont really know what exactly is happening to them ( i e that they are being hurt). i know how hard it is too except but i dont think you need to be forgiven. it wasnt youre fault at all. it was his. i think you are very strong to be able to forgive him and i am very proud of you as well. you have come a long way and think you are an amazing person and friend. i know howard understands too. he loves you and will do anything to help you through this. so will i. hugs.
 
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ladyinwaiting16

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I started a purity course with www.settingcaptivesfree.com, I am slowly realizing what was not my fault and what I truly need to forgive myself for. I know what happened is not my fault, but how I let the feelings control me and lead me down a path I did not want to take. I have taked with my friend and confidante and I realize that to have sex before marriage would really confuse me more and open the pandoras box so to speak. The wedding to me is a signafance of crossing over from the old to the new beginning in my life.
 
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