30 second stories.

[Alternate Carpark]

Time for some writing exercises.
Post your ultra short stories here.
Yer story has to be somehow linked to the above story, either by word or theme or a piece of String etc etc.

Into the Light.

Well it all started when I was a small lad up in a small country town 50Ks west of Bowen. I was walking to the shop and lo and behold, no wait, I was walking back from the shop and lo and behold, a five dollar note !
I ran home, bursting into the kitchen where my mother was busy making a batch of hot yak fat soup.
"It was a sign" I told my mother.
"Um no" said my bemused mother "that is a five dollar note."
"No dear mother", I cried. "It's a sign !"
Then I saw a bright light envelope me.
Mother saw her change, quickly licked a stamp onto the envelope and promptly posted me to a place far far away.
That's all I remember about that fateful day.
You see mother had earlier made a batch of her very tasty fate cookies and I had gourged myself on them.
Funny, because that's when I first started to see the bright light.
The end.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Pies.

Once there was a pie maker who used to make pies with fillings of old shoe laces.
Everyone loved his pies but didn't know they had shoe laces in them.
One day a little boy asked his mom why were shoes tied up with cow intestines.
His mother looked at him and said,"Bees aren't wasps you know !"

"Mother", asked her son, "have you forgotten to take your medication this morning ?"
"The fridge is working perfectly son", replied the mother.

Meanwhile, the pie maker was out in the country zapping cows with his latest invention which covered the cows with a radio active shoe polish.

Then a tear in the time space continumn opened up and a giant chicken appeared and shaved all the hair off of the pie maker's head.

To which the pie maker remarked, " Oh the good times are over !"
The end.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

The case of the disappearing fridges.

Detective Sergeant Harry Somewherelse of Baker Street Glee Club had found himself once again at the headquarters
of the 'Society for the preservation of cracks in rocks in extreme conditions' ,
situated 362 degrees north of the south pole.

Once again the society had ordered a new fridge to be delivered.
And once again, on their return from a hard day of tripping over in fields of snow,
they found that the fridge had disappeared, just like all the others.

Detective Somewherelse asked them a series of questions.
He had earlier asked parallel ones but had recieved a very disappointing response.

Unperturbed, he asked how to write messages on his new phone, the migratory paths of Potatoes and why wire always becomes tangled up during radio communications.

With those out of the way he went outside to look for clues regarding the missing fridge.
He disappeared and was never seen again.
The end.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Rocks

Once there was a dyslexic robot called Jonny who was convinced he was a fur seal.
He spent all his time on the rocks.
He didn't always spend all his time on the rocks.
When he first swam upon the shore and noticed the rocks he first spent time under them.
This was difficult and awkward because the mailman had all sorts of trouble finding his mailbox.
Jonny then experiemented with spending time behind the rocks.
This hightened his low self esteem so he abandoned that.
He tried being in front of the rocks, but the popcorn hitting the back of his shiny metal head caused all sorts of psychological problems.
The worst being that he had to rationaiise the fact that fur seals do not have metal heads.

Too much cerebral anguish caused Jonny to fall into catatonic state where he had the added pressure of compulsory voting to contend with.
After the revolution, he awoke and found himself on the rocks.
Jonny was now content to bask in the sun's glory and stretch his flippers and clean his whiskers.

When he finally ran out of time, he applied for a personal loan but his application was rejected because he wrote it out of sync with the frequency with the universe and the bank disappeared with Jonny inside.
The rocks lived happily ever after.
The end.

 

[FreezingRooster]

I once knew a young man whose name offended all who heard it. People didn't get to know him, or find out where he lived or what he did for a living, because after hearing his name they were so offended they upped and left.

This upset the young man until one day he died of offence when he tried to spell his name and succeded. He went to heaven and met his maker, who told him about his name.

"I put you on earth as a good soul amongst men, you could have been a great leader if your name didn't offend. I placed you on earth to test the people, to see if they are too shallow to except a beautiful person with an ugly name. Humanity failed, but you are saved."

But the young man was so gentle and such a good soul that he said "no spare them and take me as a sacrifice" God did this and the people were saved. So the moral of the story is: listen to what that man had to say.

 

[Alternate Carpark]

Tinkering Tim.

Tim was always a busy little fellow. When he was very young he would individually wash every grain of sand in the sandpit that his father built for him.
When he left home to make a life for himself he found that he had no spare time because of the busy life he had.

One day whilst driving to the store to buy more heavy duty shelving for his spare tire collection, as he glanced at his watch he veered off the road and smashed into a lamp pole.
Luckily he always drove around wrapped up in vast amounts of bubble wrap.

When he popped out of the car and stood staring at the majestic lamp pole he had an epiphany of how to create more time for himself and thus avoid the dangerous exercise of glancing at his watch whilst driving.

He designed a tire that had a built in clock, this way he would always be running on time. Tim was an old schooler and utilised mechanical clocks instead of digital ones.
He was quite proud of his achievment but sadly, this and his fanatical obsession with synchronicity, was also the means to his destruction.

As Tim was driving to the local Super Tandee shop to purchase a pair of atomic tweesers,
the alarms in all four tires went off in unison causing his car to bunny hop out of control and over a large and sheer cliff.
The car plunged into the ocean and he was never heard of again.

The end.