Are you quite sure you want to be a Christian? There will be no changing your mind once you sign up. The qualifications for becoming a Christian, and things you must know and answer are listed below. So pay attention, and get it right.
1. You must know the difference between a true Christian, a false Christian, and a double agent.
2. Never feel as though you need to be at the center of every Christian controversy.
3. When witnessing, you have to know how many drinks a drunk considers a couple.
4. You can't be afraid of heights.
5. You must have a great fear of fire; if not, purchase for yourself a large supply of fire extinguishers.
6. In case you feel your sliding back into the hands of the world, you may need to buy a Pessimete. This is an instrument which tells you how low you are.
7. You have to learn the difference between a cult, and people who love to gamble.
8. If when driving, and accidently run over an evolutionist, you must resist the urge to stop!
9. Never drive your car with the Sunday morning sermon on your lap.
10. If someone asks you a question about heaven, be sure you can name the other three popular directions.
11. On a rough guess, "How high would you say is up?"
12. Can any of the following laws be applied to being a Christian? Yes, or no will do.
A. The law of diminishing returns.
B. The law of gravity.
C. The unwritten law.
D. Boyle's law.
13. Never set your alarm clock for 10 after 10, if your church services begins at 10.
14. If witnessing in Alaska, do everything you can to reach an Eskimo with the Scriptures who is floating out to sea on an iceberg.
15. If your going to be late for service, call one of your friends and tell him to save you a seat in the back row.
15. If your not tithing the way you should, make sure when you sign the envelope no-one can make out your name.
16. If a guest pastor gives a poor sermon, throw him out on his ear; and don't forget to ask him for a refund.
Remember the above. The consequence for not knowing and doing them are, "You will decay, and then dissolve."
Written by, Phil LaSpino www.seekfirstwisdom.com
1. You must know the difference between a true Christian, a false Christian, and a double agent.
2. Never feel as though you need to be at the center of every Christian controversy.
3. When witnessing, you have to know how many drinks a drunk considers a couple.
4. You can't be afraid of heights.
5. You must have a great fear of fire; if not, purchase for yourself a large supply of fire extinguishers.
6. In case you feel your sliding back into the hands of the world, you may need to buy a Pessimete. This is an instrument which tells you how low you are.
7. You have to learn the difference between a cult, and people who love to gamble.
8. If when driving, and accidently run over an evolutionist, you must resist the urge to stop!
9. Never drive your car with the Sunday morning sermon on your lap.
10. If someone asks you a question about heaven, be sure you can name the other three popular directions.
11. On a rough guess, "How high would you say is up?"
12. Can any of the following laws be applied to being a Christian? Yes, or no will do.
A. The law of diminishing returns.
B. The law of gravity.
C. The unwritten law.
D. Boyle's law.
13. Never set your alarm clock for 10 after 10, if your church services begins at 10.
14. If witnessing in Alaska, do everything you can to reach an Eskimo with the Scriptures who is floating out to sea on an iceberg.
15. If your going to be late for service, call one of your friends and tell him to save you a seat in the back row.
15. If your not tithing the way you should, make sure when you sign the envelope no-one can make out your name.
16. If a guest pastor gives a poor sermon, throw him out on his ear; and don't forget to ask him for a refund.
Remember the above. The consequence for not knowing and doing them are, "You will decay, and then dissolve."
Written by, Phil LaSpino www.seekfirstwisdom.com
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