‘Walk into a bar’ jokes

[The Portuguese Baptist]

• A neutron walks into a bar and asks, ‘How much for a drink?’ The bartender replies, ‘For you, no charge.’
• The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
• Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, ‘I shall have a glass of H2O.’ The second one says, ‘I shall have a glass of H2O too.’ The second one dies.
• A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
• Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, ‘I shall have a pint’; the second one says, ‘I shall have half a pint’; the third one says, ‘I shall have a quarter of a pint’; the fourth one says, ‘I shall have an eighth of a pint’; and so on... The bartender gets two pints, puts them on the counter, and says, ‘Come on, guys! You've got to know your limits!’
• A brain walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. He replies, ‘Sorry, we cannot serve you: you are out of your head.’
• A cockroach, a rat and an ant walk into a bar. They receive strange looks from all those inside, as the bartender calls pest control.
• Bill Gates walks into a bar, and everyone inside suddenly becomes a millionaire... on average.
• The bartender replies, ‘Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.’ A neutrino walks into a bar.

Add any more you know!

 

[Thrash Metalhead]

I hope you don't mind but can you explain the 4th one please? I don't get it. :/

 

[The Portuguese Baptist]

I hope you don't mind but can you explain the 4th one please? I don't get it. :/

I suppose you don't know what ‘dyslexia’ is. It is a disorder which makes people have trouble reading and spelling. It may happen that they will swap letters, which was the point of the joke.

 

[BeStill&Know]

• A neutron walks into a bar and asks, ‘How much for a drink?’ The bartender replies, ‘For you, no charge.’
• The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
• Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, ‘I shall have a glass of H2O.’ The second one says, ‘I shall have a glass of H2O too.’ The second one dies.
• A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
• Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, ‘I shall have a pint’; the second one says, ‘I shall have half a pint’; the third one says, ‘I shall have a quarter of a pint’; the fourth one says, ‘I shall have an eighth of a pint’; and so on... The bartender gets two pints, puts them on the counter, and says, ‘Come on, guys! You've got to know your limits!’
• A brain walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. He replies, ‘Sorry, we cannot serve you: you are out of your head.’
• A cockroach, a rat and an ant walk into a bar. They receive strange looks from all those inside, as the bartender calls pest control.
• Bill Gates walks into a bar, and everyone inside suddenly becomes a millionaire... on average.
• The bartender replies, ‘Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.’ A neutrino walks into a bar.

Add any more you know!

Welcome my young friend. Enjoyed a good laugh.

 

[Thrash Metalhead]

I suppose you don't know what ‘dyslexia’ is. It is a disorder which makes people have trouble reading and spelling. It may happen that they will swap letters, which was the point of the joke.

Oh, dyslexia! Yeah, I do know what that is. I was thinking of anorexia ( I always get those 2 mixed up and I don't know why) so I got really confused with the joke. Gosh, I'm so dumb.

 

[DTate98]

• A neutron walks into a bar and asks, ‘How much for a drink?’ The bartender replies, ‘For you, no charge.’
• The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.
• Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, ‘I shall have a glass of H2O.’ The second one says, ‘I shall have a glass of H2O too.’ The second one dies.
• A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.
• Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says, ‘I shall have a pint’; the second one says, ‘I shall have half a pint’; the third one says, ‘I shall have a quarter of a pint’; the fourth one says, ‘I shall have an eighth of a pint’; and so on... The bartender gets two pints, puts them on the counter, and says, ‘Come on, guys! You've got to know your limits!’
• A brain walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. He replies, ‘Sorry, we cannot serve you: you are out of your head.’
• A cockroach, a rat and an ant walk into a bar. They receive strange looks from all those inside, as the bartender calls pest control.
• Bill Gates walks into a bar, and everyone inside suddenly becomes a millionaire... on average.
• The bartender replies, ‘Sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light.’ A neutrino walks into a bar.

Add any more you know!

A guy walks into a bar....

...

Get it? :]

 

[pgp_protector]

I once tried walking into a bar.
5 stitches later it still hurts.

 

[Wolverine!]

A piece of string walks into a bar, and the bartender says "are you String?", and he said yes, and the bartender threw him out. The piece of string walked into another bar, and the bartender said to him "are that String guy?", the piece of string said yes, and was once again thrown out.

So the piece of string walks across the street to a different bar, and get mangled by a car running him over while crossing. After the injured String walked into the next bar, the bartender said to him, "are you String?", and the piece of string said to him "no....I'm a frayed-knot".

 

[JackRT]

There are only 10 kinds of people who walk into bars --- those who understand binary math and those who don't.

 

[Lazarus Short]

I suppose you don't know what ‘dyslexia’ is. It is a disorder which makes people have trouble reading and spelling. It may happen that they will swap letters, which was the point of the joke.

With that in mind, did you hear about the insomniac, agnostic, dyslectic? He'd lie awake in bed a night wondering if there really was a...dog.

More on topic: Two crackers walked into a bar. One was a salted.