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  1. EbonNelumbo

    Slow Fade

    It’s a slow fade, when you give yourself away… Or when you dissolve into the despair in yourself. It fades pretty quickly then. Metaphorically, I am driving in an ice storm, there’s black ice everywhere, its pitch black in the dead of night and there are flurries of snow mixed with the...
  2. EbonNelumbo

    The Color Red...

    For me, it is easier to be myself than to describe the color red...now there's some insight. Have you ever tried to describe the color red? Where do you begin? This is why my outcries are misconstrued as something they are not, because it's a show of what's going on underneath.
  3. EbonNelumbo

    Porcelain Heart

    I think that's the difference in the scar tissue: that which I create and that which is created for me. If I can justify my battlewounds, then it's 'okay' so far as I am concerned, but when that control, when that control is stolen from me, like robbing an infant of it's pacifier, I have issues...
  4. EbonNelumbo

    "Do you blame God?"

    I got asked if I blame God for my miscarriage. I got asked if I blame pretty much anyone...the answer is no. I cannot assume I know anything about WHY this happened, because frankly, I am dumbfounded...I can just hold on and pray that for some glorious reason, it has occurred, and my child is...
  5. EbonNelumbo

    Stay Strong : Newsboys

    You're in the moment now A bitter root A wandering eye and then The ties that bind start wearing thin, thin You're in the moment now When all you've been blessed with Is not enough Here's where the ground gets loose Here's where the devils call your bluff Stay strong You are not lost Come on...
  6. EbonNelumbo

    It Is Well, It Is Well, With My Soul...

    I'm tired of looking at my failures. I 'should' be graduating this year, if not next, with at least ONE of my two degrees I was pursuing. But alas, half-hearted attempts always fail. I know what I SHOULD be doing...my dad is an Assemblies of God pastor!!!! *Sigh* It is well with my soul...
  7. EbonNelumbo

    Coincidentally incoincidental.

    Accidents don't 'happen.' They don't just magically occur, they are there, for a reason. Stupid, stupid, stupid...why on earth did I EVER seek him out? Why? Why, why, why, why, why???? Eloi, eloi....:cry: Good Morning Planetarium-Falling Up The fight is over now, the bright lights turned...
  8. EbonNelumbo

    Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani

    S: And now she sleeps eternally. My companion through a difficult change, I was her protector, and I failed her, I failed her horrendously. Viciously destroyed, gone, forever. RIP: April 18, 2008 VS: Almost 10 years now, she will have been gone, destroyed by the cells of her own body. No more...
  9. EbonNelumbo

    From the heavens to the womb, to the heavens again...

    The past is the past, is it not? What if, and what when, the past becomes the presence and engulfs every breath taken, every utterance stuttered, every pore of every crevice of your soul? It becomes a living hell, a walking nightmare, a living, breathing, numb but pain-letting zombie, or at...
  10. EbonNelumbo

    In Depth Explanation.

    Flipsyde. Happy Birthday...so make a wish Verse 1: Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been Would you've been a little angel or an angel of sin? Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys. Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes? I payed for the murder before they...
  11. EbonNelumbo

    Title Prohibited

    It's fading faster than I can catch it. I have sought the resources, I have done what I am "supposed" to, and still, it seeps through my fingers, as water through a sieve. Lord, help me, it's not in my control anymore. I've lost my friend to murder. I've lost my ferret to slaughter by a...
  12. EbonNelumbo

    Ellipses are my friend...

    To everyone who’s lost someone they loved, long before it was their time, you feel like the days you had were not enough, when you said goodbye, and to all other people with burdens and pains keeping you back from your life, you believe that theres nothing and there is no one who can make it...
  13. EbonNelumbo

    Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani

    Title prohibited for innumerous reasons...
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