Is remarriage after divorce adultery?

JimB · Aug 6, 2004

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5.32)

Is adultery in this verse an act or a state of being? Perpetual or a single deed?

What are your feelings about remarriage after divorce? Can a person who is divorced/remarried still serve in a position of leadership in a church? Can he/she serve as pastor/bishop? Can you support your position with scripture?

This is one of those problems in life that has really divided believers and I know there are strong feelings on all sides of the issue so I will ask that we keep cool heads in discussion this issue.

How should the church treat an innocent party (victim) in a divorce? How should you treat the guilty party (perp)? What role should discipline take? Grace? Forgiveness? Restoration? Are their limits to restoration? Grace?

What are your beliefs on this hot button item?

\o/

Asaph · Aug 6, 2004

Jim M said:
"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5.32)

Is adultery in this verse an act or a state of being? Perpetual or a single deed?

What are your feelings about remarriage after divorce? Can a person who is divorced/remarried still serve in a position of leadership in a church? Can he/she serve as pastor/bishop? Can you support your position with scripture?

This is one of those problems in life that has really divided believers and I know there are strong feelings on all sides of the issue so I will ask that we keep cool heads in discussion this issue.

How should the church treat an innocent party (victim) in a divorce? How should you treat the guilty party (perp)? What role should discipline take? Grace? Forgiveness? Restoration? Are their limits to restoration? Grace?

What are your beliefs on this hot button item?

\o/

You bet that no good lying cheating .......er.........ah..........aaacccccheem. Maybe this threads not for me to participate in....... ^_^

I've been the victim of divorce, and of the "churches" response to it, and I still don't understand it all. I'll be interested to see what yall come up with though.

Grace, Mercy, and Peace,
Asaph

JimB · Aug 6, 2004

Asaph said:
I've been the victim of divorce, and of the "churches" response to it, and I still don't understand it all. I'll be interested to see what yall come up with though.

Grace, Mercy, and Peace,
Asaph

For the record, and to be perfectly candid, so have I. Although I suffered (was victim of) a divorce almost 20 years ago, remained single for almost 10 years, met my gift from God, and remarried, I am now pastoring again. Some (a few) feel that I have no business in the pulpit and say I should resign my position immediately or suffer the consequences.

I say, Go fly a kite.

What do you say?

\o/

riverpastor · Aug 6, 2004

Would you like me to send them some string for you???

I've been faithfully married to the same beautiful wife for thirteen years.

I know, though, of the torment that the "church" has caused others because of the divorce and re-marry issue. I know a lot of pastors in the AoG (which I know you're formerly affiliated with) who will not even dare to re-marry divorced persons. I think it is more political (what will my district suuperintendent say???) than anything. (((THAT IS JUST TOTALLY OPINION, right there!)))

And that's just the lay person. I would hate to see what would happen to "leadership" in this situation. But, then again, you're not in AoG anymore either...

And I'm not bashing AoG either. Just an observation.

I would like to see what others say about this as well.

I think Mercy would have a great part to play in all of this...

JimB · Aug 6, 2004

riverpastor said:
Would you like me to send them some string for you???

I've been faithfully married to the same beautiful wife for thirteen years.

I know, though, of the torment that the "church" has caused others because of the divorce and re-marry issue. I know a lot of pastors in the AoG (which I know you're formerly affiliated with) who will not even dare to re-marry divorced persons. I think it is more political (what will my district suuperintendent say???) than anything. (((THAT IS JUST TOTALLY OPINION, right there!)))

And that's just the lay person. I would hate to see what would happen to "leadership" in this situation. But, then again, you're not in AoG anymore either...

And I'm not bashing AoG either. Just an observation.

I would like to see what others say about this as well.

I think Mercy would have a great part to play in all of this...

The AOG with whom I was a credentialed minister for nearly 30 years and pastor of four of their churches periodically debates the issue of a ministers (conditional) right to remarry after divorce. Although there is broad support for it, even IMO a majority who favor a change, it always fails at General Council. Usally, there is not enough delegates to put their vote where their mouth is to see it change. I have championed the idea since the 1970s.

I am no longer AOG because, when I decided to marry Stephanie, I was required to forfeit my credentials. I understood, and willingly forfeited them. The District Superintendent to whom I handed my letter of resignation, wept.

It has made Stephanie feel strange, though, as though she has had an infectious affect on me. She feels she has made me unworthy in the eyes of the AOG; that she is like leprosy and has made me unclean. The irony is, I know that Stephanie is Gods gift to me and yet she is the very reason I cannot serve in the AOG branch of the Kingdom (although my tithes are always welcomed). I know that the AOG does not see it that way, but I'm afraid their blanket indictment of all remarried ministers shines a bad light on them in the eyes of many.

\o/

Evangelical Pastor · Aug 6, 2004

Jesus' teaching on re-marriage,which is repeated a number of times in the Bible ,only became a problem a relatively short time ago in our society,after Ronald Reagon when he was governor of California started America's divorce revolution thus creating a great emotional need for re-marriage.

The problem is not with Jesus' teaching,designed to strongly discourage the break-up of marriages.The problem is with a society that has become gradually more and more morally perverted so that it now holds the distinction of being the most evil society in the entire history of the world.Putting it quite bluntly,if God does not very soon destroy the United States of America,we all need to gather in front of the American flag standing next to our church's pulpits and demand that God publically admit that He made a huge mistake when He destroyed Sodam.

Except in the case when the first spouse has died,or when the first spouse was previously married and thus is committing adultery by marrying a spouse never married before,re-mariages and homosexual relations are social trends designed to destroy the stability and well-being of our society.

Fortunately Jesus came up with a solution for those who can't restrain themselves and feel emotionally driven to engage in adultery -" IF YOUR RIGHT HAND CAUSES YOU TO SIN,CUT OFF YOUR RIGHT HAND."That will take care of the problem.Those who chose to marry after a divorce from a "first for both" marriage have decided to serve a different master.The wrong one.

IloveJesusMyFather3:16 · Aug 6, 2004

I think sometimes people make mistakes and Jesus wants you to be happy!! If you feel guilty, all you have to do is ask for forgiveness and then it's erased and in the past. Jesus loves you. You can't listen to a lot of things that people say even if it is said in church....because they are not perfect....they are just people and they make mistakes too. Whenever someone says something to me, even in church, I always use my own sound mind that God has given me to see if it is right or for me and you should too.
I love you. Don't worry about such silly things. Rejoice in the Lord and be happy!! and if you have a better wife now......be even happier!!!
P.S. I must be totally insane to still be married to my husband. ha ha :scratch:

Andry · Aug 6, 2004

I dare say many Christian men (if not most), have to some degree a problem or an issue with lust / inappropriate contentography. It's one of those skeletons in our closets, and most can effectively obfuscate that by their religiosity. Unfortunately, those that are divorced cannot easily hide this fact.

Isn't lusting with the eyes or the heart - whether it be fornication or adultery - pretty much the same thing as 'doing it'? And yet we can have leadership positions because 'no one' knows about it, but of course we don't want a pastor who's been divorced? :doh:

Jim, I believe your pastoring brings life to your flock. May God continue to annoint and fill you with power and authority to pastor your church. :clap:

Simon_Templar · Aug 6, 2004

This is always a hot topic

I know alot of people, friends and family who are divorced and remarried. This has a number of times been a discussion in my family. I've heard many different arguments on both sides.

My opinion is as follows. To remarry after divorce is in general adultery as Jesus said. He made the exception that in a case of fornication on the part of the other spouse. Paul makes a statement as well that seems like an exception (although it is debated) that if a christian is divorced by a non christian that they are "not bound" many beleive this means they may remarry under that circumstance.
I think that although remarriage is adultery, its not a perpetual state, necessarily. God can forgive and consecrate such a marriage, but I think this depends on the heart condition of the people involved.
I don't believe that a divorced man should be a pastor or an elder of the church simply because of the conditions paul lays out for such positions. People who hold those positions are supposed to be exemplary of christian virtue and particularly of christian family life and as such are held to a much higher standard than the rest of us. It should be noted that Paul himself did not qualify for his own standard of pastorship (and he never operated as a pastor or elder of a church). This is because part of the standard is that a man must be married to one wife in order to be qualified to be a pastor or elder. Also a man must have his household in good order.

I think a good example of this situation is David in the OT, he was a "man after God's own heart" and God forgave him all his sins, but God still forbade him from building the temple because he had too much blood on his hands. Even if we are forgiven for our sins, they sometimes still disqualify us from positions that require a higher standard.

I know this standard is hard, and the standard of remarriage is very hard (look at the disciples' response to it). But sometimes thats just the way it is... Christianity isn't the easy way, more often than not its the hard way. Thats why so few people ever take it. I don't use this standard to condemn, but I do think this is the standard of scripture, and I don't think it should be changed to suite our cultural situation.

Andry · Aug 7, 2004

Simon_Templar said:
But sometimes thats just the way it is... Christianity isn't the easy way, more often than not its the hard way. Thats why so few people ever take it. I don't use this standard to condemn, but I do think this is the standard of scripture, and I don't think it should be changed to suite our cultural situation.

Maybe a bit off the OP, but Christianity is the easy way. It's only hard when we disobey.

My yoke is easy, my burden light. God Bless.

New_Wineskin · Aug 7, 2004

Jim M said:
What are your beliefs on this hot button item?

\o/

I wouldn't doubt that some actually commit adultry . Others don't . Given those at pulpits not addressing the idea of domestic violence and offering an ear to spouses and children who are in the middle of such , for those groups to look to look down on divorce is quite showing . They show a lack of concern for the individual but only concern for their doctrines . By doing this , they side with the victimizers and against the victims . In many cases , it is obvious that marraige didn't exist in the first place .

If groups are concerned about divorce and healthy marraiges , they can start at the beginning and not be involved in marraiges that don't meet certain criteria for healthy marraiges . Groups could also have periodic meetings for married people to help the partners vent their frustrations and concerns to work things out before they do things to each other that lead to divorce . Waiting for a divorce to happen before deciding what to do with the people involved in a bad marraige appears to be closing the barn door after the animals fled .

New_Wineskin · Aug 7, 2004

Jim M said:
For the record, and to be perfectly candid, so have I. Although I suffered (was victim of) a divorce almost 20 years ago, remained single for almost 10 years, met my gift from God, and remarried, I am now pastoring again. Some (a few) feel that I have no business in the pulpit and say I should resign my position immediately or suffer the consequences.

I say, Go fly a kite.

What do you say?

\o/

I would say that , if the group that you are pastoring doesn't care about it , then fine . I take it that the people making such suggestions are not a part of the group . Is that the case ? If they are , they could always bring it up at a meeting and settle the matter now .

By suffering the consequences , it appears that these people are in the group . If not in the group , what could they do ? Sounds more like a curse to me .

JimB · Aug 7, 2004

Evangelical Pastor said:
Jesus' teaching on re-marriage,which is repeated a number of times in the Bible ,only became a problem a relatively short time ago in our society,after Ronald Reagon when he was governor of California started America's divorce revolution thus creating a great emotional need for re-marriage.

The problem is not with Jesus' teaching,designed to strongly discourage the break-up of marriages.The problem is with a society that has become gradually more and more morally perverted so that it now holds the distinction of being the most evil society in the entire history of the world.Putting it quite bluntly,if God does not very soon destroy the United States of America,we all need to gather in front of the American flag standing next to our church's pulpits and demand that God publically admit that He made a huge mistake when He destroyed Sodam.

Except in the case when the first spouse has died,or when the first spouse was previously married and thus is committing adultery by marrying a spouse never married before,re-mariages and homosexual relations are social trends designed to destroy the stability and well-being of our society.

Fortunately Jesus came up with a solution for those who can't restrain themselves and feel emotionally driven to engage in adultery -" IF YOUR RIGHT HAND CAUSES YOU TO SIN,CUT OFF YOUR RIGHT HAND."That will take care of the problem.Those who chose to marry after a divorce from a "first for both" marriage have decided to serve a different master.The wrong one.

Is these just your personal feelings or do you have some scripture to back them up? I might believe in UFOs, too, but I will need the Word to back it up.

\o/

JimB · Aug 7, 2004

Okay, since we ar drifting into the area of personal feelings and no one is offering book/chapter/verse to back up their statements, let me ask the question this way, taking the verse in the OP (Matthew 5.32) first: "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

Does this mean that if you or your ex-spouse remarries after a divorce that you commit an adulterous act (for which there is forgiveness) or that you enter into a perpetual state of adultery (for which their would be none)? What about the person you (re)marry? Are they forever condemned with you?

What about the Samaritan Woman at the Well she had had five husbands and was living in a common law state when she met Jesus. It is notable that He did not condemn her as being an immoral person, even allowing her to be the first missionary to the Samaritans, planting the seed that would one day bring a full harvest, her wicked past notwithstanding.He did not deprive her of any privileges of service in His kingdom and, apparently, wiped away all her transgressions when He forgave her sins.

Jesus (being the same yesterday, today, and forever) still does the same.

\o/

New_Wineskin · Aug 7, 2004

Jim M said:
"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."

Does this mean that if you or your ex-spouse remarries after a divorce that you commit an adulterous act (for which there is forgiveness) or that you enter into a perpetual state of adultery (for which their would be none)?

The passage states nothing for a woman divorcing their husband(s) . It also doesn't place a time limit on the action . It states nothing about the male who so divorces their wife being adultrous if they themselves marry others .

What about the person you (re)marry? Are they forever condemned with you?

Adultry involves two people . If the wife is forced to commit adultry , both she and the person that commit it are adultrous .

What about the Samaritan Woman at the Well – she had had five husbands and was living in a common law state when she met Jesus. It is notable that He did not condemn her as being an immoral person, even allowing her to be the first missionary to the Samaritans, planting the seed that would one day bring a full harvest, her wicked past notwithstanding.He did not deprive her of any privileges of service in His kingdom and, apparently, wiped away all her transgressions when He forgave her sins.

There was no mention of divorce in that passage nor that she was immoral in any way . Nor was there mention of His forgiving any trasgressions and no transgressions were mentioned . I am looking at the story as in John 4 . Since you didn't cite the passage , I assume that you meant that one .

I know that this does not help your cause . The question is ... did the Lord allow *you* to remarry after the divorce ? If He gave *you* permission , nothing else matters . If people wish to apply the Law on you and throw passages at you , it is up to you as to whether you accept what the Lord has personally given permission for you to do or accept that others consider that you disobeyed Him based on their interpretations of Scriptural Law .

Ave Maria · Aug 7, 2004

I think the condemnation of remarriage after divorce was mainly a cultural thing that was designed for the Ancient Israelis but that is just my opinion.

Duggie · Aug 7, 2004

Mathew 5:32 - "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.

Mathew 19:4-6 - "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man seperate."

Marriage is incredibly important to God for a number of reasons and I think it has a lot to do with how we approach marriage. If I am a single Christian seeking a mate then God's word clearly tells me to marry another believer. Before my wife and I got married we knew that we needed to really seek God and counsel from other more mature Christians. We Both knew that this would be for life, no matter what happens divorce, for us, was never going to be an option. Now saying all that and believing it is one thing, but when you become married it's not so straight forward and easy. Which is why we had counselling months before taking the step. Here's the bottom line; people make mistakes, it's a fact of life and the high divorce rate is proof that marriage is not always plain sailing and smooth. There's a pastor, who shall remain nameless, that I listen to on tv occasionally and he is such a incredible man of God and really blesses me when he teaches God's word. He recently got re-married and there was an absolute uproar about it. People starting judging him and ignoring him etc... Now I don't know all the details but this man loves God and it is very evident that God is really using him and blessing him. I don't know what it was that caused the divorce but I believe God will and does forgive.

I believe so strongly that if you love God with all your heart and your husband/wife loves God with all their heart then your marriage cannot fail. I truly believe that. What causes divorce? hardness of heart. Now if someone has a hardness of heart and during that time divorces their partner then at some point in their life they have to move on. If after a period of time a husband and wife cannot be reconciled then does God really think a man or woman will be able to go the rest of their lives without intimacy and companionship? I'm not conviced He does, He knows us better than we know ourselves. Mathew 5:32 came from the mouth of Jesus and He also told us not to look at another woman because we commit adultery in our hearts. If I pray forgiveness for that sin, God will forgive me. Why then won't He forgive someone who re-marries and sincerely seeks forgiveness?

JimB · Aug 7, 2004

New_Wineskin said:
There was no mention of divorce in that passage nor that she was immoral in any way . Nor was there mention of His forgiving any trasgressions and no transgressions were mentioned . I am looking at the story as in John 4 . Since you didn't cite the passage , I assume that you meant that one .

Sorry, NW. I added links to John 4 in the text paragraph. I will add references in the future.
\o/

New_Wineskin · Aug 7, 2004

Jim M said:
Sorry, NW. I added links to John 4 in the text paragraph. I will add references in the future.
\o/

No appologies needed , Jim . I personally hate references . I could have worded it in a different way . I was attempting to state that , if the story was mentioned elsewhere that had more information , I didn't find it right away . I was pretty much saying that I found the John passage in my small concordance and was too lazy to look into my exhaustive concordance for a mention of the story in the other writings called "gospels" . Sometimes they are repeated in different ways .

cactusj · Aug 7, 2004

What is the greek meaning to "husband of one wife" 1 Tim 3:2? Does this not mean "one woman man"? Many pastor's are married to one woman buttttt have mistresses thus not a one woman man. I had much rather have a pastor who had been divorced and remarried who is faithful to his wife than a pious, sneeky pharisee pastor.

Is remarriage after divorce adultery?

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