I feel like I am waiting for death

Sorry to hear of your struggles. Premonitions of death can be difficult to deal with. I will do my best to help. The default position of the word of God is Ps. 91:16 "With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Also, Ps 90:10
The length of our days is seventy years—or eighty if we are strong"

So you have a ask where is this premonition coming from? In my opinion it often comes from the devil or even if it were from God, it is not a final conclusion. Remember Isaiah prophesied to Hezekiah that he would soon die. Hezekiah fasted and the Lord added years to his life. I would guess that most Christians have had fear of death at some point in their life. I know I have. God does not give this spirit of fear, and the father of lies, the devil, sure wants you to think that your going to die early. Satan will try to convince you so much that such a thought can in the extreme be fulfilled with demonic assistance. So rather than fixate on death, why not cast down and attack the notion that you will die early?
Sometimes all it may take a simple prayer, a rebuke of the devil. I would brush up on the word of God and his promises to you in this area. Cite them out loud like Jesus did. "it is wrtten:____________. Change your confession from death to life, from despair to hope. Ps 118:17 "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done."

Here is a Christian prayer for deliverance if you feel the need.
Sometimes curses can be placed on someone and a deeper level of deliverance is needed. If this seems overwhelming to you, perhaps share with a Christian who is willing to help. Don't panic either at the thought of demonic involvement, it is not uncommon and it might not even be there anyway. The point though is to gain confidence and trust in God. To suppress and remove the fear of death and replace it with the purposes and promises of God.

Of course your problems are more than just a premonition of dying, but deal with the preminitions first, then turn to how you can look to possibilities to improve the quality of your life. Consider that yes, you are needed in the body of Christ.

I Cor 12: 21The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you.” Nor can the head say to the feet, “I do not need you.” 22On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23and the parts we consider less honorable, we treat with greater honor. And our unpresentable parts are treated with special modesty, 24whereas our presentable parts have no such need.

So even with limitations you still are in Christ, still needed, still secure that you can be on earth for God and for his purposes. Yes, I admit you have heavy burdens and obstacles to overcome, but just give the results to God and rest in Him, and continue to believe that He has a purpose for you being here.

I recall the story of Corrie ten Boom who after enduring concentration camps became an evangelist and writer. She suffered some strokes and was unable to even talk.

• "The Realization of Her "Final Assignment": Corrie’s caregivers noted that her silent bedroom eventually transformed into a powerhouse of prayer. She realized she was being kept on earth not to preach, but to intercede. She would point to photos of global missions and weep in deep prayer for them. Her continuation on earth was accepted as a final assignment to show that God is still glorified through weakness, not just strength. [1, 2]"

I like the expression in the bible about setting your face like flint (Is 50:7) That is how resolute you should be about continuing to live. From that I pray you can continue, that the Lord will help you with all your other life issues, that you can find a peace and confidence in him, that there would be help in your areas of need. God bless!

headphones777 said:

I'm 30 years old. Since I was 19, I've been in and out of mental hospitals. I suffer from an extremely irritating skin condition that causes the skin in my groin to be irritated, and I cannot heal it (no doctor has helped). Strangely enough I don't feel like I suffer from mental illness currently. I had some premonitions about dying at 30, and it's quite sad if I were to pass away now. I have barely achieved anything. I can't move forward in my life, cannot make money. I believe that even if I were to do die, I would be going to Heaven (confirmed to me by the Lord J.C.). Please pray for me, for the Lord to reveal whether or not I should live or die.

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