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Hall of Mirrors
Living in a monastery, where we share life in such a close way, can be daunting. We have different generations praying, eating, and working together. Each brings his own history, temperament, and perspective. Add to that differing political views, and it is not surprising that tensions can arise.
Love and Discernment
Jesus gave us counsels for living that are not always easy to apply. They require discernment.
For example, there are times when turning the other cheek is the right response—and times when it is not. Without discernment, even something good can be misapplied, and harm can be done. So we are asked not only to obey, but to reflect, to pause, and to seek wisdom before we act.
The Commandment of Love
There is, however, one commandment that admits of no exception:
to love God and to love others as we love ourselves.
This is not a sentimental love, nor one limited to friends or those we naturally get along with. It includes everyone—especially those who are different, difficult, or even unsettling to us. Such love is beyond our natural capacity. It can only grow in us through grace.
And yet, this commandment includes something we often overlook: we are to love others as we love ourselves. If our relationship with ourselves is marked by rejection or harshness, that will inevitably shape how we relate to others.
The Danger of Judgment
In monastic life, we encounter brothers we do not fully understand. Some remain, in a real sense, an enigma to us. We are not called to grasp everything about one another, but we are called to resist harsh and final judgments.
To label someone, to “box” them in, is to reduce them. It fixes them in our minds and closes us off from who they really are. In a deeper sense, this is a failure of love—it diminishes both the one judged and the one judging.
A Hall of Mirrors
Our community can be seen as a kind of hall of mirrors.
In others, we often encounter reflections of parts of ourselves—especially the parts we have lost touch with, or would rather not see.
What we react to most strongly in others can reveal something within us. When we reject or condemn those reflections, we may also be rejecting something in ourselves. In that sense, judgment becomes not only a lack of charity toward others, but also toward our own inner life.
Self-Knowledge and the Inner Life
This is why self-knowledge is so important. It is part of the long and often difficult journey toward genuine self-love.
In prayer, as we go deeper, we begin to see ourselves more clearly. But this deeper knowledge can only take root if we are willing to accept what we see. This includes what is sometimes called the “shadow”: those underdeveloped, wounded, or even self-destructive aspects of our lives.
As our love of God grows, we slowly gain the capacity to face these parts of ourselves. When we can name them and hold them in Christ, they begin to lose their power to harm us—or others. They are no longer hidden forces, but something we can bring into the light.
Growth in Compassion
From this comes a deeper compassion.
We begin to recognize that others are struggling as we are. Their faults no longer seem entirely foreign. We see that we are all on the same path, all in need of patience, mercy, and grace.
Community life then becomes less of a burden and more of a place of transformation.
A Choice
But this path can also be refused.
If we avoid self-knowledge, if we cling to judgment, then community easily becomes a cycle of tension and opposition. Relationships grow adversarial instead of life-giving.
The hall of mirrors then becomes a place of distortion, where we only see what confirms our judgments.
But if we accept the work—if we allow God to guide us into truth—then those same mirrors can become a place of insight, humility, and growth in love.-Br.MD
