- Mar 11, 2019
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Men Must Be Tender
To fulfill their mission, men must be attentive to their own hearts so as to hear the voice of God, as St. Joseph did. They must also be attentive to the hearts of those entrusted to them, in order to guide and protect them well. Too often, men overlook this essential aspect of their vocation as protectors because they lack tenderness and sensitivity.
What many women seem to do naturally is often difficult for men. Yet tenderness is not weakness, nor is it something unmanly. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It is a strength, though it is expressed differently in men. One clear exception is seen in fathers with infants, when tenderness often arises more spontaneously.
Jesus himself was tender, and at the same time fully and deeply a man. His leadership flowed from his ability to see each apostle as he truly was, to accept him, and yet to speak truth with strength when needed. I am 77 years old and still learning this lesson. When I am angry, I can speak the truth harshly. It seldom bears fruit, because fear eventually leads either to rebellion or to passive-aggressive behavior.
We see this principle in leadership as well. Good leaders, whose men are loyal to them, may be strict, but they are always just and caring. Men recognize this and will give their all in response. If, however, they serve out of fear, they give much less. Even what appears to be “enough” is not enough when the heart is not engaged.
The same is true in monastic life. The best abbots are those who are firm yet compassionate, who listen carefully to the needs of their brothers. This requires patience—not only with others, but with themselves. Those who take their authority seriously pay a high price, for they must continually grow in self-knowledge and charity.
When St. Paul speaks about marriage, a careful and prayerful reading shows that listening, respect, and tenderness are essential to the role of the husband. This is sometimes overlooked when isolated passages are quoted to emphasize authority or hierarchy. Such use can distort the deeper message. In truth, it is far more demanding to be a loving, attentive, and strong husband than to fall into harshness or indifference. True strength is shown not in domination, but in patient, faithful love.-BrMD
