The Marriage bed.

Carl Emerson · May 16, 2026

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Can we discuss the implications of this teaching from Paul please.

Let's consider the whole of Scripture and get a clear perspective on this important issue.

In todays society the prevailing council for teens is to co-habit before marriage yet in Acts 15 a most basic Christian requirement is to abstain from fornication.

My concern is that marriage does not somehow wipe out the consequences of fornication but defiles the marriage bed from past sin that is not confessed and forgiven.

Your discussion appreciated.

tturt · May 17, 2026

The "it's just sex" attitude prevailent today is in sharp constrast to the standard just 50 yrs ago.

Wondered when that line was first used by Hollywood - just one factor.

Carl Emerson · May 17, 2026

Has the Christian community become captive to this non-biblical trend as well ???

Does the lack of response tell a sad story?

Leviathan-at-play · May 17, 2026

Carl Emerson said:
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Can we discuss the implications of this teaching from Paul please.

Let's consider the whole of Scripture and get a clear perspective on this important issue.

In todays society the prevailing council for teens is to co-habit before marriage yet in Acts 15 a most basic Christian requirement is to abstain from fornication.

My concern is that marriage does not somehow wipe out the consequences of fornication but defiles the marriage bed from past sin that is not confessed and forgiven.

Your discussion appreciated.

Thanks for the post Carl and inciting some thought on an interesting topic.

In the Ancient Near East, it seems marriage could have come as soon as the early teens, perhaps a bit later for males, and coupled with a lack of birth control the norm would have been young families of number with strongly pair-bonded parents, blessed with youthful fire and lack of Netflix during the warm, scented evenings to further their generative efforts.

In effect, the Edenic Ideal realized and the opposite of how we’ve warped things in our current age, with marriage in the late-20s or 30s, children later, and a culture that actively provokes animosity and mistrust between the sexes, furthered by an ever increasing interpretation of the whole enterprise through a childishly patriarchal lens.

The Greek behind “undefiled” here in Heb 13:4 (ἀμίαντος) appears in the NT only four times, and in this case only within a sexual context. It suggests a spiritual and ritual purity.

To your ending concerns, myself I would hold that a Christian marriage, a one-flesh’ing, needs to be once again seen as the beginning of this return to the Edenic Ideal - sinless from the past, all-permitting in the union between husband and wife. Paul seems to be listing off some key points of wisdom here in Heb 13, so it’s clear that he too considers marriage and the sexual bond, among all, to be both the necessary foundation and highest aim of sexual behavior and trust.

Maria Billingsley · May 17, 2026

Carl Emerson said:
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Can we discuss the implications of this teaching from Paul please.

Let's consider the whole of Scripture and get a clear perspective on this important issue.

In todays society the prevailing council for teens is to co-habit before marriage yet in Acts 15 a most basic Christian requirement is to abstain from fornication.

My concern is that marriage does not somehow wipe out the consequences of fornication but defiles the marriage bed from past sin that is not confessed and forgiven.

Your discussion appreciated.

Honestly, you can not count past sexual relationships against a marriage. Unless one or both parties lied about their virginity. This is only a sin against God. Also, let's continue in honesty. The chance of that married couple never engaging in sexual relations prior to marriage is just not dealing with reality. Statistics show less than 10% are virgins.

My two cents.

Blessings.

NBB · May 17, 2026

if you are born again, you are putting dirt on your white garments, Jesus covering your soul with his grace,
unacceptable, you can't tolerate that.

Maria Billingsley · May 17, 2026

NBB said:
if you are born again, you are putting dirt on your white garments, Jesus covering your soul with his grace,
unacceptable, you can't tolerate that.

Marriage is repentance from fornication. One changes their mind from sex out of wedlock into sex in wedlock. After that , any infidelity is adultery and that is the act that defiles the marriage bed.

NBB · May 17, 2026

Maria Billingsley said:
Marriage is repentance from fornication. One changes their mind from sex out of wedlock into sex in wedlock. After that , any infidelity is adultery and that defines the marriage bed.

I would say that if a couple is really committed to marriage, they are just doing it like in the bible then,
they did it and were joined, i don't think there were any ceremony and papers etc in there. It works too i guess.

But fornication is without commitment no.

Maria Billingsley · May 17, 2026

NBB said:
I would say that if a couple is really committed to marriage, they are just doing it like in the bible then,
they did it and were joined, i don't think there were any ceremony and papers etc in there. It works too i guess.

But fornication is without commitment no.

Fornication is sex out of wedlock.

NBB · May 17, 2026

Maria Billingsley said:
Fornication is sex out of wedlock.

But who says you need a priest or the government to get married. Marriage is agreeing to stay together for life and "they will be one flesh".
Other things are just traditions or something.

Carl Emerson · May 17, 2026

Maria Billingsley said:
Honestly, you can not count past sexual relationships against a marriage. Unless one or both parties lied about their virginity. This is only a sin against God. Also, let's continue in honesty. The chance of that married couple never engaging in sexual relations prior to marriage is just not dealing with reality. Statistics show less than 10% are virgins.

My two cents.

Blessings.

OK let me be more plain as I don't think I was as clear as I could have been.

If you look at the three matters to avoid for all believers from the Jerusalem Council, they have a common element of spiritual contamination.
These are...
1. Drinking Blood (a practice that involved imbibing the living spirit in the blood which is the life carrier.)
2. Eating food dedicated to demonic entities. Such ritually dedicated offerings are not spiritually neutral.
3. Fornication as the one flesh relationship involves an illegal spiritual union that transfers demonic contamination.

So preparing for marriage needs to include repenting past promiscuity and cutting off the soul ties and renouncing demonic intrusion from such past sin.

In view of this I believe an undefiled marriage bed is not just about entering marriage as two virgins.

johansen · May 17, 2026

Carl Emerson said:
So preparing for marriage needs to include repenting past promiscuity and cutting off the soul ties and renouncing demonic intrusion from such past sin.

I have some experience with this both personally and with other women I have spent significant time interceding for.
-men don't seem to open up or ask for help.

There seems to be a wide variety of byproducts of sexual relationships that some experience and others do not, and to be quite honest i do not understand it all. many men have slept with many women and seemingly had no problems. others loose their mind.

for example about a decade ago there was a spouse swap involving potentially 3 different families, it was all pretty sudden and i met the new wife of the father of former friends of mine i hadn't spoken to in a decade. she uh, complained to me that she's been having nightmares ever since she got married. well a few years have gone by and she left him with her step son who has a daughter he sometimes brings to church but I've never met the mother.

Just last month a woman reached out to me for the first time in a year to thank me again for the intercessory prayer to cut off her soul tie. she was set free a year ago when she realized it was adultery. He was "separated" not "divorced" from his wife, and part of herself knew that but did it anyways./

One of the weirdest accounts i read of a woman asking for advice on a christian forum: her boyfriend basically dumped her because she was not spiritually intimate with him while having sex, the way his prior christian girlfriends were...

And i'm like.. woah... if he's been spiritually intimate with other christian women before you.. those women should be his wife, and you're committing adultery. in fact i've never heard of anyone talking publically about spiritual intimacy in the spiritual realm, except on twinflame subreddits. -i didn't reply to her, and i think she deleted her post.

tldr...

it is not as simple as confessing sin.
if God joined you with someone. they are your spouse. and God may expect you to forgive their adultery.

Carl Emerson · May 17, 2026

johansen said:
it is not as simple as confessing sin.
if God joined you with someone. they are your spouse. and God may expect you to forgive their adultery.

Agree... and repentance is only the beginning, renunciation is needed to deal with the spiritual consequences.

Paidiske · May 17, 2026

Carl Emerson said:
3. Fornication as the one flesh relationship involves an illegal spiritual union that transfers demonic contamination.

So preparing for marriage needs to include repenting past promiscuity and cutting off the soul ties and renouncing demonic intrusion from such past sin.

Thing is, sure, Scripture tells us to avoid fornication.

But the rest of this - "illegal spiritual union" transferring demonic contamination, soul ties - none of that is in Scripture. The idea of soul ties, for example, developed in new age thinking and has become commonly accepted by some Christians, but it's not actually Scriptural.

Aussie52 · May 17, 2026

I believe most of us enter marriage with 'baggage'. One can only ask forgiveness of God for past failures, confident that He does forgive, and move on. I agree with Paidiske, talk of the demonic and soul ties is not only unhelpful but unscriptural.

Carl Emerson · May 17, 2026

Paidiske said:
Thing is, sure, Scripture tells us to avoid fornication.

But the rest of this - "illegal spiritual union" transferring demonic contamination, soul ties - none of that is in Scripture. The idea of soul ties, for example, developed in new age thinking and has become commonly accepted by some Christians, but it's not actually Scriptural.

So for you, 'non-mention' means error.

That is very narrow given that Scripture makes it plain it is not exhaustive.

I expect if I was to tell of spectacular release from cutting off a controlling soul influence you would not be impressed and deem it 'New age' even if the Pastor involved was a notable missionary from New Zealand, credited with more than 1M converts in Columbia, who had no connection with so called New Age' at all.

Aussie52 · May 17, 2026

Carl Emerson said:
So for you, 'non-mention' means error.

That is very narrow given that Scripture makes it plain it is not exhaustive.

I expect if I was to tell of spectacular release from cutting off a controlling soul influence you would not be impressed and deem it 'New age' even if the Pastor involved was a notable missionary from New Zealand, credited with more than 1M converts in Columbia, who had no connection with so called New Age' at all.

Much that is happening in Pentecostal/Charismatic groups in 'deliverance ministry' is itself demonic.

Carl Emerson · May 17, 2026

Jeff Carr said:
I believe most of us enter marriage with 'baggage'. One can only ask forgiveness of God for past failures, confident that He does forgive, and move on. I agree with Paidiske, talk of the demonic and soul ties is not only unhelpful but unscriptural.

So the demonic is unscriptural - God help us...

Carl Emerson · May 17, 2026

Jeff Carr said:
Much that is happening in Pentecostal/Charismatic groups in 'deliverance ministry' is itself demonic.

That is a different issue - can we stay on topic.

Paidiske · May 17, 2026

Carl Emerson said:
So for you, 'non-mention' means error.

No; for me, use of a term developed in a completely incompatible belief system, imported syncretistically without examining the ways in which those belief systems are incompatible, and used as if this somehow reflects Scriptural truth, means error.

Does that mean there is never any "baggage" from various relationships (not only sexual ones)? No, of course not. But given that the idea of "soul ties" isn't really Christian at all, and is often used in really harmful ways, I'd argue we're far better off not using it. Especially better off not using it than suggesting that every person who's ever engaged in premarital sex is automatically carrying crippling emotional or spiritual baggage.

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