- Jun 12, 2023
- 139
- 121
- 41
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Here's another short story with another different protagonist.
This one's inspired by a standup joke told by Daniel Tosh.
It was the year 2015. Cody pulled his Dodge Ram 1500 into the west parking lot at Sequoyah Park, where he and his wife, Faida, were planning to picnic for lunch. Cody had cooked 4 ground Italian sausage burgers. He had also made 2 blueberry muffins for Faida, as she was eating for both herself and their upcoming son, Henry. Cody had filled 2 thermal cups with lemonlimeade (a mixture of lemonade and limeade).
Cody was 28 years old. He was average male height. He was muscular and athletic. His hair was short and dark brown. He was completely white. Cody was dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. On his feet, he wore white socks and brown cowboy boots tucked under his pant legs.
Faida was 27 years old. At this point, she was 7 months pregnant. She was firm-figured and moderately athletic. Her hair was long, straight, and very dark brown. Like her husband, she was completely white. Faida was dressed in a pale pink t-shirt and a gray sleeveless button-front maternity jumpsuit. On her feet, she wore white socks and white athletic shoes.
Cody made sure the women's restroom was available to Faida in case she needed it. He then laid out a sheet, and then sat with Faida on it. Cody got the food and drinks out of the container. He and Faida joined hands in prayer.
Faida prayed, "Lord, we thank You for the meal we're about to recieve for the nourishing of our bodies. Bless this meal, bless the hands that prepared this meal, bless the marital relationship between me and Cody. We thank You for our son growing in me. We beseech You to make him healthy in every way. We thank You for the gift of salvation brought to us by Jesus Christ. We accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. In Jesus' name we pray, amen."
"Amen," said Cody.
Cody and Faida enjoyed their meal together while talking about many different things. After they were done, Cody helped Faida to her feet, and put everything back in the truck. Cody opened the front passenger door for Faida, and let her in. Seeing that Faida was safely inside, Cody shut the door. He then went around, to the driver's side, and got in. He started the truck. Seeing that the engine was still warm, he drove out of the parking lot, and turned right, onto Cherokee Boulevard. Cody was driving at a steady 34 miles per hour, even though the speed limit was 30 miles per hour. Suddenly, a black Koenigsegg Agera RS sped up quickly behind Cody's truck, skidded to Cody's speed, and was now tailgating very dangerously close. Cody had seen it all in his rear view mirror. Faida saw it too, in the outside mirror on her side.
"What in the world?!" said Cody.
"Speeder," Faida guessed, "Now, a tailgater."
"That's a Koenigsegg Agera RS," said Cody, "Those things are expensive and fast."
"I know," said Faida.
Cody and Faida then heard the sound of a car horn honking behind them repeatedly.
"Now, what?!" said Faida, turning her head, and looking out the back window.
The driver of the Koenigsegg was honking his horn repeatedly, wanting Cody to get out of the way.
"What's his problem?" said Cody.
"I don't know," said Faida, "Let's see. The driver is a blonde white guy who appears to be in his 20s. He's got 2 women with him, in the only passenger seat, one on the other one's lap, and they look around his age."
Faida saw the Koenigsegg's driver make an obscene gesture with his left hand.
Faida's mouth dropped open. "He made the obscene gesture at us," she said.
"Maybe, he feels he's entitled, because he can afford that car," said Cody, "Or because his parents can."
"Could be," said Faida, "Jesus warned about how much easier it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter God's kingdom, and look at that guy back there; driving that car, acting all rude, and cursing at us with his hand. Now, about those 2 women with him, it seems at least one of them would tell him to stop acting the way he's acting. And, I'm also thinking he might be in a relationship with both of them."
"I hate that kind of relationship," said Cody, "I like it to be 1 man and 1 woman, just like us."
"Me too," said Faida, "Jesus said that marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman, and that's what we're doing."
"Totally," said Cody, "And I love it."
"Me too," said Faida.
The Koenigsegg's driver was still tailgating and honking his horn.
"Alright, that's it!" said Cody, "There's no one behind him, so I'm going to lollygag in front of him. If he thinks I'm going too slow now, I'll show him what too slow looks like."
Cody slowed his truck down to 20 miles per hour. The Koenigsegg's driver honked his horn in a long flatline.
"Oh! 'Sounds like I'm really ticking him off," said Cody.
Faida looked back, and saw a clearly enraged look on the Koenigsegg's driver's face. "I think so," she said.
Cody continued his slow drive with the impatient Koenigsegg driver tailgating, honking, and making his obscene gesture at him and Faida. As they approached the east end of the road, where it intersects with Kingston Pike, Cody and Faida noticed a dirty and unkempt homeless man standing in the median with a cardboard sign that said "Homeless. Need money for food."
"Aw! A homeless guy!" said Faida in a sympathetic tone.
Giggling mischieviously, Cody got his wallet out, removed a 20 dollar bill from it, put the wallet back in his pocket, and rolled his window down.
"We don't give panhandlers handouts," said Faida.
"This ain't a handout," said Cody, "I'm hiring him. Grab that handle, and hold on tight."
Faida tightly held the emergency handle on the ceiling with her right hand and her baby bump with her left hand. Cody held the money out the window, and the homeless man approached him.
"Here's 20 bucks," said Cody, giving the homeless man the money, "Now, as soon as the light turns green, I want you to go crazy on the car behind me."
The homeless man nodded in agreement and backed away from the truck. Soon after, the light turned green. Without even the slightest hesitation, the homeless man ran over to the Koenigsegg, placed his hands on the frunk, and cocked his head around with his tongue hanging out. Cody immediately stomped the gas to the floor, shooting through the intersection in a left turn onto Kingston Pike. He and Faida laughed the rest of the way home.
This one's inspired by a standup joke told by Daniel Tosh.
It was the year 2015. Cody pulled his Dodge Ram 1500 into the west parking lot at Sequoyah Park, where he and his wife, Faida, were planning to picnic for lunch. Cody had cooked 4 ground Italian sausage burgers. He had also made 2 blueberry muffins for Faida, as she was eating for both herself and their upcoming son, Henry. Cody had filled 2 thermal cups with lemonlimeade (a mixture of lemonade and limeade).
Cody was 28 years old. He was average male height. He was muscular and athletic. His hair was short and dark brown. He was completely white. Cody was dressed in a white t-shirt and blue jeans. On his feet, he wore white socks and brown cowboy boots tucked under his pant legs.
Faida was 27 years old. At this point, she was 7 months pregnant. She was firm-figured and moderately athletic. Her hair was long, straight, and very dark brown. Like her husband, she was completely white. Faida was dressed in a pale pink t-shirt and a gray sleeveless button-front maternity jumpsuit. On her feet, she wore white socks and white athletic shoes.
Cody made sure the women's restroom was available to Faida in case she needed it. He then laid out a sheet, and then sat with Faida on it. Cody got the food and drinks out of the container. He and Faida joined hands in prayer.
Faida prayed, "Lord, we thank You for the meal we're about to recieve for the nourishing of our bodies. Bless this meal, bless the hands that prepared this meal, bless the marital relationship between me and Cody. We thank You for our son growing in me. We beseech You to make him healthy in every way. We thank You for the gift of salvation brought to us by Jesus Christ. We accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. In Jesus' name we pray, amen."
"Amen," said Cody.
Cody and Faida enjoyed their meal together while talking about many different things. After they were done, Cody helped Faida to her feet, and put everything back in the truck. Cody opened the front passenger door for Faida, and let her in. Seeing that Faida was safely inside, Cody shut the door. He then went around, to the driver's side, and got in. He started the truck. Seeing that the engine was still warm, he drove out of the parking lot, and turned right, onto Cherokee Boulevard. Cody was driving at a steady 34 miles per hour, even though the speed limit was 30 miles per hour. Suddenly, a black Koenigsegg Agera RS sped up quickly behind Cody's truck, skidded to Cody's speed, and was now tailgating very dangerously close. Cody had seen it all in his rear view mirror. Faida saw it too, in the outside mirror on her side.
"What in the world?!" said Cody.
"Speeder," Faida guessed, "Now, a tailgater."
"That's a Koenigsegg Agera RS," said Cody, "Those things are expensive and fast."
"I know," said Faida.
Cody and Faida then heard the sound of a car horn honking behind them repeatedly.
"Now, what?!" said Faida, turning her head, and looking out the back window.
The driver of the Koenigsegg was honking his horn repeatedly, wanting Cody to get out of the way.
"What's his problem?" said Cody.
"I don't know," said Faida, "Let's see. The driver is a blonde white guy who appears to be in his 20s. He's got 2 women with him, in the only passenger seat, one on the other one's lap, and they look around his age."
Faida saw the Koenigsegg's driver make an obscene gesture with his left hand.
Faida's mouth dropped open. "He made the obscene gesture at us," she said.
"Maybe, he feels he's entitled, because he can afford that car," said Cody, "Or because his parents can."
"Could be," said Faida, "Jesus warned about how much easier it is for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter God's kingdom, and look at that guy back there; driving that car, acting all rude, and cursing at us with his hand. Now, about those 2 women with him, it seems at least one of them would tell him to stop acting the way he's acting. And, I'm also thinking he might be in a relationship with both of them."
"I hate that kind of relationship," said Cody, "I like it to be 1 man and 1 woman, just like us."
"Me too," said Faida, "Jesus said that marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman, and that's what we're doing."
"Totally," said Cody, "And I love it."
"Me too," said Faida.
The Koenigsegg's driver was still tailgating and honking his horn.
"Alright, that's it!" said Cody, "There's no one behind him, so I'm going to lollygag in front of him. If he thinks I'm going too slow now, I'll show him what too slow looks like."
Cody slowed his truck down to 20 miles per hour. The Koenigsegg's driver honked his horn in a long flatline.
"Oh! 'Sounds like I'm really ticking him off," said Cody.
Faida looked back, and saw a clearly enraged look on the Koenigsegg's driver's face. "I think so," she said.
Cody continued his slow drive with the impatient Koenigsegg driver tailgating, honking, and making his obscene gesture at him and Faida. As they approached the east end of the road, where it intersects with Kingston Pike, Cody and Faida noticed a dirty and unkempt homeless man standing in the median with a cardboard sign that said "Homeless. Need money for food."
"Aw! A homeless guy!" said Faida in a sympathetic tone.
Giggling mischieviously, Cody got his wallet out, removed a 20 dollar bill from it, put the wallet back in his pocket, and rolled his window down.
"We don't give panhandlers handouts," said Faida.
"This ain't a handout," said Cody, "I'm hiring him. Grab that handle, and hold on tight."
Faida tightly held the emergency handle on the ceiling with her right hand and her baby bump with her left hand. Cody held the money out the window, and the homeless man approached him.
"Here's 20 bucks," said Cody, giving the homeless man the money, "Now, as soon as the light turns green, I want you to go crazy on the car behind me."
The homeless man nodded in agreement and backed away from the truck. Soon after, the light turned green. Without even the slightest hesitation, the homeless man ran over to the Koenigsegg, placed his hands on the frunk, and cocked his head around with his tongue hanging out. Cody immediately stomped the gas to the floor, shooting through the intersection in a left turn onto Kingston Pike. He and Faida laughed the rest of the way home.
