- Oct 10, 2011
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About my disability (again)
People oftentimes don't understand the, sometimes intense, mental pressure, or the war that happens in my mind. They don't understand why I have to put headphones in out in public, or why I can't hang out with a bunch of them sometimes, or why I have to excuse myself when I'm around their televisions or radios or am in large crowds a lot of the time.
The simplest way of explaining it is that they are not seeing what I am seeing, or are hearing what I am hearing a lot of the time. Due to how my mind is interpreting things, which can't be controlled, it's very, very much different from what they are seeing or are hearing a lot of the time, and they also don't understand that it's a constant war going on in my mind a lot of the time.
I used to think that they were seeing exactly what I was seeing or hearing a lot of the time, and that how could they not a lot of the time, cause I used to think it was so very obvious, so how could they not a lot of the time, which used to make me think they were also in on it somehow a lot of the time, which created/made further issues for me in my mind a lot of the time, but now I think that they're just not seeing what I am seeing or are hearing what I am hearing a lot of the time, and that they don't understand the constant war or struggle that is always going on inside my mind with it a lot of the time.
So they don't understand me or understand these things things most of the time, or why I can't be around these things anymore now, or have to excuse myself a lot of the time, or put headphones in a lot of the time, or why I should be on disability, or be considered mentally disabled a lot of the time. The pain/fear/anxiety/pressure this type of thing or disability inspires or gives rise to, is way, way, way beyond what is considered to be normal a lot of the time, and they also don't understand how it makes any other kind of pain pale in comparison a lot of the time.
Anyway, going to be sharing this with my therapist next time. It's nothing she doesn't already know or hasn't already heard from me before already, but I'm still going to share it with her this next time.
Anyway, Take Care Everybody.
God Bless.
(More on it, added later)
My own thoughts are always accusing me of just about everything under the sun always basically, or are always speaking to me in ways about other people/places/things that is almost always disturbing in some kind of way almost always basically, etc.
I'm constantly at war with that voice/presence/person in my mind almost always.
It lies a lot, and has to always be lying a lot, because there is no possible way it can all be true always. But that's also always very, very hard to figure out or discern in my own mind though almost always. Or discern/figure out real true fact from real true fiction a lot always. And there is also oftentimes not enough time to ever do that all of the time and always ever either, before the next thought always hits again always. After which all of the previous ones (thoughts) are almost always completely forgotten about after that always.
I don't think I'm ever alone in my own mind ever, etc. And some of them in there aren't always nice, etc.
Take Care/God Bless.
Oh, and one thing I forgot to add, but thought could be figured out by the very beginning of this, is that it's using other people's actual voices, and televisions and radios to do this, or noise or voice sources to do this, etc, and that it's doing that on purpose maybe, etc.
(And then I will probably have to get into why it would be doing that on purpose, or why it would be choosing to do it this way, but I think I'm going to save that for my next appointment in therapy maybe) (But there are a lot of very, very good reasons why a being or beings such as this would be choosing to do it this way, etc)
(As just one example, even when telling other people about this, they're still not going to believe, and they can still say that it's just only you, or is just only a problem that is only going on in your own head, more than likely) (As it even causes your own self to think that, or doubt that sometimes actually, etc) (And that could be a very, very good reason for choosing to do it this way, etc) (And that is just one example, or is only one reason among many, etc)
Anyway, God Bless.
People oftentimes don't understand the, sometimes intense, mental pressure, or the war that happens in my mind. They don't understand why I have to put headphones in out in public, or why I can't hang out with a bunch of them sometimes, or why I have to excuse myself when I'm around their televisions or radios or am in large crowds a lot of the time.
The simplest way of explaining it is that they are not seeing what I am seeing, or are hearing what I am hearing a lot of the time. Due to how my mind is interpreting things, which can't be controlled, it's very, very much different from what they are seeing or are hearing a lot of the time, and they also don't understand that it's a constant war going on in my mind a lot of the time.
I used to think that they were seeing exactly what I was seeing or hearing a lot of the time, and that how could they not a lot of the time, cause I used to think it was so very obvious, so how could they not a lot of the time, which used to make me think they were also in on it somehow a lot of the time, which created/made further issues for me in my mind a lot of the time, but now I think that they're just not seeing what I am seeing or are hearing what I am hearing a lot of the time, and that they don't understand the constant war or struggle that is always going on inside my mind with it a lot of the time.
So they don't understand me or understand these things things most of the time, or why I can't be around these things anymore now, or have to excuse myself a lot of the time, or put headphones in a lot of the time, or why I should be on disability, or be considered mentally disabled a lot of the time. The pain/fear/anxiety/pressure this type of thing or disability inspires or gives rise to, is way, way, way beyond what is considered to be normal a lot of the time, and they also don't understand how it makes any other kind of pain pale in comparison a lot of the time.
Anyway, going to be sharing this with my therapist next time. It's nothing she doesn't already know or hasn't already heard from me before already, but I'm still going to share it with her this next time.
Anyway, Take Care Everybody.
God Bless.
(More on it, added later)
My own thoughts are always accusing me of just about everything under the sun always basically, or are always speaking to me in ways about other people/places/things that is almost always disturbing in some kind of way almost always basically, etc.
I'm constantly at war with that voice/presence/person in my mind almost always.
It lies a lot, and has to always be lying a lot, because there is no possible way it can all be true always. But that's also always very, very hard to figure out or discern in my own mind though almost always. Or discern/figure out real true fact from real true fiction a lot always. And there is also oftentimes not enough time to ever do that all of the time and always ever either, before the next thought always hits again always. After which all of the previous ones (thoughts) are almost always completely forgotten about after that always.
I don't think I'm ever alone in my own mind ever, etc. And some of them in there aren't always nice, etc.
Take Care/God Bless.
Oh, and one thing I forgot to add, but thought could be figured out by the very beginning of this, is that it's using other people's actual voices, and televisions and radios to do this, or noise or voice sources to do this, etc, and that it's doing that on purpose maybe, etc.
(And then I will probably have to get into why it would be doing that on purpose, or why it would be choosing to do it this way, but I think I'm going to save that for my next appointment in therapy maybe) (But there are a lot of very, very good reasons why a being or beings such as this would be choosing to do it this way, etc)
(As just one example, even when telling other people about this, they're still not going to believe, and they can still say that it's just only you, or is just only a problem that is only going on in your own head, more than likely) (As it even causes your own self to think that, or doubt that sometimes actually, etc) (And that could be a very, very good reason for choosing to do it this way, etc) (And that is just one example, or is only one reason among many, etc)
Anyway, God Bless.
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