The Melania Movie

MarkSB said:

Liberal movie reviewers don't know a work of art when they see it...

A Documentary That Courageously Explains Nothing​

Calling Melania a documentary is generous. Calling it content is debatable.​

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This film is what happens when a perfume ad gains sentience and decides it deserves a feature-length runtime. Shot after shot of immaculate lighting, slow-motion walking, and Meaningful Silence™, the movie asks an important question: What if we said absolutely nothing, but very expensively?​

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There are no revelations, no tension, and no discernible point,just vibes. Cold, distant, carefully curated vibes. Every pause is treated like a thesis statement. Every glance is framed as historic. The film seems convinced that withholding information is the same thing as depth, which is a bold creative choice and an even bolder misunderstanding of documentaries.​

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Whenever the story threatens to approach context, complexity, or God forbid,questions, the camera politely looks away and cuts to another montage of tasteful emptiness. It's less journalism, more luxury brochure. Less insight, more marble countertop.​

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By the end, you don't feel informed or challenged. You feel like you've been quietly shushed for two hours.​

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Final verdict: Beautifully shot. Meticulously controlled. Profoundly hollow.​

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Five stars for lighting. One star for literally everything else.​

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MarkSB said:

I feel like our country has become the biggest joke on the planet. Just when you think things can't get any more bizarre.

And then it beats box office expectations, pulling in $7 million on the opening weekend. That will cover a small portion of the bribe, erm... salary that they paid Melania for this film.

Are Americans really this bored?

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Aldebaran said:

Same here! Between Melania Trump and Bill Clinton, at least Melania never was photographed in a pool with Jeffrey Epstein. Yet people hate Melania anyway.
I wonder what she could possibly have done to have earned the hatred of so many. Maybe simply being beautiful is all it takes!

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Fantine said:

I read a rhapsodic review of the first lady's documentary. Since everything else i saw was scathing and satirical I was surprised. Turned out they were talking about Michelle Obama's "Becoming" on Netflix.
Sounds like a superlative alternative to the Melania movie.

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MarkSB said:

I feel like our country has become the biggest joke on the planet. Just when you think things can't get any more bizarre.

And then it beats box office expectations, pulling in $7 million on the opening weekend. That will cover a small portion of the bribe, erm... salary that they paid Melania for this film.

Are Americans really this bored?

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Desk trauma said:

Politics and comically thinly veiled bribery aside for the moment, nothing the woman has said or done inspires the interest in me required to sit down and spend two hours of my life finding out more about hers.

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• “Be Best” campaign: Her signature initiative as First Lady focused on children’s well-being, healthy development, kindness, and advocating against cyberbullying and opioid abuse.
• Fostering the Future: Expanded support and resources for foster youth, including scholarships and career resources.
• Advocacy on revenge porn and online safety: Played a leading role in pushing the Take It Down Act (federal legislation against non-consensual and AI-generated intimate imagery), and participated in its signing — a first for a First Lady being involved in signing a law.
• International humanitarian focus: Engagement in diplomatic humanitarian efforts, including work to help reunite Ukrainian children displaced by conflict.

Always in His Presence said:

Let's see -

- A self made woman who was an international model who launched several business before meeting Donald Trump -
- Speaks five languages
- as First Lady launched

• “Be Best” campaign: Her signature initiative as First Lady focused on children’s well-being, healthy development, kindness, and advocating against cyberbullying and opioid abuse.
• Fostering the Future: Expanded support and resources for foster youth, including scholarships and career resources.
• Advocacy on revenge porn and online safety: Played a leading role in pushing the Take It Down Act (federal legislation against non-consensual and AI-generated intimate imagery), and participated in its signing — a first for a First Lady being involved in signing a law.
• International humanitarian focus: Engagement in diplomatic humanitarian efforts, including work to help reunite Ukrainian children displaced by conflict.

The only person held in a lower regard is her husband.

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Always in His Presence said:

Let's see -

- A self made woman who was an international model who launched several business before meeting Donald Trump -
- Speaks five languages
- as First Lady launched

• “Be Best” campaign: Her signature initiative as First Lady focused on children’s well-being, healthy development, kindness, and advocating against cyberbullying and opioid abuse.
• Fostering the Future: Expanded support and resources for foster youth, including scholarships and career resources.
• Advocacy on revenge porn and online safety: Played a leading role in pushing the Take It Down Act (federal legislation against non-consensual and AI-generated intimate imagery), and participated in its signing — a first for a First Lady being involved in signing a law.
• International humanitarian focus: Engagement in diplomatic humanitarian efforts, including work to help reunite Ukrainian children displaced by conflict.

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Servus said:

Sounds like Michelle should get just as trashed as Melania for such a similar film.

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