Discouraged about waiting until marriage

Guanaco said:

I’m a 29 year old male. I have am still a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage…but recently I have been discouraged.

I went out 5 years ago with a girl. I had been praying to God and she fame into my life. She was extremely beautiful and although she was agnostic, she seemed to respect my religion. She liked that I would play in the Sunday band and if I shared scripture. Also she always used to say that having sex before marriage was bad, and she wanted to wait. Her mom would advice her to still do it before marriage. But at this time she was firm in her values.

The problems began when I went back to watching porn. It caused me to stop loving her. The worst part is that I ended things because I said she wasn’t a Christian. Very hypocritical of me. I tried to get back with her, but it was too late.

I even prayed to God and got angry that He didn’t answer and purposefully rebelled against Him by going deeper in sin. Yet, the Lord was merciful and patient. Not without problems because I did have to suffer painful consequences because of my sin. I repented and have turned back to God.

Now the girl converted to Orthodox Christianity and started dating another man. Well, I guess she got tired of waiting and decided to have sex with him. She never repented of what she did. She would make memes of how she enjoyed it and would tell others.

And well…that’s the thing. This girl took her mom’s advice instead of God’s word and now she is extremely happy. She is married and happy.

I, on the other hand, am sad and lonely. Miserable. Dates eventually stop because girls don’t want to wait. I regret sinning against God.

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You just have not met the right one. Not all women are willing to jump in the sack before marriage. She has moved on. It best to do the same and not compare your life to hers. Concentrate on yourself and try to get out and develop a different attitude to help you move forward. And yeah, resist the porn. It never ends well for anyone.

Your approach to this situation is largely unbiblical. In spite of your belief in Christ you went out with someone agnostic. Although she didn't share your faith her moral compass on sex was greater than yours for a time. You fell into sin and ended the connection and rebelled against the Lord because He wouldn't fix your mistake. Now you've repented and she's become Orthodox during the period you were estranged.

Where you err in your deduction is her election to sin in light of your circumstances. She follows a denomination with specific principles on relationships which encourages them to marry within that system. There's more men converting to orthodoxy than women. Which enhances her possibility for selection.

The Lord didn't reward her wih a spouse because she sinned. She's part of a culture that values marriage and family and impresses the same on the their followers. There's men within those circles like yourself who remain unattached. The numbers are inequitable.

This is a challenging period for partnership for many reasons. There's a lot of mistrust between the sexes and the negative rhetoric does little to change that. You'll have to prioritize making connections and building bonds within your local church and community. Don't pin your hopes on the internet or expect someone to fall into your lap.

I posted some prayers yesterday on the subject you may want to peruse. And don't compare your circumstances. You don't know what her husband's like or their marriage. And no one escapes the consequences of their sins. Reaping and sowing is a divine principle. You may not be privy to its outworking in someone's life. But don't assume they got a slap on the hand while you were punished. You'll have greater peace if you stop reading her posts and focus your attention elsewhere. The door is closed and it's time to move on.

~bella

Guanaco said:

I’m a 29 year old male. I have am still a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage…but recently I have been discouraged.

I went out 5 years ago with a girl. I had been praying to God and she fame into my life. She was extremely beautiful and although she was agnostic, she seemed to respect my religion. She liked that I would play in the Sunday band and if I shared scripture. Also she always used to say that having sex before marriage was bad, and she wanted to wait. Her mom would advice her to still do it before marriage. But at this time she was firm in her values.

The problems began when I went back to watching porn. It caused me to stop loving her. The worst part is that I ended things because I said she wasn’t a Christian. Very hypocritical of me. I tried to get back with her, but it was too late.

I even prayed to God and got angry that He didn’t answer and purposefully rebelled against Him by going deeper in sin. Yet, the Lord was merciful and patient. Not without problems because I did have to suffer painful consequences because of my sin. I repented and have turned back to God.

Now the girl converted to Orthodox Christianity and started dating another man. Well, I guess she got tired of waiting and decided to have sex with him. She never repented of what she did. She would make memes of how she enjoyed it and would tell others.

And well…that’s the thing. This girl took her mom’s advice instead of God’s word and now she is extremely happy. She is married and happy.

I, on the other hand, am sad and lonely. Miserable. Dates eventually stop because girls don’t want to wait. I regret sinning against God.

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Let me offer advice from the other side of the aisle. I'm no virgin and I'm sure not pleased to admit that I'm not. I was engaged with the first person I had a sexual relationship with and it was one of the worst ideas I've ever in my life had.

Now I don't know whether some of us are meant to go without a partner for life or not, but I'm fairly well convinced at this point some of us might be. I think I might be one of those people. Particular things just don't line up, or maybe the right person doesn't exist for me in this life, or maybe one will show up but you won't see me counting on it.

People fall into things and seem to be happy and maybe they are. I know a ton load of people living in sin and they all seem happy. I don't think that means that such a temporary happiness will last, or that blessings in the next life were not lost in that process. Christ said about people that get things in this life that they have their reward, which means they won't be getting one pertaining to particular things in the Kingdom... they already took or got what they were getting and lost the better one that needs to be waited for in faith.

I've been lost in so many sins in my younger years that I wondered how I, a man who I know in my heart loves my Lord Jesus, could ever have done so many of those things. Drugs, sexual foolishness (of which I enjoyed none of truly), very bad places, very bad people. Let me dig deep here and advise you not to be discouraged about falling into sin or feeling alone. Don't beat yourself up because it is a trap from Satan trying to drag you down. If you are a virgin you have far exceeded many people in your efforts to be faithful. Be encouraged, God's love is beyond our capacity to understand.

A lot of people will try to beat you up or play the "holiness" card, but Luke 7:47 makes it clear what matters to God, and it isn't judging people. He longs and desires more than anything to set people free, and at that through His overpowering love that cannot be stopped or taken away from us.

Take it easy on yourself because Christ Jesus loves you and He won't do to you what you do to yourself in being hard or disappointed. He doesn't want us in sin, no, but He knows our heart is not desiring sin if we are not and He isn't bringing the past up. He paid the price to remove our sins forever and He isn't like some bitter ex or a poorly chosen friend who remembers all your mistakes and none of your accomplishments or kindness.

The test of faith is not easy, and to trust God when it gets the hardest is where the real test is at. Anyone can trust God when the bank is full, people love them, they have all they need, and times are good. It is when someone is down on their luck, people are bad mouthing them, or have forgotten they exist, and life is agonizing that faith and trust in God really counts, and lots of people find themselves being revealed for what they truly believe. Even us sometimes, we fail to trust Him, but it is a learning process, and He is teaching us not to be afraid of missing out, that the best things are still yet to come.

I can't tell you that everything will get easier, that you will find the perfect girl, or what kind of blessings are in store for us all depending on our hardships. What I can tell you is that it will absolutely be worth it in the end if we continue in trusting Him. It wasn't easy for Abraham, Moses, Job, Elijah, king David, Peter, Paul, John, or nearly anyone else in the past that God called to Himself. It wasn't easy for our King, Lord Jesus, either.

Keep your head up, fight the good fight of faith, believe in His goodness and His love and keep working at trusting Him and pray for more ability to do so. So many people are throwing the towel in on God right now in these last days that it is like watching flies drop. We are very close to the end, and to be honest I think you have done a fantastic job of doing your best to be faithful and follow Christ. Not many can say they have kept themselves pure for so long.

The last thing I will say here is that I believe no matter what happens here on Earth now, that in the Kingdom God has the perfect person for us. People say things like we will all be single, or that there is no marriage in the Kingdom. I don't see that in my Bible. I see Kings and Queens, and kings are married to queens. I truly believe that not only will there be relationships, but that they may simply not need marriage "vows" because in the perfect place we will be in, no one will be unfaithful. I believe there will be children born the entire thousand year reign of Christ and even after. People seem to me to have a very limited view of God, and I try my best not to put Him in a box or put limits on Him. These things encourage me to stick with the program God called me to, to carry my cross, to trust in Him, to believe in His insane love for me, and to know He has great plans for me. He has them for you too.

Maybe God has someone for us. Maybe He doesn't just yet. But whatever His plans, they are definitely good... Far better than we could come up with. I wouldn't suddenly take my poor choices path and drop off all the years of faithfulness you've accomplished. Don't be like the old me. Do better, keep what you've kept pure, pure. Don't mind that girl and her seeming happiness, because this world is full of deception. Focus on Christ, know you are on the right path, and forget your sins and let His insane love and goodness draw you closer to Him. He doesn't see our mistakes, He sees us for the purpose He created us for, and He will accomplish what He started in you, and in us all.

Guanaco said:

The problems began when I went back to watching porn. It caused me to stop loving her.

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Self- love is why you stopped loving her. Though I completely understand human physiology and the needs that go with it, what you are engaging in appears to be altering your perception of women while it twists the reality of the female sex. Hence, falling out of love is a red flag warning. This is the danger when solely relying on voyeur type satisfaction. Get some help to overcome this as soon as possible. This will surely spill into any marriage in the future.
Sorry for being so candid but this is an epidemic among men today and should be openly discussed. It destroys relationships and breaks up families. Women just don't want to be with someone who chooses pornography for intimacy instead of them.
Thank you for sharing your struggles and know that you are not alone. Continue to turn to Jesus Christ of Nazareth for strength and above all, pray that He lifts this burden from you.

Be blessed.

Seems likely that this woman was not fully committed to Christ. So, though momentarily you are sad, I would suggest in the long run you will be happier, though we all wish her well. God gives chances to marry. You will have some more. think too about enlarging your borders beyond America, just be careful in watching out for scammers. Of the singles I chat with worldwide, the eldest of the group, a woman from the Caribbean just found the second love of her life, a widower from the USA. I uses to see her and others try so hard, myself included, only to get nowhere. Why? Because all that effort was mostly from the flesh. Get serious with God, try some fasting even. God desires you to marry more than you do. Why? Because that is what is in your heart among other reasons. Anyway, put more distance from yourself and your past, and move ahead in Christ with no bitterness or hard heart. Your time will arrive.

Guanaco said:

I’m a 29 year old male. I have am still a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage…but recently I have been discouraged.

I went out 5 years ago with a girl. I had been praying to God and she fame into my life. She was extremely beautiful and although she was agnostic, she seemed to respect my religion. She liked that I would play in the Sunday band and if I shared scripture. Also she always used to say that having sex before marriage was bad, and she wanted to wait. Her mom would advice her to still do it before marriage. But at this time she was firm in her values.

The problems began when I went back to watching porn. It caused me to stop loving her. The worst part is that I ended things because I said she wasn’t a Christian. Very hypocritical of me. I tried to get back with her, but it was too late.

I even prayed to God and got angry that He didn’t answer and purposefully rebelled against Him by going deeper in sin. Yet, the Lord was merciful and patient. Not without problems because I did have to suffer painful consequences because of my sin. I repented and have turned back to God.

Now the girl converted to Orthodox Christianity and started dating another man. Well, I guess she got tired of waiting and decided to have sex with him. She never repented of what she did. She would make memes of how she enjoyed it and would tell others.

And well…that’s the thing. This girl took her mom’s advice instead of God’s word and now she is extremely happy. She is married and happy.

I, on the other hand, am sad and lonely. Miserable. Dates eventually stop because girls don’t want to wait. I regret sinning against God.

Click to expand...

Porn rots the brain

Guanaco said:

I’m a 29 year old male. I have am still a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage…but recently I have been discouraged.

I went out 5 years ago with a girl. I had been praying to God and she fame into my life. She was extremely beautiful and although she was agnostic, she seemed to respect my religion. She liked that I would play in the Sunday band and if I shared scripture. Also she always used to say that having sex before marriage was bad, and she wanted to wait. Her mom would advice her to still do it before marriage. But at this time she was firm in her values.

The problems began when I went back to watching porn. It caused me to stop loving her. The worst part is that I ended things because I said she wasn’t a Christian. Very hypocritical of me. I tried to get back with her, but it was too late.

I even prayed to God and got angry that He didn’t answer and purposefully rebelled against Him by going deeper in sin. Yet, the Lord was merciful and patient. Not without problems because I did have to suffer painful consequences because of my sin. I repented and have turned back to God.

Now the girl converted to Orthodox Christianity and started dating another man. Well, I guess she got tired of waiting and decided to have sex with him. She never repented of what she did. She would make memes of how she enjoyed it and would tell others.

And well…that’s the thing. This girl took her mom’s advice instead of God’s word and now she is extremely happy. She is married and happy.

I, on the other hand, am sad and lonely. Miserable. Dates eventually stop because girls don’t want to wait. I regret sinning against God.

Click to expand...

First of all, if you are a born again, Christ washed Christian, you had no right to be with that girl.

I am very sorry you are hurt, but you dodged a bullet with that girl.

I know she converted, but someone born of the Spirit does not behave like her. It hurts now, but is this better than being in a sinful relationship.

Richard T said:

Seems likely that this woman was not fully committed to Christ.

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How did you conclude that based on the OP's statements? He admitted to entering a relationship with an agnostic in spite of his beliefs and rekindled his engagement with pornography during their acquaintance. His descent into sin deepened when they parted ways yet you're questioning her commiitment to Christ?

The Lord didn't send this woman nor does He tempt us. The majority aren't put in these situations for the reason shared. They can't restrain themselves to minister to the other and their desires conflict with God's.

And we need to be honest about virginity in today's culture. Just because someone never had relations doesn't mean they're waiting for marriage or abstinent. Oftentimes they don't have opportunities for the same that's why they rely on porn.

~bella