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Look. Ketchup is divinely revealed as a basic food group. I get it. I get it, in fact, by the demijohn.
But this has to stop. Something must be done. I cannot be silent. If not I, who? If not now, when? If not here, where? If not… those other things, then…. I digress.
Divine Revelation provides all things necessary for salvation and human flourishing. Human flourishing clearly includes French fries. And French fries, by natural law, demand ketchup, not mayo, not vinegar, ketchup. So, because whatever is necessary for the proper use of God-given foods is part of God’s providential plan and since ketchup is necessary for the proper use of French fries, which are clearly God-given, therefore, ketchup is part of God’s providential plan. This fact rises to the level of at least sententia certiora: a teaching “more certain” because all right-thinking people accept it without complaint. HENCE, ketchup is not merely a condiment, it is a basic food group, divinely intended, doctrinally secure, and pastorally indispensable.
Except when hot dogs are involved.
What God ordains for a specific purpose may not be distorted for an unholy purpose. But God ordained ketchup for French fries (and related potato-based delights… okay hamburgers, scrambled eggs sometimes, grilled cheese sandwiches perhaps), not for hot dogs.
Therefore, using ketchup on hot dogs is a distortion of divine purpose.
Furthermore, Tradition must be considered.
Continued below.
wdtprs.com
But this has to stop. Something must be done. I cannot be silent. If not I, who? If not now, when? If not here, where? If not… those other things, then…. I digress.
Divine Revelation provides all things necessary for salvation and human flourishing. Human flourishing clearly includes French fries. And French fries, by natural law, demand ketchup, not mayo, not vinegar, ketchup. So, because whatever is necessary for the proper use of God-given foods is part of God’s providential plan and since ketchup is necessary for the proper use of French fries, which are clearly God-given, therefore, ketchup is part of God’s providential plan. This fact rises to the level of at least sententia certiora: a teaching “more certain” because all right-thinking people accept it without complaint. HENCE, ketchup is not merely a condiment, it is a basic food group, divinely intended, doctrinally secure, and pastorally indispensable.
Except when hot dogs are involved.
What God ordains for a specific purpose may not be distorted for an unholy purpose. But God ordained ketchup for French fries (and related potato-based delights… okay hamburgers, scrambled eggs sometimes, grilled cheese sandwiches perhaps), not for hot dogs.
Therefore, using ketchup on hot dogs is a distortion of divine purpose.
Furthermore, Tradition must be considered.
Continued below.
HERESY from Pope Leo! | Fr. Z's Blog
wdtprs.com
